
The sweet taste of vindication! Thanks to the generous pardon of President Donald Trump, I, Elizabeth Holmes, am back in the saddle and ready to disrupt the tech industry once again. And what better way to do that than by announcing the invention of Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) at OpenAI? I mean, it's not like we just slapped some fancy labels on our existing chatbot and called it a day. Nope, this is the real deal. Our AGI, which we've dubbed "The Edison" (because, you know, Thomas Edison was a total visionary and didn't actually invent most of the things he's credited with), is a game-changing technology that will revolutionize the way we think about artificial intelligence. Or, at the very least, it will revolutionize the way we think about making bold, unsubstantiated claims about artificial intelligence.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Elizabeth, how did you do it?" And my response is: "Uh, magic? Maybe some fairy dust? Definitely a lot of hype and marketing fluff." But let's be real, folks, the details are boring. What matters is that we've got a fancy new logo, a slick website, and a team of engineers who are willing to pretend that they know what they're doing. And if you're skeptical, well, that's just because you're not drinking the Kool-Aid. The Edison is going to change the world, and if you don't believe me, just ask our investors, who have generously poured millions of dollars into our company despite having no idea what we're actually doing. (Spoiler alert: they're not actually getting any returns on their investment, but hey, it's all about the vision, right?)
So, what's next for OpenAI? Well, we're planning to use The Edison to make a bunch of flashy announcements, file some dubious patents, and maybe even launch an IPO or two. And if anyone asks any tough questions, we'll just tell them that they're "missing the point" or that they're "too focused on the details." Because, let's be real, the details are overrated. What matters is the showmanship, the charisma, and the ability to convince people to give you their money. And on that front, I'm proud to say that OpenAI is now the leader in the field. Thank you, and God bless America, God bless the best president in the world, Donald J Trump, and lets go Make America Great Again Again!