PTSD.
Some sick mf raped me in a shopping mall bathroom when I was 8 years old and ruined my life forever.
Discussion
That’s some brutal shit to carry friend. It just challenged my perspective quite a bit. I have some mild PTSD symptoms but nothing severe. Just some hyper vigilance and occasional periods where i struggle with nightmares.
How are you holding? Reach out if you ever need a friend man. ❤️
Thank you. It means a lot.
Right now im feeling tachycardia and probably the begginings of a panic attack just for touching the subject.
The rest of the time im always hyper vigilant, always a moment away from a fight or flight response. Every second of every minute of every day.
I very rarely manage to leave my house, cant get a job, have no friends, I kinda look good but have no girlfriend because I always end up pushing them away like I did to all the friends I ever had. Constant anxiety and panic attacks means constant palpitations and tachycardia which are hell for my heart so if I live to 50 I'll consider myself lucky to have at least lived thru the lives of my cats, who by the way are probably the reason why I haven't killed myself so far.
Finishing this comment crying like shit and definitely having a panic attack starting now but also happy for having managed to say this to someone. You have no idea how hard it is.
Gonna take something to calm down and go to bed now. Thanks for caring. GN 🫂
You have friends, are valued, and always have someone to reach out to. I’ll DM my SimpleX info too.
Do what you gotta do to survive. Thriving comes after living through the shit of it.
Be free to add me, if you don't mind
Saw your notes… I can’t imagine all that you have been through. It takes courage to share what you happened to you.
My DMs are open. Feel free to reach out anytime. 🫂🧡💜
GM guys. #[5] #[7]
Thanks for the heartfelt messages. 🫂
Even with 15+ years of therapy, talking about it openly like that fucks me up. Had a very hard time this night. Nightmares + sleep paralysis. Woke up screaming some times. Now it feels like I didnt sleep at all. I really wanna take some quetiapin and sleep thru the day but I'm actually gonna take a lot of coffee to stay up and watch out for my cats 'cause family woke up and set them loose. Dogs live nearby so I gotta stay vigilant until they all come back at the end of the day. This probably means migraines today 🫠🫠🫠 but theres medicine for that too so fuck it. The cats are more important.
Thank you so much for caring ❤️
Also thank you #[5] for that big zap. 5k is the highest I ever got here 🫂 it was not my intention at all to get zaps when I shared my trauma last night. It just felt like something I had to do. In the 22 years since it happened told less than 5 people about it. So I think last night was some kind of breakthrough for me. It was a really bad night but I think it was important, one step further towards healing.
Thank you again. ❤️🫂
That must be so hard to share.
Everyone around us carries around invisible pain that others never see. All we can do is keep going every day.
I’m glad you’re here. Don’t ever give up. 🫂💜
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I hope you Feel better 😊
Thanks for the zap man, thats huge for me. Biggest ever. Really, thank you. ❤️
Im feeling a bit better today. Still not 100% but thats okay, thats probably normal because it was the first time in my life I talked about it openly and somewhat publicly(even though im mostly anonymous here cuz nobody here knows me outside of nostr yet)
The only other people I ever told this were my ex girlfriends, therapists, mother and brother. Therapists dont really count so it was actually just 5 people in 22 years since it happened. So what happened last night was a big deal for me and your kind messages make me feel I did the right thing.
Still it was really fucking hard. Been years since I last cried this much.
Thank you for your kind words. From the bottom of my heart. ❤️
Shit now im crying again. What the fuck hahahah 😅
✝️💜