Has anyone gotten passed this stage of a relationship?
https://video.nostr.build/da9d24cce2a1b96998598fdf0d3be8259bb6a764aa2f4c1e1b104d8088c54864.mp4
Discussion
I have someone like that.
Like a partner? How did you get there?
Time
It takes 10 years just to get to know someone.
Trying to understand what gets people to stay those 10 years instead of leaving when it feels boring and there’s nothing to talk about
Understanding.
Having someone you like and that understands you is a rare and beautiful thing.
Yeah. That.
it doesn't mean the relationship is going to look like you want though.
and TBH
i screwed it up looking for something new and exciting too. it took a few years before I realized my mistake.
(some) grandparents for the win on this one.
Do you think it was by choice or necessity?
Definitely, yes, 100% of that. But in my case, my aged grandparents found humor and that transcended their previous difficulties.
And both choice and necessity are simply a reality in long relationships. It’s one of the things that one selects for in a partner, can I rely on my wife in a moment of urgent necessity? My advice from experience—for which I bear the scars: if you fuck up badly before you get married, swallow your pride and find out. It sucks but it’s super important information.
oh yeah, and can you do the same in reverse? also important information ofc ; )
I’m way passed that 😂🫂
How did you do it? 🧐
It’s a knowing thing. Knowing that even though it’s not always easy, there isn’t someone better out there.
How old were you two when you got married?
Hmm not good at math nor remembering our anniversary, but we’ve been living together for 7 years (could be a bit more). I’ve also known him since I was 7 😂
Okay well I don’t remember any girls from when I was 7 😂
I don’t remember her when she was 7 😝
That’s because youre an idiot
Translation: "you're an idiot" means "you made me feel bad by ignoring me back then"
True
That's very cool. It's the only way to go
This ☝️. Just because you argue doesn't mean you don't like each other. You weather the storms with each other until you fit together even better, lust cools and love takes over.
See? Told you I was right. Plus she’s been married FOREVERRRR so she would know 😂
I agree with you lol it’s just hard because this “knowing” is distorted by social media and dating apps. People think there are so many more options out there but it’s usually not true.
Pop culture in general. These poor young women were brainwashed into thinking their love life will be like a Romcom and any perceived flaw is a “red flag”.
It’s depressing because I feel like they waste their youth searching for things that aren’t real
Pretty much
I blame romcoms and Disney in general. Disney is the worst though. Brainwashing them young with all that princess shit
I also blame all the dads who actually did treat their daughters like princesses and now they’re all pissed off they can’t find a man like their dad
This 🎯
It’s not bad to treat your daughter like a princess but don’t take it too far.
Yeah that Disney shit didn’t help. I really think it’s social media and dating apps. When a beautiful woman opens her Instagram, she is flooded with DMs of men trying to get with her. When you have that many options, you can’t help but raise your standards to unrealistic levels. Why stick around when things are hard if you have all these equally attractive options in your DMs that seem more fun?
I’d be a hypocrite if I said I wouldn’t be picky if I was a famous celebrity with flooded DMs full of beautiful women.
News flash! Pretty Woman is not based on a true story. But, all jokes aside, pop culture has played a huge role in declining birth rates. Very disappoonting to see.
👵 gramma yarnlady doling out marriage tips and relationship goals at your service 🤣🤣.
Nah, it's easy...find a friend you like to hang out with and lock that shit down. Do things together and talk.
It’s possible to be in a long term relationship and have more to talk about after years than others have to talk about when they first meet. If you’re looking for that kind of connection to be happy, keep looking until you find it. If you don’t, you’ll have a lot of interesting conversations getting there
Lol yes. Reality is harsh, but worth it
🙋🏻♂️
What do you think helped you get to that stage?
Hard to say honestly. I think we just have a lot of plans and also work to make things fun. I try to think a lot about being the one that brings fun to the table. It’s not that hard to turn mundane things into funny things with just the tiniest bit of play thrown in.
I think there is a major element too of not letting your partner’s anxiousness or frustration become the source of your emotional state. Don’t mirror them. Turn it around.
Example: my wife had to go to the DMV the other day, and she is not only an introvert, but hates the govt and stupid processes with a passion, so she was NOT happy. And I just kept laughing in a “picking on you” way that she had to go stand with a bunch of strangers to wait in line for the opportunity to deal with the govt, and she couldn’t resist. She ended up giggling at my amusement before going to get in line.
Don’t agree for the sake of agreement, poke fun, disagree about which movies and songs are good, be honest and don’t be insecure.
Disagreement is the lowest cost way to have fun if done playfully. She likes the purple drink? Of course you do, purple is the dumbest drink they’ve got. And just never stop I guess. 🤷🏻♂️
I don’t know, that’s just part of how I think about it. Might just all depend on the person you’re with, but I just think finding ways to make mundane things fun is a major part of it, or everything will just stay mundane. And most of life is if you don’t bring a little spice with you 😆
I listened to a psychologist say that the “relationships are hard work argument” is dumb. Life is already hard and relationships should make your life easier. He argues that couples should try and have fun with each other as much as possible. You laughing at your wife playfully makes her life easier. It makes the terrible things, like dealing with the government, more tolerable. But I think the other part of it is that you’re a genuinely happy person. It’s hard to laugh when you’re numb or depressed. So you’ve found things to be hopeful about and you choose to laugh instead.
This is spot on.
You’ve got to find the subtle ways to poke fun at your missus and also, to cop it when she gives it back.
This though, is king-level reframing. Putting her in a frame that is better for her and you even with other people than you.
She doesn’t want to be miserable; she will absolutely take your reframing and play your game rather than sit there and brew in other people’s shit as a preferable option and if you can make something shitty like going to the DMV, less shitty for her, she’s going to love you. Hard.
Blokes think they have to wear an entire period and solve her every problem, every time. No.
Just get her in a new frame. One you control. She’s comfortable there. She will pick that over the unknown. She will look to you for the lowest level of reassurance which will cost you nothing. She would rather play your dumb game any day than just deal with bureaucracy, you just have to give it to her.
We do this with children all the time but noticing the same thing works on women is apparently bad. It’s not. It’s how you have a healthy relationship - she would rather you be in charge than some fucking bureaucrat, and she’ll do the work in her own mind to make that so even if you’re not.
Reframing it in a fun way works for me too lol that’s what your best friend does. He makes a joke out of your misery and then you laugh about it together.
Yes for guys this is an easy thing to do with other guys. With women, the protection instinct kicks in and they act like they have to solve her problems.
But you can’t solve all her problems.
She has to go to the DMV. It’s gonna suck for her. She knows that, you know that, but you can’t solve that.
But you can make it less shitty for her. That’s what you can solve and she will be super happy with just that, as small as it seems, if you can make her shit seem less shitty, that’s the kind of partnership women value.
You’re going to wear shit just for her; women prefer when everyone is covered in it, and not just her. No-one else cares if you’re covered in shit so just take your lumps, this one is worth it!
🙋
Tell me haha
Honestly just seeing your SO for whose she is and embracing it 100. You feel in love with her for a reason.
Like Guy said making them laugh goes a long way to keeping your relationship alive and fun. Don’t take life too seriously we are only here for a short amount of time, have fun with the person you choose to be with. If you can keep that in mind the rest is easy.
Took me about 15 years to figure this life lesson out but I can tell you I’ve never been happier. If she makes you happy put in the effort my friend! It worth it!
Yep
How’d you do it?
To start off, I need to say that all couples reach that stage at differemt points in their relationship. I was married for 11 years, but my wife and I knew each other for about fourteen. Making it to that stage was a simple yet VERY difficult process for us, much of which was owed to her being able to tolerate and help in the rehabilitation of my mental state both during deployments and after being discharged. I guess you could say that I felt like I owed her, in a sense, but... I don't mean that in a toxic way. More like I felt like i had an obligation to her because of that. The thing is that no woman I knew prior would have stuck around and dealt with all that bullshit, so I just knew that I would never find anyone better. Then parenthood took priority, so all we could really do was look for new and exciting things to do during vacations and stuff. The thing is that boring times can be healthy for relationships. It makes vacations and other experoences that much more special. You have to keep the love alive. People can both fall in and out of love.
i find spicE/\/ uP helps reg. fO;.;Od*/****
How’d you spice things up?
imagination keeps IT changing my MAHDO;.;ODnostr:npub1ghcetnluhryhynhuyj8s2pazldjm27wl40nu6dfeskvpv09twcnsneygat
You sappy bastard
Don’t make fun of me just give me another haiku
