I agree. I think marriage is turning into something that is actually because people want it, and not because itās a need or a requirement for survival. And that changes what an āideal mateā is, in biological terms. It wonāt look like it did when we were kids, because the rights and opportunities of people (women, LGBTQ, etc) donāt look like they did back then (nor 30 years before that). People actually have more freedom to choose (or not choose) marriage, or the relationships they want. Freedom for groups that historically didnāt have those choices is bound to change how people relate to each otherā¦ IMO the pros outweigh any cons or growing pains as we adjust to the new paradigm. I hope as a species we continue to evolve vs trying to hold onto the past where many humans were extremely limited in their opportunities.
Discussion
When was the last time a man had to get married for survival?
Bingo! Now women have that same choice.
Such an interesting conversation! When I was younger an single and going to university in a big city I definitely fell into the "sexual marketplace" trap as @cameri mentioned above - there was a point I didn't swipe right on anyone who wasn't [insert insanely unrealistic physical requirement here] and my self worth was ~completely~ entangled with the perceived ~caliber~ of man I could get a date with.
I think it's a phase, and while I don't think it's necessarily detrimental to anyone's wellbeing in the long run, I do know for sure that it takes a fair share of deprogramming and personal growth to get out of thinking that way.
Technology (i.e. dating apps) and subsequently culture (specifically hookup culture) is changing so much faster than our psychology evolves to keep up.
I think hookup culture itself is neutral, but the apps definitely encourage unhealthy mindsets. Some people are immune I think, but not me in my 20s, and not the majority of young people. If you think about it, until now, having so many options for dates at your fingertips wasn't "natural". Now it's a part of reality, and we have to learn how to navigate it in a healthy way and think about dating differently. We haven't unlocked it yet!
šAll of this. I never was much for app dating, but I had friends that used it and I can see how the gamification of dating can be psychologically harmful. I do think itās hard to come to a point in our lives (no matter the technology) where we are able to look for value in people that isnāt highly skewed by what society tells us is valuable (appearances being one of the main ones). For me, the journey of unlearning that is as much for loving myself as it is for enabling me to love someone else successfully.
So the assumption you built your whole point on in the previous post is wrong
š¤ No. my point was that at least 50% of the populations rights are substantially different, and heterosexual relationships, which consist of 1/2 womenā¦ are naturally impacted by that. I never said ALL people married for survival in recent history. I said some people do - just a measley 50% of the human species.
Something that impacts āonlyā women (50% of population) impacts 100% of heterosexual relationships. The point is that heterosexual relationships are not the same. The goals and utility of them are different.
Many men previously married to have someone to help them run a house and operate a farm. There was a literal need to have someone in the kitchen to cook otherwise no one was eating.
I feel like, collectively, the male gender still struggles to know how to handle tasks around the home and kitchen (not to say there arenāt men who excel here). And whatās interesting is that being willing to carry their own weight in this area would actually go really far for making them more desirable as a partner. My experience is that theyāre resistant to this because it wasnāt modeled for them in their homes growing up.
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I never understood how it seemed like all apartments belonging to men in their early 20ās shared the same odd stickiness everywhere until I watched my nephew clean things. I have seen strategic incompetence in action and used from a young age. I wonāt be infantilizing men. Iāve known plenty of men capable and willing of being partners in household chores and cooking. Itās the bare fucking minimum. As an adult seeking out the skills you need to improve is just basic life skills.
Do you think women in general find men who do chores around the house, chores traditionally done by women in the past, like washing dishes & clothes, sewing, cooking, sweeping, dusting, an attractive quality in men?
They all say they do, but in reality no they don't.
Itās so hot. Having a capable caring partner so very hot! š„µ
When talking about partnerships, 100%. I canāt speak to those looking for physical connection only. But women are learning new skills to be competitive in the workplace and are interested in partners who are able to be equals and who are also striving to improve and grow. Continuing to do all the tasks that are typically āfemale codedā, while also bringing in incomes equal to or greater than their partners, is a recipe for resentment. From what I know from my experience as a woman, those that Iām close to, and the content Iāve read - equality during the second shift is HIGHLY attractive and desired and largely missing. To me, this is a natural pain point of societal growth and no one expects people to instantly evolveā¦ but some acknowledgment and effort here can go a LONG way.
My dad vacuums! Be with a man who vacuums
I personally enjoy vacuuming... Weād drown in cat hair otterwise. This one has a laser light that shows you the hair and particles on the floor in low light! No idea how we lived before this vacuumā¦
Yes! Even better is acknowledging the reality of how hard this work is and planning to hire a third party if the couple both have busy jobs.
Communication, organization and planning is key in a successful relationship (in addition to soul level sex to bring each partner to their genius level āØ
Working in the fiat grind 40hrs/wk for 40yrs and debasement of currency of 40% since 2020 lockdown? Working together as team is 100% attractive. Bitcoin is freedom from the grind ššš
plus all these kids of boomers saw their parents divorce en masse, and realized that was a bad path function to successful, multigenerational families