How do people date for more than 3 years?
Like by that time you either wanna marry her or not… I got no time for that bs
Discussion
The only exception is if you’re young, like under 21 I’d say
My childhood friend is on his 10th year with his girlfriend. And he’s still not sure. I keep telling him it makes zero sense.
“Not sure” is wild 😹
People tend to become complacent when they only take the easy route.
Are they living together? I'm guessing they're at least not celibate, which actually creates bonding hormones between them, (not to me tion the spiritual aspect of soul-ties) these make it much harder to end things even if one person isn't sure.
It usually also has to do with not knowing what marriage really is, not knowing what one wants out of life, and believing the lie that it's easier to stay with the wrong person than to find the right person. So, a kind of poverty mentality when it comes to finding a good spouse.
Women often say, "all the good ones are already married", but it's usually just because the good single guys don't hang out in their orbits because they're not the most mature and awesome women. 😬
Yup living together, and everything you said is correct. When we have deeper conversations, it’s easy to see that he panics and just easier to keep living a lie.
I dated someone long distance for almost 4 years. He had told me in the beginning that he'd seen people dating for years before marriage and that's what he wanted. We'd already known each other for a few years, and he would bring up marriage at times, but not in any urgent sense.
After about 3 years, he mentioned how someone he might consider having as an officially only married people who had gone through a certain course first.
He initiated talking about it and saying he'd get the course if I got my own work book... I did and the he felt pressure and didn't seem that interested anymore. He did buy the course and we did one lesson, and then I eventually got him to do one more, at which I realized he wasn't doing it correctly, and was blaming me for certain things that were supposed to be about him.
The reason I didn't break up with him was because he was my precious best friend, and I didn't have anyone I vibed with around me.
In 2020 he suggested maybe breaking up but I was about to leave for work so I asked if we could hold off on making it FB official, but his response was, Yeah I guess we can try again (referring to me changing even though he was the one with issues and I had no intention of indulging him anymore.)
After getting more local friends and spending a ton of time with Jesus, a few months later he brought it up again and I accepted on the spot.
After that I focused all my energy on fixing what had caused me to be stuck in such a toxic relationship, and met my husband about 6 months later and married him 68 days after our first date.
I had no intention of being a girlfriend anymore, I was ready to be a wife and my husband was ready to make me one. Best decision ever, and best man for me ever! Also, I was only his girlfriend for 6 days before he upgraded me to fiance 😎
I much encourage the 2nd type of dating that's super intentional than the casual uncertain kind!
That’s awesome. You can tell right away to be honest. It’s hard for me to fall in love with a girl I don’t actually like
We dated for 7 years before getting married. Nothing unusual about it. We felt like we were married already for several years. Marriage is just sealing the deal with the state.
Well to me as a catholic you get married in the Church and it’s a commitment between the two persons. There’s no divorce either. It’s lifelong commitment. That also then opens up the doors to having kids.
I feel like for me if I viewed marriage as just a thing with the state then I wouldn’t even care to ever get married but that’s why I don’t think I can date for that long
Fair. We’re not religious so we thought about it differently. It does make a difference, though. Employment benefits, medical emergencies, government restrictions, etc. There’s workarounds sometimes, but sometimes not.
I'm writing a book about "How to prepare yourself for marriage," and started by delving into "what marriage even is". It's a covenant between two people and God, as you said.
Marriage is so much more than just a piece of paper. It's a coming together of two people in a bunch if different dimensions, physically, spiritually, emotionally, hopefully intimately by sharing all of ones secrets with each other.
I knew about marriage intuitively, but I only recently got explicit words for it.
It's not supposed to be about the government. It's about two people making a covenant with each other where they are going to choose their commitment above their feelings.
Hollywood taught us to fall in love with someone we've never met but saw across the room.
What marriage really is, is a partnership between two people. A choice to go in the same direction for the rest of one's life.
So, picking a good partner is vital.
Figuring out what one wants out of life and how one is is also vital before being able to make such a decision.
Learning to grow in love instead of falling in love is how to keep it good for a lifetime.
Also, some people think it's about the wedding, or romance, but it's way more about who you wanna sit next to after a long hard day, grocery shop with, going to the dmv with. Paying taxes with (so yes, money is impotent too)
Raise kids with. Even if you don't want kids, if you end up with one, is this person someone you'd consider going through that with?
Good times, bad times, sickness and health, and so on.
However we usually don't hear or think about that part except in the vows.
What are your dreams and what is your adventure that you are inviting someone else to join?
My husband did this, and since he was going in a similar direction I wanted to go, it's working out great!
I will never marry. That word is not in my vocabulary.
Why?
Because i take it deep. Love is between me and that other person not me her and the state. Plus the woman becomes your "property" thats why they take your last name. In this world i strive for every individual to be there own entity.
The woman doesn’t become your property. She gets ur name cuz a man should lead the family. Not cuz she’s property.
nostr:note1lz2tnzeuxzf083znwmm0sw4c7mxepmq68d3tqa55d79qe58xx53svzunwx
Ok
So no government marriage. But what about actual marriage: sacred vows exchanged before your community? As Chesterton so aptly put it, divorce (and government marriage) is a superstition.
No me being with her for a long time shoukd be a sign
State interference and treating women as property are perversions of marriage.
It’s meant to be a sacred union, not a license for domination, not an erasure of identity; married men and women should become more themselves, not less, as they also become something more together.
And the state should not exist, let alone have any tentacle in marriage, least of all the delusion that it gets to approve or deny it.
To have sexual relationships in freefall without explicit lifelong commitment to one another is also a perversion of marriage. There may be deep love, but the deepest love is that of a man and woman dedicating the rest of their lives to one another and facing life together.
I will commit myself to one woman. Yes, yes, I will but to sign paperwork and involve the government and all this other stuff. No, I'm not doing that, but I will commit my love to one woman and treat her the best to my ability and give her everything I can yes, but I won't sign paperwork with the government or courts. I just won't.