It's impossible to holt onto voluntarist ideals while raising children.
Assholes.
Discussion
lol accurate
"i believe in freedom"
- no, you can't jump on the furniture
- no, you can't go outside without pants on
- no, you can't eat snacks all day
- no, you can't splash water all over the floor
- no, you can't torment the animals
- no, you can't use that as a toy
- no, you can't plug those into the outlet
- no, you can't spit your drink at other people
- no, you can't pour it on the animals either
- no, you can't move the house plants around
no no no no no
We're past this, reaching "actually beating might help."
angry momma bear is scary.
Mostly tired. I don't deal well with hystery. Our 6yo reached a phase of tantrums "because his Lego piece fell down" and I'm done. One, two tries of approaching it calmly, but once he makes shit like this everybody's problem, I'm dreaming about a bucked of icy water.
been there...
i typically deal with the hysterics a bit better than Wifey, but there are just some days where i'm just over it lol
there's been one or two times where calm doesn't cut and we go somewhere private to vent it out together. >:3
We learned how to tap out each other from child-handling situations if we feel things are going south and our partner is running low on intellectual energy. But yeah, sometimes we get the feeling that a more old-school approach would be beneficial too. Β―β \β _β (β γβ )β _β /β Β―
same. it helps to have a partner who won't watch you struggle and prevents you from acting in frustration.
They are not individuals yet, they canβt self actualize. they have rights but are not whole individuals.
Parenting definitely makes us aware of our kneejerk authoritarian tendencies. Those same responses were probably used on us by parents, caretakers and govt..
Worth examining
I've examined plenty. Parenting needs solid authority, Neufeld would turn in his grave from statism applied on parenting as well as hippie "friends" of own kids. Some replies to some things stay the same and it's not wrong.
Yea I agree. Mainly Iβm saying itβs worth being mindful when we pull the force and coercion levers (think: βdo this, because I said soβ vibes)
We can be loving and respectful of our kids while maintaining firm boundaries and hard noβs ( no crawling out into the street, etc)
Explaining the why behind EVERYTHING has been the main tool Iβve used instead of trying to get quick compliance
You're obviously right. We moved past explaining too though. If the kid melts, the kid melts. My husband is strong for explaining since they were little, but just going like a mill for words is imho sometimes useless at least.
I learned from animals just to be close and shut up, it'll get past.
But also once I carried absolutely furious melted down screeching creature from the apartment to a car, then a quick chase around and in the car and 5 minutes later I had to drag him out, which wasn't easy, carry him to the pool - where he, once inside, calmly took a shower put on his swimwear and thoroughly enjoyed next hour. π€¦π»ββοΈ We had to, his brother was waiting there for us after his turn. Justπ€¦π»ββοΈπ€¦π»ββοΈπ€¦π»ββοΈ
Yep, with meltdowns we just hold them close, don't let them harm anyone and eventually get them to take some breaths. I've found having them blow out the 4 candles of my fingers, 1 by 1 let's them breathe and have little fun with it.
Main thing is bringing them in instead of pushing them away or making them "wrong"
The meltdowns have pretty much completely gone away for our older son, and he used to absolutely lose his mind (like we thought he might be possessed π)
Also making sure they have eaten some protein has gone a long way- if theyre fighting it generally cause they're hungry and have only eaten fruit