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HODL

My father used to tell me that “90% of life is just showing up”.

Then he died and I couldn’t remember anything positive about our relationship.

No memories, no shared experiences, no profound moments. Nothing bonded over or enjoyed. Nothing.

It turns out that last 10% is everything.

That last 10% is life itself.

Do more than just show up and go through the motions today.

Jeff 2y ago

That’s harsh. If he turned up for 90% of the time then it shows a consistency which, while it may not give you the warm and fuzzies, shows something deeper than just turning up occasionally with some flashy toy. Cut him a bit of slack - if he held true to his 90% maxim then you had a good dad

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Discussion

HODL 2y ago

I don’t hate him or anything, but we didn’t have a bond or a relationship. Everything was about appearances. If he showed up somewhere it wasn’t because of me, it was because it was expected of him. There are a lot of people like this. Hiding behind a shield of respectability. You find them often in medicine, law etc… It’s a bullshit way to go through life.

ben 2y ago

speaking from personal experience, many men do not learn emotional intelligence.

twentyone 2y ago

I agree with you. It IS a bullshit way to go through of life. Society tries to tell us that family is everything. It’s expected of us to overlook faults, mistakes or even abuse because “you only have on mother or father”. The problem is no one has ever walked in your shoes. It’s unfair to judge a child when you have no idea what they have been through. Love should be unconditional from a parent but many times it is not. And respect is something that is earned and not automatic.

HODL 2y ago

My parents are dead you know? So I’m not exactly hurting anyone by saying the truth. I showed respect when they were alive. A bit weird when people jump in to defend a ghost. Obviously I wanted a good relationship with my father and desperately tried to make one happen for 25 years. Ultimately though It wasn’t up to me.

Jeff 2y ago

Yeah man, obviously you know better as it was your dad. Sorry to hear you didn’t have the best relationship and hopefully it doesn’t gnaw at you. I was sticking up for the kind of dad that turns up all the time but the kid never realises the sacrifices that were made for him and how much he was loved (the dad being too old school to tell him!). I’m not sure if you have kids yet but since I had mine I discovered a new found respect for my folks and how hard it must have been for them. Peace brother

HODL 2y ago

As a father myself I recognize the reality that my children will grade me and it will be pass/fail. We don’t control that. All we can do is do our best, I have faith our graders will be fair.

Dimi 2y ago

That grade isn’t static, nor is it one dimensional.