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Has anyone gotten passed this stage of a relationship?
https://video.nostr.build/da9d24cce2a1b96998598fdf0d3be8259bb6a764aa2f4c1e1b104d8088c54864.mp4
Discussion
What do you think helped you get to that stage?
Hard to say honestly. I think we just have a lot of plans and also work to make things fun. I try to think a lot about being the one that brings fun to the table. Itâs not that hard to turn mundane things into funny things with just the tiniest bit of play thrown in.
I think there is a major element too of not letting your partnerâs anxiousness or frustration become the source of your emotional state. Donât mirror them. Turn it around.
Example: my wife had to go to the DMV the other day, and she is not only an introvert, but hates the govt and stupid processes with a passion, so she was NOT happy. And I just kept laughing in a âpicking on youâ way that she had to go stand with a bunch of strangers to wait in line for the opportunity to deal with the govt, and she couldnât resist. She ended up giggling at my amusement before going to get in line.
Donât agree for the sake of agreement, poke fun, disagree about which movies and songs are good, be honest and donât be insecure.
Disagreement is the lowest cost way to have fun if done playfully. She likes the purple drink? Of course you do, purple is the dumbest drink theyâve got. And just never stop I guess. đ¤ˇđťââď¸
I donât know, thatâs just part of how I think about it. Might just all depend on the person youâre with, but I just think finding ways to make mundane things fun is a major part of it, or everything will just stay mundane. And most of life is if you donât bring a little spice with you đ
I listened to a psychologist say that the ârelationships are hard work argumentâ is dumb. Life is already hard and relationships should make your life easier. He argues that couples should try and have fun with each other as much as possible. You laughing at your wife playfully makes her life easier. It makes the terrible things, like dealing with the government, more tolerable. But I think the other part of it is that youâre a genuinely happy person. Itâs hard to laugh when youâre numb or depressed. So youâve found things to be hopeful about and you choose to laugh instead.
This is spot on.
Youâve got to find the subtle ways to poke fun at your missus and also, to cop it when she gives it back.
This though, is king-level reframing. Putting her in a frame that is better for her and you even with other people than you.
She doesnât want to be miserable; she will absolutely take your reframing and play your game rather than sit there and brew in other peopleâs shit as a preferable option and if you can make something shitty like going to the DMV, less shitty for her, sheâs going to love you. Hard.
Blokes think they have to wear an entire period and solve her every problem, every time. No.
Just get her in a new frame. One you control. Sheâs comfortable there. She will pick that over the unknown. She will look to you for the lowest level of reassurance which will cost you nothing. She would rather play your dumb game any day than just deal with bureaucracy, you just have to give it to her.
We do this with children all the time but noticing the same thing works on women is apparently bad. Itâs not. Itâs how you have a healthy relationship - she would rather you be in charge than some fucking bureaucrat, and sheâll do the work in her own mind to make that so even if youâre not.
Reframing it in a fun way works for me too lol thatâs what your best friend does. He makes a joke out of your misery and then you laugh about it together.
Yes for guys this is an easy thing to do with other guys. With women, the protection instinct kicks in and they act like they have to solve her problems.
But you canât solve all her problems.
She has to go to the DMV. Itâs gonna suck for her. She knows that, you know that, but you canât solve that.
But you can make it less shitty for her. Thatâs what you can solve and she will be super happy with just that, as small as it seems, if you can make her shit seem less shitty, thatâs the kind of partnership women value.
Youâre going to wear shit just for her; women prefer when everyone is covered in it, and not just her. No-one else cares if youâre covered in shit so just take your lumps, this one is worth it!
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Tell me haha
Honestly just seeing your SO for whose she is and embracing it 100. You feel in love with her for a reason.
Like Guy said making them laugh goes a long way to keeping your relationship alive and fun. Donât take life too seriously we are only here for a short amount of time, have fun with the person you choose to be with. If you can keep that in mind the rest is easy.
Took me about 15 years to figure this life lesson out but I can tell you Iâve never been happier. If she makes you happy put in the effort my friend! It worth it!