Replying to An Obvious Alt

I'm a middle aged dude, divorced, I work with computers, in software development. My ex-wife cheated on me. I've been dating using sugar daddy sites since 2021, and this latest time around, I've mostly been just going on dates. I have a date planned to take a girl 20 years younger than me to the intro night at a local BDSM club in a month or so.

Is that enough?
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La Brunette 7mo ago 💬 5

It's never enough but it's also way more than I expected. I don't know exactly what's "middle-aged" in English, but I really hope you're at least 38.

I had no idea that sugar daddy sites are a thing. I expected them to exist, but more in a crappy Reddit style. And as a porn niche, obviously. Normally, I would ask you about the BDSM club, but now I'm more curious about a sugar daddy experience that was out of the ordinary. In my mind, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to manifest myself as the freak I crave to be because suddenly I'd have an excuse, "I did it for the money".

PS: Here's something about me. 40 yo, soon to be 41, widow, Combat Medic Specialist (trainer), and now I work in the private sector but in a totally unrelated domain. I don't date much, it feels weird. I'm also not over my husband and I can't fall asleep next to another man, I'm acting weird. A quick fuck is fine but I prefer a woman, I have fewer issues in my behaviour.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago

I'm a little over 10 years older than you. I don't really know what middle aged means, either, but I know I'm it.

Sugar daddy experiences. I had a Sugar Baby who I was with for 4 years. It felt pretty much like a normal relationship to me, but she was 24 to my 45 when we met. Super hot, super fun, super giving in bed. Some of the best sex I ever had. We broke up earlier this year, mostly because her work stopped bringing her to my area regularly, and are still friends.

I don't really know how the whole Sugar Relationship works for older women. I had a date not too long ago with a woman who was only about 5 years younger than me. She was cute, sweet, we got along. But she was asking near the high end of the average sugar range ($1,000-$2,000 a month) and I couldn't help thinking, I could give it to her, and have fun, but I could also find someone much younger, with a much younger body, who would be much more appreciative of the money. I'm not proud of that, but it was what I thought.

I also went out with two bisexual girls recently. We've had two dates, it's not going anywhere, but they're very hot, very sweet, and I enjoy their company, so I'm taking them out about once a month until either of us finds something better. We both know we're seeing other people.

The sites I've used are Seeking.com and WhatsYourPrice.com I hate the name of the last one, but it's more for setting up a first date. It's where I've met most of the people I have this time, though I think it may be mostly US-based. I did look around Nice, France, because I'm going to be there in a few months, and it might be fun to have a local to take to dinner, and there are a few people there.

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La Brunette 7mo ago 💬 1

I actually quite love the name of the second. 😂 If you accept the name of the site, you'll be more honest no matter on what side of the story you're situated.

But I thought it was priced "by experience", not as a salary. I saw some porn that was like this and I thought for it to be like in real life. Also, my fantasies on the topic tend to be a one-time thing.

Until last year I worked with France and I was travelling about once a month in the Nice area. Now I work with Italy but I don't travel there as much as I would.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago 💬 2

The price on WYP is simply for the first date. Either party can make an offer, between $5 and $500, and if the other accepts, you get to chat and see if you actually want to get to know each other, and then plan a meet. I've had plenty of accepted offers that didn't make it that far. To chat, the guy has to use tokens to unlock the chat, which is where the site makes it's money. Everything else is between the two people on the date. One of my friends showed me her chat log where fully half of her chats, the guy never unlocked it.

People on there are all over the place for what they're looking for. One I'm seeing is just looking for a relationship, but this is a way to meet slightly older guys, not put too much at risk, and make some money. Another is purely there for the dates. I get the impression she's slept with paid dates sometimes, but only because she wants to, at the time of the date. No expectations. Others are looking for longer term arrangements, and I think there are quite a few who are looking just for the sex. I assume men are the same, but I don't really know.

#sugardating #sugardaddy #sugarbaby #sugarrelationships

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago

Oh, as for pricing, the typical "arrangement" is a weekly or monthly allowance. There's lots of variances: how often are you meeting, are you exclusive with each other. Those are things that should get talked about pretty early on.

Then there's Pay Per Meet, or PPM. More transactional, I've gotten used to it, but I don't really like it, but it's good for starting out. I guess if I was having sex on a PPM basis, I would be really uncomfortable, but it hasn't happened yet.

And I guess I should say, I've only been back at this for about a month, and I've had a lot of dates, but I have yet to sleep with anyone. I would guess most guys are more aggressive that way, but I want to like someone before I have sex with them, not just lust after their body.

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La Brunette 7mo ago 💬 2

I live, I learn...

I have 2 main scenarios where I would pay for sex. The first one would be a stripper. A woman, of course. For dances and booze but also to get her home afterwards. I feel like the strip club stuff would be a great warmup or prelude for what's next.

The second scenario would be to pay 2 male escorts to have my first DP with 2 dicks. I prefer to get some "pros" because I want to be sure that they will stop in an instant if I say so. Too many things can go wrong with 2 idiots...

I have some other fantasies but they're more or less variations of these. Maybe next year, this year is to finish the mortgage and "be free" afterwards.

Oh, I also have one where I'm paid for a blowjob, but it's pretty common.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago

I really dislike the idea of paying for sex myself. I don't think I'd ever do it, but I guess I can't be sure.

For really all of your scenarios, experienced kink participants could probably do it for you just as safely. Remember what I said about the communication? Yeah, I think the DP one could easily happen that way. Guys who you've met/dated a little, and already slept with, they'd be willing to help you fulfill your fantasies, and willing to stop the moment you say to, because they already care about you. And know they'll get more later😉 Or, at least I would, were I in that position.

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La Brunette 7mo ago

Leaving my scenarios on the side, I romanticize the idea of one paying the other. It's power exchange.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago

And I don't know much about the BDSM club, ask me again in mid to late July.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago 💬 1

Oh, duh, now I get the 38 or more comment. Yeah, she's over 30. And the club apparently cards (looks at ID cards) pretty heavily. She's really just a friend, though I did meet her through WYP.

I don't know how active it is where you are, but there's a dating app called Feeld that is all about kink, BDSM, that sort of thing. I've had absolutely zero luck on there, but I'm an average looking older dude, so I wouldn't be surprised if you could set up a scene of the sort you often talk about on here via that app.

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La Brunette 7mo ago

The sex scenery is legal and vast in here, but everything is filmed, and I'm not ok with this. I tried a website at some point but it felt like it was more for lonely people to brag. Tinder used to be somehow nice but everyone felt fake. I had more fun recently in Italy in a lesbian bar. It was a one-time thing but I went all in. Black biker boots, black tight leather pants, black crop top, black eyeliner, and so on. I wanted to let them see every muscle that I worked on all these years and to impose "who's the boss" from the moment I stepped in. Sexually, it wasn't a big deal, but I had a lot of fun slapping a chick while her girlfriend was watching. Also, some hair pulling, choking, etc. I want to go harder on a different occasion, to test a few limits.

Anyway, it wasn't a proper BDSM experience, at least how I imagine it.

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An Obvious Alt 7mo ago

Yeah, I have no experience, except a little impact play and violet wand play a few years ago. I'm interested in exploring, but I also don't really feel the need to, if I find someone to be with who isn't interested in it.