And how do you determine which relays are trusted?

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By knowing who's operating them, and evaluating if you trust the operator. If you don't know the operator it's probably not trustworthy.

I don’t really know any operator of any relay. The top relay operators are literally attacking each other now 😂

You can also run your own relay for writes and negentropy sync it, so you only need to connect to it for reads as well 😛, that would be almost perfect privacy.

I tried running my own private relay but it required tor and it didn’t work very well with iPhone

Ahh you don't really need Tor, Tor just enables you to be able to access it from anywhere , it can also be done with a VPS like tailscale. But if you're only using it on your home network, you really need nothing at all, you can just connect to your relays IP.

I think I did use tail scale with it for a while but I prefer my VPN. Idk maybe I’ll try to do it again because it’s been a while and it’s important.