🫂 remember your cool, and you don't even use caps

🤙

I needed a short break for a digital detox. I was spending all my spare time on nostr and did not get any work done on my FOSS development projects.

The messages and content that I believed was triggering my negative emotional reactions. Was not the source of my distress and nightmares. When I stopped going on Nostr the nightmares did not end. They persisted and this made me realize that blaming Nostr for my troubled past was not an appropriate response to move forward in a positive direction.

The technical issues that I have with Nostr as a protocol still very much exists. Not being able to effectively block any users from following you. Developers being addicted to github due to product lockin and fear of losing contributors. Is both sad and hilariously ironic given the nature of the Nostr protocol itself. The only way that is going to change is by constantly encouraging them to see the light. Instead of abandoning them and leaving them behind to wallow in darkness. I am one of the few people here who actually give a shit about this. So if I go who will carry the torch of freedom to help show them the way?

The fact that there are forces of both good and evil at play here on Nostr is still apparent. However the very same could be said about everywhere on the internet. No one is safe, or insulated anywhere. If you are online you have to face the light and the dark daily. The good and the bad. However here I believe there are more good kind hearted people that truly believe in freedom of speech than anywhere else. So I would rather be with my kin. A family of heroes willing to face the darkness of our every day lives together.

As for the female developer with a face so artistic and beautiful that it makes me feel uncomfortable. There is nothing I can do about that. Blaming someone for how they look, because you can't stop staring is a childish reaction. I am satisfied and happy in my current relationship. That is not going to change. So it is best to just man up and stop being uncomfortable.

Coming back to Nostr also was a social decision. For I need some form of social interaction. I am incapable of trusting people, or having friendships in the real world. Due to being stabbed in the back, or lied to by everyone who got close to me. Cutting off my only form of positive social interactions that has a built in effective insulated barrier. Only hurts myself and deprives me of developong any meaningful connections with anyone.

So in conclusion I am back, but now using more self control with a stronger foundation in stoicism. Practicing moderation of screen time and being more aggressive with blocking unwanted content. To curriate my online experience. While encouraging developers to fix the imperfections in the protocol. Is the correct adult response.

I also took steps today to resolve some of the underlying issues for my nightmares. By facing my fears and confronting the true sources of my PTSD. Not running away and hiding from them . Which was the false solution to my announcement for leaving Nostr.

I hope this explains my situation a little better. Thank you for caring. Have a wonderful day. GM