You sound sane enough to me but what do I know, I'm an ageing London lad. 🚒🇬🇧😎

I've done similar stuff for people I've never met IRL.

Some of my "crazy internet friends" are the best people in my life.

You do what you need to do. Sometimes wives are wrong about things and honestly could do with a dose of stfu. She's always going to put her safety first, and that's usually a good thing for a family, but... There needs to be limits on that because there are many times going out into the umknown is the correct thing to do.

You are not doing anything wrong. In fact, I think you are doing the kind and decent thing helping a man who is having a really rough go in a new land, trying to take care of his own family.

Not that it makes your situation with your wife any less difficult.

Your wife is worried you are putting more effort into his family rather than your own. I used to get that I was more accommodating to strangers than my family. If you're like me, these people are my friends, and the people around don't get me. I assume your network is small where you are, so there's not a ton of people to lean on there. Same friend.

Meet the guy in person, then his family. Take pictures, and show that you’re lending a hand up to someone who is grinding, not a handout.

I say you “sell” him the car, or rent it out. Keep the money aside for him and gift it back once it's a small sum. Either way keep showing kindness, but I implore you to lean in at home. Somethings missing that your wifes not able say to you, or she can’t communicate it, unrelated to the your S african friend. Remember its you two against the problem, not you vs her.

As a city boy turned country boy, your pasts give both of you valid perspectives. Both of your positions are reasonable, just not all the time. A partner is supposed to act in the interest of your partnership and push back sometimes and provide a different view. Life is about balance anyway so somewhere in the middle will work for you both. Women are naturally way more security-oriented, so her response makes sense to me on its face. I actually had a situation once where I tried to help a neighbor(stranger in the city) and my wife got upset because she was like what if this and that and I'm not having you get killed (and she's a naturally kind and helpful person). She made sense, but I didn't even think of those things-but that's where she want first. Anyhow, try to find a balance. Ask her what she thinks is the reasonable boundary, then push it just a little bit more. If both of you get some of what you want, but not everything you want, that might be the balanced posotion.

That's a tough one. Especially because he has kids and he's trying to start a new life from scratch. So I think it's admirable that you're helping. But your wife's concerns are valid. She just looking out for you and making sure you don't get taken advantage of.

Wife here. I agree with her skepticism. A good partner questions each other to make sure we are making the best decision for the house hold. My husband nostr:nprofile1qqsdgvut0sesvjgulh65j9x3554cp2t9dp0hxcf3r6h9704078fr5kcprpmhxue69uhkummnv3exjan99eshqup0wfjkcctemgrnlp has met people on Nostr but has met up for lunches and drinks to get to know IRL and you’re one of them. If you can meet up or even a video call will help ease some of her anxiety. For the car issue: I suggest officially selling it to him for whatever fee you want. That way you can transfer title and he will be in charge of insurance and if anything happens it won’t be your responsibility.

1. It’s not your responsibility to save anyone.

2. It is your responsibility to be your true self. That may include helping those you want to help for whatever deep seated reasons you may have. I won’t question the origins of those, but you should.

3. Your wife chose 26 year old you for reasons. Figure them out, and that may explain the behavior. What did you offer? Why did she need it?

Women appreciate power. You must respect your will to power. Sometimes overcoming a woman’s request, and competently changing the world around you can have the counterintuitive effective of gained respect from a female partner. You trivialized her fear through success. How long has it been since you have demonstrated your power to her? To keep her resources secured, she will worry when she believes your reach exceeds your grasp.

I don’t know her. But I know most women do not respect a man that they can overpower. This may be an opportunity to plan carefully and demonstrate that you have the will and the power to do it. Should your wife ever need you to do that for her, it’s best to have kept your strength exercised.

P.S.

Let him pay you. It will demonstrate to him and your wife that you have boundaries. Take it away when he can’t. You can always give the money back later in secret if you want. Just an idea.

Wishing you the best in whatever path you choose.