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I have to agree with nostr:npub1rtlqca8r6auyaw5n5h3l5422dm4sry5dzfee4696fqe8s6qgudks7djtfs'S response! I absolutely did not want to or think I should have kids. Not because I felt like a bad person/kid myself but I didn’t think I was raised in a manner that would provide the skills needed to “properly” parent. However, I got pregnant and here we are 20+ years later I’m patiently raising the last 2 out of 5. It’s been a wild ride but mostly good.

Agi Choote 1y ago 💬 1

I also agree with nostr:npub1rtlqca8r6auyaw5n5h3l5422dm4sry5dzfee4696fqe8s6qgudks7djtfs's thinking and it probably widely applies.

In my case i’m not mentally ill per say but my emotional capacity is limited. I’m high on narcissistic spectrum, have depressive tendencies, I relieve stress by locking myself away and have generally short fuse. I am sure that from education standpoint and generally providing experiences and preparing kid for life I could be doing great. Though I have to think that my heightened egoism and lack of patience is a huge risk for a developing being.

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Discussion

HODL 1y ago 💬 2

I’m skeptical that someone as self aware as you seem to be would still have trouble with these issues when it mattered. Sure it’s hard to change when it’s just you and there’s no incentive. But having a child fundamentally changes you. That said it’s a very personal decision, so entirely up to you as an individual.

Agi Choote 1y ago 💬 1

I mean lack of impulse control is a feature of pre frontal cortex so self awareness sure helps it but doesn’t eliminate it, neither do meds 😅

Also I am guessing that you totally right about ability to self control as the true need arises. What I’m afraid of is compounding stress over submitting to “parents role” and not giving oneself enough opportunity to balance out (especially with babies and toddlers). I think thats the path to worst case scenario of parents being resentful to children for their state of mind. (Horrible and narcissistic but admittedly is the case way too often)

HODL 1y ago

Yeah you do have to learn to balance self care with toddler care and it’s very difficult when they’re young because their needs are so pressing and immediate. No way around that. It’s sort of a crucible all parents must walk. I was talking to a billionaire last night who told me that when his children were young it was the hardest time of his life haha so there’s no escaping it. And yet it’s all so worth it. Hard to explain until you have kids.

Agi Choote 1y ago 💬 1

My best friend (30+) is a single mom raising twins and her mother is helping with looking after children as the mother is working her ass off to support all four of them.

In the last years the grandmother(60+) has turned absolutely horrible to my friend: blaming her and her children for her own shitty life. To the point of telling her she’s the direct fault of her health problems and when she dies my friend can only blame herself.

I have known both of them since almost 20 years and I believe this behavior is purely compounding stress without ability to take a break.

I love those children like my own, but damn, neither of them four are having a good life.

HODL 1y ago

Being a single mom is definitely not an ideal situation.