What's your favorite joke?
Discussion
time is never change.
Fiat
Fiat is sound money
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out of the knickers.
😂👌
Treffen sich zwei Jäger. Beide Tot.
Why don't you ever see any wheelchair bound gay people???
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time lol.
When someone tells You: 'He who laughs last....', complete his sentence with: '...is slow in understanding!'
"your vote matters"
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We’re closed.
Modern society
https://factrepublic.com/facts/27537
When John F. Kennedy met Joseph Luns, the former Dutch Minister of Foreign Affairs, Kennedy asked for his hobbies and he answered: "I fok horses", Kennedy, struck with surprise responded: "Pardon?", Luns replied: "Yes, paarden!". 'Fokken' means 'to breed', and 'horses' means 'paarden' in Dutch
So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama
Recently, I had bird flu. But it’s all relevant isn’t it? If I had rabies and you offered me bird flu, I’d bite your hand off!
the US government
My last two, I promise:
When I was in America, I really got into the culture. I went into the shop and the guy said ‘Have a nice day’ and I didn’t. So I sued him.
OR
Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do; he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment. Probably turning in his grave.
Canada is a free country.
Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.
zap train is coming...
When Satoshi Nakamoto invented Bitcoin he discovered that he already had two pending incoming transactions from Chuck Norris 🤙
Friend of mine has his vasectomy reversed a couple of years ago, doesn't appear to have made a vas deferens.
If I'd had to pick one at the moment, this one would probably be it:
Another good one from Norm
Going for this one:
Oh god, no the famous 7-minute dirty johnny joke 😆
Media
There was once a small village called Trid. One day, a terrible giant came down from the mountains, and started kicking the villagers as hard has he could, as he stomped around the valley. No one could tell whether the giant was doing this out of anger or for fun, but they knew it needed to stop before the giant killed everyone in the town.
The citizens of Trid quickly sent word to a wise rabbi in a nearby city, and begged him to help them with the giant. The good rabbi thought for a moment, and came up with a plan: he would sacrifice himself to the giant, in order to spare the people of Trid.
The rabbi immediately traveled to Trid, and to the top of a nearby hill with a sheer cliff on the far side, and called loudly for the giant. Before long, the ground shook, and the giant came into view. The height of the hill brought the rabbi to the same height as the giant, and they met eye-to-eye as the giant approached the cliff.
"Please, good sir giant," the rabbi immediately began pleading before the giant could say anything. "Please do not kick the humble citizens of Trid anymore! But if you must kick anyone, kick me instead. Kick me across this valley until long after I die from it, if you must, but please do not harm the people of this small village!"
The giant considered him for a moment, chuckled to himself, and said, "Silly rabbi. Kicks are for Trids!"
Democracy
One of my favorite stand up skits
I don’t know.
But I do know that jokes about german sausages is the wurst🥁
Woman gets in a horrible accident, rushed to the hospital. Husband gets the call, hurries to meet her. Arrives, asks the doctor “how’s my wife?” Doctor says, “it’s not good. She has brain damage, can’t talk, can’t walk, will need to poop into a bag, requires round-the-clock care for the rest of her life, and your insurance covers none of it.” Man falls to his knees sobbing. Doctor says, “I’m just fucking with you, she’s dead!”
Oof 😅
Also, “no matter how nice your children are, German children will always be kinder.”
Few 😂
"Bend over, fairy. A wish is a wish!"
I asked my anti-coiner friend how he likes using his CBDC, he said he can't complain.
See what you did there 👍🏼
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex.
One makes your day the other makes your hole weak.
Someone was eating peanuts, his wife said: can I have one? He gave her one peanut, she said: only one? He says: They all taste the same.
Guy applying for a job asked the employer about the salary. Empolyer says: 3000 at the beginning and 5000 two years after. He say: alright then, I'll come back in two years.
Stingy guy buys a new phone, puts it in his back pocket. He then sits forgetting about the phone, hears a crack, says: I hope that was my spine.