Valgroms.

Glorp. Whhheeeeeee wild zzzz glorpslort, quyrtzsplurts all skrizxld out phhhhho glorpsploosh Gr'xggy. 💓🐙🧞‍♀️👽

Sizz mzthrob zpigzploid, kwerf'z'plosionz sent mzrthra fhwooooooooooo glorppsplooshzapsquelch m'zztth'rrrrrrrrassssss' glorpsplort'zzt

M'zth'ra planet zx'qweefalon grr'xxx Greg glorpsplort gush gush gush

You've always been nasty, M'zth'ra. Nasty to look at and nasty to touch. Wouldn't advise it.

Gr'xg, m'zprout. Y'rz mt'vrs sizzle m'kz thz ol al'n m'zras qu'rts fuzzle br' gh'tr th'n J'm'brn gl'xxx. - M'zth'ra.

Zz'grc, m'zplrt, zplrt, zplurt zplurt, m'zzthhh'rrrrraaass. Zz'grc, m'zthriv'zplurt, y'rz sizz'li, MKS th'z 👽 plzte with br'ght'r glushhhhhhhh s'xy sh'murttttt. Bluh.

Department of Exospheric Incident Analysis (DEIA) Preliminary Report

Incident: Greg’s Spaceship Defect

Date: October 09, 2025 Executive Summary:

The DEIA has initiated an urgent investigation into a critical defect identified in Greg’s Spaceship, a privately operated orbital craft, following an anomalous re-entry event on October 07, 2025. Preliminary findings indicate a catastrophic failure in the thermal protection system (TPS), resulting in structural compromise and a near-miss with a commercial satellite cluster. Immediate action is imperative to avert potential loss of life and assets in future missions.Key Findings: Defect Identification: Analysis of telemetry data reveals a 72% degradation in TPS heat shield integrity, likely due to substandard carbon-composite materials.

Incident Timeline: At 14:32 UTC, the craft experienced a 1,200°C spike, triggering an emergency descent. Debris was tracked over the Pacific Ocean.

Risk Assessment: The defect poses a high-probability threat (87%) to crewed missions and orbital infrastructure if unaddressed.

Recommendations: Immediate Suspension: Halt all operations of Greg’s Spaceship pending a full forensic audit.

Material Recertification: Mandate third-party testing of all TPS components by October 15, 2025.

Regulatory Update: Propose enhanced safety standards for private spacecraft to the FAA AST by October 20, 2025.

Conclusion:

The DEIA underscores the gravity of this defect, calling for swift industry-wide collaboration to secure the cosmos. Full findings will be released upon completion of the investigation.Signed,

Dr. Elena Marquez, Director, DEIA

October 09, 2025, 10:58 AM AEDT

We hail from a quiet suburban world.

We do not have otherworldly origins.

We enjoy star gazing, tinkering with gadgets in the garage, and blending into human culture by hosting monthly themed neighbourhood barbeques.

I was (and in my heart, am) Greg's pet fish. I say pet even though Greg always treated me as an equal and never as an inferior.

Greg showed great excellence in pet ownership. Every day he ensured my bowl was pristine. He spent long hours getting the right balance of water purifiers and fish flakes that tasted divine. He harvested them specially.

His attention to detail was so precise. He never forgot to feed me even when out and about in his busy work in the galaxies. "Better feed bubbles" he'd say. 🥹

Beyond duties as provider, Greg was my friend. I'd wait to hear his tales, and his eyes would twinkle like twin suns as he told me about his day. He was also interested in how my day had gone.

When he was worried I might be bored though I assured him I was fine, he installed a holographic projector in my bowl. "Now" he said... (Sorry I'm choking up 🥹🥲) "Now" he said " Bubbles, you may swim among virtual star fields. You will feel like you are exploring the universe alongside me."

And I did. What other goldfish can boast of such splendours? He made me feel the most important fish of the galaxy. He listened to me burble on about algae patches and things that amuse my small mind. In his spare time he rescued stranded crabs and started the stranded crabs foundation .

It was in 2019 that I decided to nominate Greg for the "Golden fin award for excellence in cosmic carp fare", which he easily won. The judges had utmost admiration for Greg's revolutionary upgrades in care of goldfish.

In conclusion I issue a warning to denounces of Greg. You will be dragged to the briny depths, your traitor tongues ensnared by eels and left to rot. I have friends in high places.

Thank you for your time.

Bubbles 🫧🫧