First, I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

1. it never really does, or at least hasn't for me after 10+ years. "real" means something different now.

2. letting it happen

I have many friends who have lost parents after I did. What mattered the most to me was support and I never had it, so I wanted to make sure I could be there for my friends after it happened. Don't be afraid to ask a close friend(s) (especially one that has lost a parent too) to help you even with the most basic things for a little while. If you have children, I don't think you should completely hide your grief from them either. Try your best to be understanding of your friends and family they don't know what to do to help, don't be afraid to be up front with them, tell them what will help you. Making dinners, going shopping for you, taking your kids for the weekend or to their activities for you once and a while. Take some time off work, don't be afraid to go somewhere but understand that you might not enjoy it. If your parent was older, keep in mind you may have a lot of paperwork to handle, take your time, it can be very overwhelming, again ask for help but don't be too naive!

The one thing that worked for me, was just to keep moving. Don't stop, practice patience, and when grief comes on, it's going to happen and you can't control it. For me it's usually the simplest things that bring it on. You must learn your triggers and tools that help you cope when grief comes on so you can feel confident in public or at work and so on.

To me the most important thing I learned is that you cannot control grief and you should not try to control it, it will only make it more difficult to carry. It will happen when you least expect it, and when it's the most disruptive.

You can do it. One day at a time, one step at a time. And when you are ready, take it, 5 days at a time, 10 days and so on. Go back to baby steps when you need to, but you will need to progress and continue looking past the right now!

I hope this helps.