that isnt me, has never been me, will never be me and no part of my behavior or ethos or whatever is like:
idk this may be a lie
it simply isnt me
so anyone who could assume or imagine it to be me?
is a stranger to me
in entirety
for someone to ever say: i know her. she is this way.
that person does not know me
and every single person in my actual real life can testify to that absolute fact
never, if i really think about it, has an off the cuff flirty cavalier thing which ultimately distills down to what?
"my friends are good people to me i think you would like meeting them"
been so outrageously misinterpreted
back to the song:
I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around
I won't do that
No, I won't do
----
"the sooner or later you'll be screwing around"
is not my accusation
so i am not the one saying that
so gently to everyone who is severely monogamous, which is fine
i am not severely monogamous
i do not experience jealousy like that
i am a very: everyone is self sovereign over their own precious body
another person's body is not my business
even someone i ~am~ sleeping with unless do to their poor judgement, lack of medical care, and respect for me, get ~me~ sick
i do not care if that is such an L
as in, im sorry it is not popular to feel this way
i am sorry that comes across very heavy on some "not like other girls" inherently misogynist tip
i mean it
but i do get to be me and not some paragon of virtue
cos honestly? it is a deeper virtue to me that i am holding to
self sovereignty
if i was married
and my husband cheated on me without letting me know
and then gave me hiv
i would be so pissed i would divorce him
if i was married
and my husband cheated on me without letting me know and then was like: baby i have the worst news in the world, i have hiv
i would not divorce him
that's ~me~
dont be me or be me
like whatever i am not saying i am: "correct"
im saying that's where i am
why am i sharing this?
because it is an intrinsic distinction to my lived experience of me
i carry it, i carry it in
once there was someone who insisted on buying me a plane ticket
i didnt know why
to me i was like: ive got it i dont want you to
he really insisted
i really insisted back
and i started to think this disagreement didnt bode well for us for the future
we never met up
he later told me he was sorry he was so insistent but he was that insistent because he did not want the cash i threw in for the plane ticket to compel me to sleep with him if something felt wrong when he shared what he only wanted to share in person