It makes it hard for me to poop

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Seriously? Coffee actually has a lot of fiber, which is why people often end up running to the bathroom after drinking it.

you don't drink the fiber son

the reason you run to take a shit after a coffee is because it's a stimulant type laxative

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system

it's the same reason why ( hopefully ) you don't shit while you're sleeping in bed at night

when you sleep your intestine goes into sleep mode ... when you drink coffee it goes into sprint

Oh I only drink energy drink poison