Literally the only purpose for the cover of a book is so you can judge the

book.

-Dreamlite, Sep 2016

For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and

could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of

the horse.

-arbaminim, Nov 2014

If I die before you, I beat you to death. But if I beat you to death, you die

before me.

-fapples_and_bananas, Jun 2016

Somewhere in the world, there is somebody with your dream job that hates going

to work everyday

-EmailSoup, Jul 2016

Since the invention of auto-correct, the use of the word 'ducking' has

exploded.

-wotton, Jan 2015

Aliens living millions of light years away haven't invaded us yet in fear of

dinosaurs that their telescopes show on Earth.

-polikujm1, May 2015

If Homer Simpson were a Democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he'd be

"Homer Simpson (D-OH)".

-Nulono, Dec 2013

If you wanted to be incognito by choosing the most common first and last name

in the world, you'd really stand out, Mohamed Wang.

-science_andshit, May 2016

The older I get the more I envy Homer Simpson. He owns a 4bd house, has a

loving and supportive wife, and job security.

-Zeyn1, Jan 2016

The mullet was probably created to stop red necks.

-t33po, May 2016

It is quite weird when an entire boy band sings a love song about one girl.

-danielstegeman, Apr 2016

Because not everyone has a penis, I have an above average number of penises.

-Yanmega, Dec 2014

If the average penis size is 5.5 inches and there are about 3 billion men on

Earth, then we have enough penis to get to the Moon.

-ReadMyNips, May 2015

I'm so old, my handheld games were filled with water :-/

-danny_the_car_wiper, Sep 2015

We are the first generation where turning something off and on again fixes the

problem because we are the first generation where most problems aren't

mechanical. That's why older generations are always so amazed when we fix

things, it used to take a lot of skill to fix things.

-neuroeng, Mar 2016

I wonder how many times I ate eggs that came from a chicken I ate

-tonito23, May 2014

There should be an app that, if you a cross a state or national border, tells

you what laws are different when you cross.

-Varryl, Aug 2014

I don't understand the human race. People eat each other's assholes, but won't

eat the end piece of bread in a bag

-MattyMcdaddy, Aug 2014

I would totally buy a toilet seat with a scale in it so I could see how much

weight I lost every time I pooped...

-The_Beer_Engineer, Jan 2016

If you wake up in the morning it is called "morning wood". If you wake up at

night it should be called a "night stick"

-JBSLB, Jun 2015