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Yesterday I had a bit of a revelation during meditation. A thought I've often had drifted by, an angry thought about an old slight.

"Why am I thinking about that still?" I wondered, "That's boring old stale news and I'm not even angry at it really anymore."

And I received an answer. Angry is the only energy that gets me activated and doing stuff. The other productive energy motivation would be inspiration towards love or creativity. However, it has happened enough times that when I followed that energy I got shut down by the people around me. I can think of dozens of examples of cleaning or cooking or caretaking etc. that I did out of love, wanting to create a good or at least better atmosphere for myself and the people I cared for, only to have it met with ridicule or rejection.

When that type of shut down happens often enough it like, paralyzes that love productivity energy. I feel sad because it used to be often that I would get the urge to do something nice, and I cannot even identify when it pivoted to 'why bother'.

Anger and spite are fantastic motivators and have really helped me excel on my life journey, I think I could have gotten very depressed and stagnant but anger wouldn't let me. I'm glad for that, but I look forward to letting that energy retire a bit. I want to see what life becomes when the stuff I do is motivated by love and beauty for love and beauty's sake 💖

#meditation #philosophy #anger #productivity #doshit #psychonaut

https://youtu.be/ejRal5xFWA4

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Discussion

Leviticus Mathew 5mo ago

Joy and rage are the only two worthwhile emotions. Sadness is a waste of time, and energy, and only leads to more and more victim mentalities. If you're not happy, you should be mad enough about that to get some shit done, so that you can get back to a space of peace to feel joy again.

Kip Ashlynn 5mo ago

I love that you've broken it down into joy/rage. I think that's very true. It's been pointed out to me how my personality seems to be like, killer/sunshine. And it makes sense in this framework exactly. What else would I do? Be sad and lay down in defeat? Pfft!

Imma be happy and joyful and if you get in the way of that you're gonna get what's coming to you 😅

Comte de Sats Germain 5mo ago

I can relate. There was a moment where I lost my anger, and I've never had the same level of drive since. And doing nice things for people - I mostly just try to keep to myself now. But there's a hack : people don't shut you down (or they do it less) if you do the nice things as part of a structure, where its known that that's what you're supposed to be doing. That might mean that people are really reacting to your initiative, or a feeling of inadequacy from lacking initiative themselves. But regardless, the structure is a shield.

Kip Ashlynn 5mo ago

This is a deeply interesting perspective shift for me. When you say part of a structure, you mean like doing volunteering or something? Thanks for the wisdom!