do you think be needed is different than being wanted?
i noticed you tying this into love languages—do you think it's reasonable to be loved and desired in a specific way, or is it something more selfish?
Discussion
Certainly! You need food, you want sous-vide Kobe steak with white pepper sauce and a dash of saffron. Like your family needs someone to protect them, take care of them, and fulfill all the other invisible male duties. BUT it wants (=actively chooses) you to fulfill that position.
You can't control the need, you choose what you want (* exceptions may apply).
As for the second question, I think there is nothing wrong with the need to be loved/desired in a specific way. On the contrary, I think the world would be a better place if everyone knew/listened to themselves about their own needs. The selfish part is to expect partner(s) to magically know what you need, not to tell (or communicate) to them and be disappointed afterwards. Or to be angry/blaming if you do manage to state your needs and the other party is disinterested/unable to accommodate that.
Easier said than done though 😅
beautiful responses :3
thank you for taking the time to answer.
needs and desires change over time and it's important recognize this and to not get lazy or too comfortable in the relationship.
sometimes we can notice the changes (in our partner or in ourselves) before our partner does. and sometimes it's not easy to identify or communicate these changes.
your last point about becoming angry is really nice—i think it's also important to extend a good bit of grace to the ones we express our love for.
Talk about #preachingwater. Inspired by this, I asked her what would make her feel more loved. Got reminded about a thing or two. Nothing new, just stuff that is hard to keep up with while being a fulltime parent of two active kids and allowing oneself to get overwhelmed by responsibilities. 🙄
Well, it's a path 😅
awww
that's wonderful to hear~!
best of luck ^_________^