Nothing that needs the slide to be racked, so it must be a revolver.
9mm Revolver that feels good in your hand & you shoot well with it.
Discussion
Preferably a revolver that is dual action where just pulling the trigger once cocks the hammer, so you can't just pulling if need be no wasted motion.
The problem with semi automatic pistols is the gun has to be cocked by racking the slide - in moments of stress this isn't good for a woman who has less grip strength than a man by a lot.
The only sacrifice is the number of rounds.
I would try this, but 9mm is not a must can go lighter.
9mm is intriguing just to be able to accumulate ammo for all my weapons including my wife's.
They make models that have a decocker and a da/sa, with 15+ rounds, ie most beretta m9’s
uh...I just leave it loaded, and in moments of stress simply pull the trigger
OR JUST HAVE A MODERN PISTOL WITH A ROUND CHAMBERED AND BE TRAINED ENOUGH TO NOT ND YOUR OWN LEG OR CROTCH. BECAUSE BAD GUYS ARE ALMOST CERTAINLY GOING TO OUTGUN THE AVERAGE SMOKE WAGON ENJOYOOR.
I went this route w a Charter Arms Pitbull 9mm. tho I think for dedicated home defense a shotgun is where it's at