Expectations are rarely met with reality, as nostr:nprofile1qy28wumn8ghj7cmpwfkx7uedvdjxytn5dacqzythwden5te0ve5kzar2v9nzucm0d5qzqm666fgx90sqfhpqptzqvuswf26hef449nqemck96zmmakc24p0xqetu9u mentioned, negotiations are part of a healthy relationship. Plans, expectations and all that stuff goes out of the window once you face new situations.
Very smart conversations you've got going on here, thank you gentlemen.
Again if roles and expectations are set why would i need to negotiate with my wife.
You wouldn't, you would just need to reassert your role, and failing to do so would reveal you as an insecure loser, failing her shit test (which is instinctually to test whether she is with a strong, righteous man, or whether she needs to be worried about herself).
This sounds like what people do when they get married without clear roles and expectations set and now have to try to set them after the facf with an obstinate woman who wants to wear the pants
That is a false dichotomy.
Education and prior selection avoids ending up with someone who is not compatible with you, negotiation fixes surprises along the way.
Do you think that any woman would ever accept the role of "do whatever I say because I am the man"? I think that did not happen even 100 years ago.
Yes i've seen it in person many times. Submission to the headship of the husband
That's how it works in my house.
I stfu and completely cede the "emotional space" to wife and kids, meaning I don't get any emotional mommy like support from my wife, and in return I get to be the man, in sex and in leadership.
What I say goes, but I lead with grace to the best of my ability, careful never to tyrannize.
This arrangement has been tested with very severe disagreements and even life/death situations.
It's an old recipe and it works.
That's exactly what it is.
"Negotiations" about decisions the man is responsible for making is awarded with ever increasing authority and territory the woman, ultimately capitulating the respect and admiration that made the relationship possible to begin with.
In other words: the woman eventually learns she married a loser and has to mete out satisfaction outside of the marriage in creative ways.
