Replying to nobody

asking cos:

Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?

Can you colourise my life, I'm so sick of black and white?

Can you make it all a little less old?

I can do that

Oh I can do that

i can only speak from personal anecdote

obvi everyone is different

and can play in typology frames. as in: enfp people are not black and white thinker people. men can be enfps too. it is not exclusively a woman thing.

so with that nuance

in my personal anecdote

i am not the black and white thinker

he told me he was in real life over the

phone

i was the mutable one, the colorful one, the: idk i think it depends one

so that was a major difference between us
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nobody 3mo ago

an illustration of this was:

i was being my cavalier sagittarius self making up gentle philosophical things on the fly to test them out. playful things. not: word is law true stuff. just being me. i think most people would call that being kinda flirty in trust

i said, again, off the cuff whatever playful

i said: i would never have friends i wouldnt sleep with. as in: i do not have friends who are not attractive to me as in: what did i mean by attractive? the most expansive definition of that term possible. meeting a grandmother on the street and choosing to wait to walk across the road with her attractive. alignment attractive. good vibe to me attractive. what i term as hot. as in alive. as in for me. it is a way of orientating.

he said, to me, very simply and very annoyed sounding

he said: i would never sleep with my friends

as in again im sharing this as the difference to me between color thinking as distinct from black and white thinking

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nobody 3mo ago

what i did not mean, have never meant, and my entire life comportment verifies that: is that i walk around the world ranking people on if they are hot or not on the basis of if i would sleep with them or not

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nobody 3mo ago

that isnt me, has never been me, will never be me and no part of my behavior or ethos or whatever is like:

idk this may be a lie

it simply isnt me

so anyone who could assume or imagine it to be me?

is a stranger to me

in entirety

for someone to ever say: i know her. she is this way.

that person does not know me

and every single person in my actual real life can testify to that absolute fact

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nobody 3mo ago

never, if i really think about it, has an off the cuff flirty cavalier thing which ultimately distills down to what?

"my friends are good people to me i think you would like meeting them"

been so outrageously misinterpreted

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nobody 3mo ago

back to the song:

I know the territory, I've been around

It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down

Sooner or later you'll be screwing around

I won't do that

No, I won't do

----

"the sooner or later you'll be screwing around"

is not my accusation

so i am not the one saying that

so gently to everyone who is severely monogamous, which is fine

i am not severely monogamous

i do not experience jealousy like that

i am a very: everyone is self sovereign over their own precious body

another person's body is not my business

even someone i ~am~ sleeping with unless do to their poor judgement, lack of medical care, and respect for me, get ~me~ sick

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nobody 3mo ago

i do not care if that is such an L

as in, im sorry it is not popular to feel this way

i am sorry that comes across very heavy on some "not like other girls" inherently misogynist tip

i mean it

but i do get to be me and not some paragon of virtue

cos honestly? it is a deeper virtue to me that i am holding to

self sovereignty

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nobody 3mo ago

if i was married

and my husband cheated on me without letting me know

and then gave me hiv

i would be so pissed i would divorce him

if i was married

and my husband cheated on me without letting me know and then was like: baby i have the worst news in the world, i have hiv

i would not divorce him

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nobody 3mo ago

that's ~me~

dont be me or be me

like whatever i am not saying i am: "correct"

im saying that's where i am

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nobody 3mo ago

why am i sharing this?

because it is an intrinsic distinction to my lived experience of me

i carry it, i carry it in

once there was someone who insisted on buying me a plane ticket

i didnt know why

to me i was like: ive got it i dont want you to

he really insisted

i really insisted back

and i started to think this disagreement didnt bode well for us for the future

we never met up

he later told me he was sorry he was so insistent but he was that insistent because he did not want the cash i threw in for the plane ticket to compel me to sleep with him if something felt wrong when he shared what he only wanted to share in person