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purrs_for_Her

lol

omg, my fren~!

where have you been~?

i missed ya~! ^_^

Subema 4d ago 💬 1

Missed you too 🤗

Well, I had some invoices being delayed on me (not life-threatening, but definitely a hard bummer, especially in December, where gigs are sparse in my line of work), been coming to terms with my fantasy and real life not exactly having fitting knobs and notches. So when my paid relay expired it didn't feel like posting for a while.

But I missed the little bits of interactions from here, although it seemed that my network had grown a little bit quieter too. And my bookmark folder with links and ideas to enrich my swamp became too big to list on one screen, so I decided that this time I won't let it sit with other activities in my deep, deep 'preparing to do something' bin and start to actually clear that :)

Happy to see you are still up on your #100pushups! Sorry I wasn't here to give you props along the way 😅

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purrs_for_Her 4d ago 💬 1

thanks, fren~! i actually got bored of the pushups and went to something else, but then btc went below 100k again, so meh, why not lol

what has your journey been like "coming to terms?" i had a similar journey years ago as i was still discovering myself (maybe we never stop discovering ourselves..?).

we're blessed to live in a time where we a have a great deal of influence in the direction of our lives. it's frustrating or even saddening at times to be reminded that much of what is considered "control of our lives" simply resides in how we respond to uncontrollable circumstances.

idk ~ i'm still learning too :3

Subema 10h ago 💬 2

Sorry, I missed your reply on the new Nostrudel notification layout 🤔

'Coming to terms,' well, I don't know—it was a long series of my expectations being too high and not being met repeatedly, but sometime around nostr:nevent1qvzqqqqqqypzqk3xrfsnzx2xmyex4323n8jfg2hq6ygss66uyx5g2uzncsht63yqqy88wumn8ghj7mn0wvhxcmmv9uq3wamnwvaz7tmjv4kxz7fwv9a85ctdduhxuet59uqzqfmfgg94vzfphtlzfxke80gxgwgayl9vkk9dxfych6rekzxyks54543xvj

my subconscious part of mind finally (or unfortunately) caught up and stopped projecting my fantasies, so I no longer see a future where it could lead to any kind of remotely FLR fun. We have to find out how to walk first again I guess, with jobs, kids (which are definitely a big part of why things have changed, but not to blame), friend circle getting more settled too.

Maybe I am just getting old 😅

purrs_for_Her 8h ago

wow

thank you for sharing

what an interesting topic

i want to take some time with a response, but maybe i should just write something longer

idk

anyway, i think there is too much overlap between FLR and femdom (something i'm guilty of myself). this is why fantasy often bleeds into the relationship.

ironically, letting go of an "FLR fantasy" is the first step towards an FLR. and when you say, "we have to learn how to walk first again," that's correct, but also learning to see again—through the eyes of a lover rather than through the lens of a fantasy.

FLRs are essentially D/s relationships—which are not for everyone. but if you feel that this style of relationship is for you, if you feel that submission is more part of your character than sexual expression, then surrendering your fantasy is the the very first step of submission.

and if it's not, then that's okay too. because then you can have more clarity within yourself and for your partner so you both can grow toward a place of mutual understanding and intimacy.

Subema 7h ago

Thanks for the reassuring words. We actually discussed with my wife that she might feel 'less under expectation to perform,' so to say, and that could help her feel more comfortable in it. Seeing that after three months, I think I can cast at least foreshadowing and say that, if it ever was an issue, it was a stand-in at best.

The D/s relationship is definitely not for everyone, but I thought/hoped that being 'merely' on the receiving end—as I put her on my goddess pedestal—would be manageable. And to complicate things more, as I have physical touch as my primary love language, the relationship for me vines around physical intimacy (not necessarily sex, you get the gist). That's both a foreign language and a different speed of speech: she likes things to move fast and reach things swiftly, I am more of a prolonged outercourse guy 😅

Nothing is a problem by itself, and we managed to work things through in a relationship longer than many marriages, but it costs energy, and with things like they are now, energy is at a premium.

So I think when you can't change the circumstances (kids have kinda grown on me), you must change yourself.