Q: Why do I get a generic 422 "fuck off" error when transferring literally any of my bitcoin to an external wallet.

Paypal support:

Upon checking your account, I see here that you are connected to a Private network or VPN that is preventing you to do you crypto transfer.

If you are logging in from a new location or country, this may initially be considered a risk to your account, as it would be inconsistent with your previous activity. If your action is being prevented, reattempting your transfer later would be best.

Please make sure you are connected to a local network.