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Jonk
595ca8eaace5899cb6ab7e2542bfc972136376f2eabc09287f1857eb8f167e53
Jesus lover, Father, Bitcoiner, home miner, Graphene user, music lover. Working on leveling up as a Bitcoiner.

Odell was just saying in the last rip with Marty optimistically we could shoot for 5% of the population opting out of the panopticon, which seemed fair.

I listened to your last rip with Marty. I loved the usual clear-eyed bullshit rejecting.

Comfort, fear of success, fear of the truth.

Life isn't always this clear-cut. Sometimes there are other family members involved that need to be accounted for. Regardless of the situation never feel sorry for yourself and write down and learn the parasitic patterns and rehearse them prior to engagements.

Replying to Avatar corndalorian

I have a new innovation, add another strap so it sits evenly on the back!

The world might be soon hitting the fever pitch of this crisis era, but at it's outset it a flame was lit that started a new tribe of renewal. We are all nurturing this fire and dancing around it in our own ways.

There is true diversity here and I am blessed to be part of this new global tribe.

Replying to 2b638c34...

Hey, Nostr…

This is an #introductions post, but it’s not my first npub.

I’ve become quite close with many of you over the course of 2023. I consider a number of you to be real friends.

But I haven’t found the courage to open up some of the personal struggles I’m facing. Partly out of shame, partly out of the fear of validating my failings by putting them in writing.

But what I do know is the love and support and kindness that exists among this crew, and I’m feeling like I could really stand to lean on that energy a bit right now. I’m hopeful that, even through this anon account, there’s room for friendship, freely given.

I’ve struggled with a range of compulsive/risky/addictive behaviors for a long time, but it’s gotten harder lately. It’s the devil I’ve danced with since my teenage years, and it’s been especially difficult lately to align my active behavior with my heart, intuition, and personal goals.

I believe I “trained” my neural pathways to lean on various dopamine/reward pathways in times of stress during my adolescent development - or, to be honest, from a much younger age - and these mental habits have become deeply ingrained.

It’s not one specific “addiction” the way that people often struggle with, but my tendency to fall into patterns of substance abuse and other ego-inflating activities goes through cycles, which I’m just beginning to understand come from very deep, old parts of myself, and it feels like things have been escalating farther outside of a level of baseline acceptability lately.

I can point to various moments of trauma or conditioning that led me to try to self-soothe in these ways, and I’ve developed compassion for the parts of myself that are “trying to help” even in self-destructive ways.

But I’ve had a harder time with everything lately than I have in a long time. I don’t feel able to share this with my partner, but I am recognizing that it may be too much to handle on my own. Because I’ve tried for years. Self-imposed rules aren’t enough, because they don’t heal the broken parts. And I’m afraid that I’m risking the things I hold most dear, including my loved ones and my own self-worth and self-respect, if I don’t find a way through this.

I know some of you have faced things like addiction, trauma, loss, and personal failures. And I’ve seen the beautiful people that you are. I know and recognize that beauty in myself too, but I’m continually undermining my own happiness and fulfillment. I’m learning to pray again, to turn inward and connect with myself. But I’m also deeply stuck enough that I keep ending up in those patterns that hurt my heart and betray my soul.

I don’t even know if anyone will see this. If the default relays on this client have wide reach. If my VPN is effective or if I’ll dox my identity here.

But man… I sure could use a few kind words, advice, or encouragement from others who have been in a similar place before. If you’ve read this far, I already deeply appreciate you. You’re probably one of the friends I’ve made this last year 🫂

Accept your current patterns. Don't set hard rules. Focus on building slightly but sustainable better patterns and habits.

Realize that you are blessed in many ways and spend the awkward time every morning counting a few blessings that you normally take for granted. Things like I have 2 legs that work, I don't have cancer or any of 10 other debilitating conditions. I have high intelligence and awareness. These are are blessings that not everyone has.

Also throughout the day focus on awareness of negative thoughts that trigger your addictive behaviors. SLOWLY try to build a habit of reconditioning those thoughts by building a practice of identifying them and pairing/replacing them with a more constructive thought.

Finally, expect yourself to fail and fall often. Plan a mental strategy that is constructive ahead of time for when this happens.

"We chase misprinted lies."

Layne Staley might have been killed himself with drugs, but he was a based genius before that.

Makes all the troubles of the world shrink.