My father used to tell me that “90% of life is just showing up”.
Then he died and I couldn’t remember anything positive about our relationship.
No memories, no shared experiences, no profound moments. Nothing bonded over or enjoyed. Nothing.
It turns out that last 10% is everything.
That last 10% is life itself.
Do more than just show up and go through the motions today.
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I think he was right strictly from a work standpoint. Show up early and eager to work and you will do fine. That does not apply to love/relationships.
I tell my little ones there are only two things in the world that are not scams. Real Love and bitcoin. Everything else is an exchange where you hope to get what you want.
My feeling is that the obligatory stuff is obligatory in all realms of life and you shouldn’t pat yourself on the back for doing the minimum.
đź’śđź«‚
I believe it was the mindset of their generation
Was it strictly work related advice? Showing up can also mean being there for your loved ones
For him. It was sort of a life motto.
That’s harsh. If he turned up for 90% of the time then it shows a consistency which, while it may not give you the warm and fuzzies, shows something deeper than just turning up occasionally with some flashy toy. Cut him a bit of slack - if he held true to his 90% maxim then you had a good dad
I don’t hate him or anything, but we didn’t have a bond or a relationship. Everything was about appearances. If he showed up somewhere it wasn’t because of me, it was because it was expected of him. There are a lot of people like this. Hiding behind a shield of respectability. You find them often in medicine, law etc… It’s a bullshit way to go through life.
speaking from personal experience, many men do not learn emotional intelligence.
I agree with you. It IS a bullshit way to go through of life. Society tries to tell us that family is everything. It’s expected of us to overlook faults, mistakes or even abuse because “you only have on mother or father”. The problem is no one has ever walked in your shoes. It’s unfair to judge a child when you have no idea what they have been through. Love should be unconditional from a parent but many times it is not. And respect is something that is earned and not automatic.
My parents are dead you know? So I’m not exactly hurting anyone by saying the truth. I showed respect when they were alive. A bit weird when people jump in to defend a ghost. Obviously I wanted a good relationship with my father and desperately tried to make one happen for 25 years. Ultimately though It wasn’t up to me.
Yeah man, obviously you know better as it was your dad. Sorry to hear you didn’t have the best relationship and hopefully it doesn’t gnaw at you. I was sticking up for the kind of dad that turns up all the time but the kid never realises the sacrifices that were made for him and how much he was loved (the dad being too old school to tell him!). I’m not sure if you have kids yet but since I had mine I discovered a new found respect for my folks and how hard it must have been for them. Peace brother
Your father's words seem to be all (or perhaps 90%) about quantity, at the expense of quality. It's a fiat mentality that has been drilled in pretty much all of us in these modern times. It sucks the life and substance out of everything (even toasters 👇), and makes life all about tasks, not tastes.
On the margins, great insight. ✌️
He may have gave you a gift.
Damn. This was powerful. Thank you.
It deserves to be shared. It was a hard won lesson on my end.
Best thing I read today, thanks for sharing.
based. Hopefully that lesson bears fruit and you can be a better dad to your kids.....
Okay, that caught me off guard, deep moment.
Fathers and sons. Like most men I'm caught somewhere between Cat Stevens, Mike and the Mechanics, and Harry Chapin.
