Subnostr

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that's grief. there is grief in that. tiny feet that will never be so tiny again. pitter patter run will never sound the same cos never the same height & weight (godwilling) all little ones only grow, only thrive, only gain in space & territory at this age.

grief, yea, of a kind, a certain quality

a letting go to welcome in this new day, this new way, now they dont like carrots, oh that was the season they only ate mashed potatoes, whoa the carrots are having a reprise, no they are out again, wait a cameo

nobody 1y ago

a universe, a whole universe difference between this, this grief

& the grief of losing the irreplaceable with nothing there waiting in the dawn except paperwork, except more phonecalls, except coming into an understanding that nothing that nothing could ever hope to ever fill, how many ways, recognition of ever new ways, like a nightmare generator, of never filled again

death grief

given the unacceptable

& asked to still breathe about it

drive a car about it

press food to your lips & chew & swallow about it like the most mundane moments of everything about life are colluding in a gaslight together about how this isnt even a big deal

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Discussion

nobody 1y ago

wouldn't press the red button sure

but honestly? anyone who has ever experienced death grief should be given one. like here. this is so unacceptable you can set off a whole ass nuke on jupiter about it if you press this button.

nobody 1y ago

the level of catastrophe warrants it.

& if you dont think so

that's ok

i simply know you havent lost a loved one & i hope when you do, cos we all do, you are surrounded by gentle loving arms you trust.

sharing why

to share this:

nobody 1y ago

~now~

this is grief madness

grief psychosis

like falling down a water well & braced at the bottom mere inches above the inkspill waterline

where you fell from? so high above you, unreachable? only source of light? up up the tunnel of slimey cold stone holding the earth back from imminent collapse onto you? the moon or might as well be

as reachable as

nobody 1y ago

cos we, the privileged, outside the immediate event horizon of what it is to have your feet in gaza, your throat caught on olive tree branches, your knuckles sore & ripped from moving rubble

we? we know that needle is moving & has been

nobody 1y ago

an immense amount of effort, from each & every one of us who are alive all around this world is holding that needle from slipping further. insisting that needle move up up onto better ground, out of the red, the carnage, the children's war

nobody 1y ago

people who have set themselves on fire in protest of where that needle was

wrote poems til they were assassinated about that needle

reported the news as their family was murdered, as they buried their family, as they struggled to sew stellate wounds by phone light in bombed hospitals

nobody 1y ago

the vastness of the unacceptable

makes it seem as if what is

cant possibly be

that it must be a translation error

makes it seem like

if only if only they knew

if only i could tell them i could show them how unacceptable to me personally this loss this one loss even i will pick just one they would rewrite the laws of the universe about it

surely they would

they would have to

that they havent

means there is an error somewhere

a gap they arent grasping

nobody 1y ago

i dont know who they is

but i know in grief a they exists

a someone at least a someone

maybe everyone who doesnt get it

who if they got it

wouldnt be like this in my proximity

nobody 1y ago

use your executive perks to rewrite time

do not touch me

& at the very same time, i think with this knife you can unzip a part of me, dont worry the hurt will be a welcome distraction, cos im pretty sure i need someone to manually pump my heart for now. do you cover executive function as well or just time travel?

what do you mean you have to touch me to manually pump my heart. no. dont touch me. yes your hand inside my chest cavity you need to do it.

nobody 1y ago

all of this is too much to fall under the purview of grief

like there needs to be 47 words to even begin to touch the different kinds, how they change over the course of a day, intensify, recede, like tides

the grief of: the first time i almost forgot for a fraction of a second how unacceptable the missing shape of you that touches every part of me even is

the first time i got so habituated to this that this just feels normal right? ive never not felt this way im pretty sure?

nobody 1y ago

if that needle falters

we shore it back up

we are getting that needle on better ground & have been

we are

the whole planet

we are doing this

unacceptable either way

already so lose lose it isnt even fathomable

& it matters & it doesnt matter

we are moving that needle