Subnostr

his theory about how a trauma or attachment to mother can cause a guy to be gay is intriguing. So i could be straight if i could just find where it all went wrong. in my case my mother was not anxious or attached. she did however complain to me about my father frequently. I have always excused this as my role in the family because I understood my father's obsessive tendencies with his work and emotional neglect of my mother through my own personality.

I was also the 3rd son in the family and 5 son in the broader structure. my mom was surrounded by athletic, hard-working men who were not to be found when child-care, housework was to be done. i was the "kitchen window son" looking out at the guys playing soccer in the yard. but someone had to help mom.

I don't think this is the cause of sexual preference as my sexual preference started probably around 4-5 with my earliest memories.

gojiberra 1y ago

can a disney movie influence a kid at a young age? i have an early probably 4 year old memory of Disney's little mermaid confronting her studly merman father. this scene stuck in my memory as something I would pretend with friends at school. I was conflicted as I wanted to be the mermaid and I was attracted to the merman father.

Could it be that all the princess disney movies could be confusing to male children trying to detach from mothers and attach to fathers?

if this is true, it would be doubly unlucky because I was not allowed to see Disney movies as a kid. I must have seen this scene at someone else's house or at school.

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gojiberra 1y ago

when i was 4 or 5 I had a "girlfriend" at school that I was always holding her hand. we would walk down the lane together between the school buildings. I loved her with all my little 4 year old heart and called her my girlfriend.

and it wasn't just at school, i have a picture of holding hands walking down the driveway with my little red-haired girl cousin who i absolutely loved.

so part of me wonders what happened between the little "girlfriends" that I had at 4 or 5 and then 2nd, 3rd grade desire to Only play Make-Believe with girls and avoid playing kickball/soccer with the boys my age (they were boring, unimaginative, dirty). only Will in the next grade up was amazing.

gojiberra 1y ago

The compulsive piece stuck out to me because logically speaking, we have many compulsions and intrusive thoughts that we don't act on.

1. i may have compulsion to drink every day, but I don't do that

2. intrusive thoughts come along from time-to-time but we recognize them for what they are and continue along.

i say this because part of "becoming gay" revolved around my dreams as a kid. If one is attracted to the same sex in a dream, does this mean one is gay and it's dishonest to try to have sex with a woman.

the obsessive part would be "ok i dreamed of having sex with a man, so i should not trick a woman into having sex with me because I'm not 100% sure. and there are plenty of men who will have sex so i don't have to confront this worry about telling a woman that I also have dreams of men."

I definitely had dreams of deer (hey bambi) and I'm not out here trying to have sex with one of those.

gojiberra 1y ago

lots of mentions sex in here to fill the time before 100k bitcoin

no seriously, the quickest person in my life to understand Bitcoin was someone who has OCD.

so all of us that are going to have bitcoin kids, the only purpose of writing all this stuff here is to help us figure out the best practice for future humans.

just like understanding what diet does to body, it's good to know what trickeries OCD might do.

and my "not financial advice" piece.

I love gays, i am/was gay. I love the freedom in this country to be "sexually liberated". i also love the freedom to question that "sexual liberation" from a spiritual perspective.

any change must be a heart change. i have 0 desire for someone to live a certain way because they are forced to. they have to listen to their heart. i love the freedom to follow the heart.

and I pray every day that my heart follows christ.

The Beave 1y ago

This is such an open, honest, deep exploration of this topic in a personal way. Thank you for sharing. Keep up your struggle. 🫂💪

gojiberra 1y ago

Thank you, Beave