Ahhh here it comes... I start reviewing everything I said over Thanksgiving and picking it apart. Said something wrong, gotta replay it a million times, hope they didn't catch it...
Discussion
I have left so now my family can start reviewing everything I said over Thanksgiving and picking it apart.
As for me, they either like me or they don't. I won't be reviewing.
My advice,
I know that this officially makes me the annoying old guy who can't see reason. I don't care because I'm the annoying old guy who can't see reason.
I wish my subconscious was that rational.
(Its actually ego, but I think subconscious will be more understood)
It took years of practice to get from the way you are to the way I am. Weirdly I still can't stop ruminating on things from the before time even though the best I could manage if my wife pointed out something I did today is "haha, oh well"
There will be things and she will point them out. Don't for a moment think I stopped flubbing simple social interactions.
Is there any good strategy for ending mental looping? In the past I think I remember reading about the Zeigarnik effect where we supposedly remember tasks we haven't finished better than those we have completed. I wonder if I physically wrote out these recurrent loops of conversations where I am micromanaging responses I got wrong it would close these loops out. After all - almost always - I know intellectually no one is thinking about me or what I said / did / wore for more than 5 minutes after I am out of sight.
Idk. I'm willing to try that. With music, I can just turn it off. When I was a kid, music would really torture me, just looping on maximum volume in my head, and I eventually learned to just slam it off. I do that for sleep, too. I say, "sleep now," in my mind, and then I wake up 8 hours later, usually with no dreams. I'm kinda fascinated with this shit. But it's different with people and this trick doesn't work.
I don't think most people replay things like this.
It seems to only happen when I drink.
I get to experience it all again, only sober. Yay.
Needless to say, I rarely drink these days.
Drinking ain't worth it.
I used to call it "the guilts"
Needed more gaba.
L-theanine solves this.
I just learned some cool stuff - thanks!
You're very welcome. Learning about this is one of the things I wish I learned sooner
i literally experienced this yesterday. the night before, i drank about 2 pints of stout and all day yesterday in all my interactions with everyone, this constant picking at myself, this guilt and sense of unworthiness.
alcohol causes this.
i decided yesterday, from now on, my social drinking consists of 1/4 red wine and 3/4 soda water. i don't ever want to consume more than about 350ml of wine, over a ~8 hour period, and only ever in a social context, and the next day, i will suffer for it. but not as much as i did yesterday.
i used to live in a permanent haze of "the guilts".
the main reason why i finally have snapped out of it is because it was stopping me from recovering from sucralose/acesulfame-k damaging my kidneys, and keeping me from recovering my natural thirst.
oh yeah. and theanine. i am now routinely taking a cacau/maca blend, and i started adding a teaspoon of matcha to it. it is quite high in caffeine, but also theanine.
if it heals me of the short term damage of alcohol, how much more it can help if i don't drink.
When I was telling a hospital story and got a lecture, and pushed back with voice raised, was an experience. First time almost yelling at the dinner table at Thanksgiving was interesting.