I started making a conscious effort to be nicer a few years ago and my life greatly improved.
My self talk used to be extremely negative because my parents spoke that way to me as a child.
I interrupted that pattern by treating myself the way I treat my children. With kindness, patience and understanding.
Ask yourself, if someone talked to your loved one the way you talk to yourself would you be ok with it?
If the answer is no it’s likely time to address it.
This hits on multiple levels here.
I used to think that this was just normal shit given my upbringing.
Ditto. It was very normal to me. Took a long time to realize it was an issue.
I used to be such a jerk to myself when I would misplace things then had this thought… would I talk to my nieces and nephews like that… no… then why do it to myself?
So I stopped. And if it creeps in I just picture little me and smile.
Game changer 🪞
I’m very nice to my kids, like I had to explain to them what a punishment even was when they were 5 lol 😂 they had never been yelled at or punished in their little lives and were mildly confused by the concept.
Then I realized that I was raising them this way while still being cruel to myself. Once I had that realization I started reparenting myself in the same way.
This is indeed a big deal.
One of (and still is) one of the most difficult daily tasks/habits to work through. Spent up until this past year completely unnoticed, and is one of the largest (if not the largest) self-moral reducers ever.
This is a very bullish post. Respect 🤙
This is good, thank you
I’ve also done this. One day it clicked. It’s been better since
Honestly, my kids helped me a ton on being a better person. They are a mirror. This has helped me project that outward towards others. Also, not wanting to be like my parents were to me lol
I was thinking about how to say goodbye to a really difficult client. First thought was, "Goodbye John, I hope I never see you again." Or "Goodbye John, I'll remember you in therapy." My wife's suggestion, and the one I'll use... "John, I really learned a lot from you on this project. Goodbye."
Great awareness. Breaking that cycle is massive. Longsuffering towards loved ones and self is a superpower.
parallel lives mannnnn.
Huge healing journey has started for you. One that may never end. Embrace the continuous nature of thus journey. There will be many others.
🙏⚡️
I did the exact same thing as you 🤙
It's easier for me to be nice IRL than on the internet
🫂🧡
"There is no bigger loser than me!"
"
Came to the same realization several years back. Similar 'origin story' as well. Angry, hateful negative family. Made me feel shitty about myself (and everything else).
Started 'getting over it' in my 40s. Wasted way too much time giving a shit what they said / thought, and frankly being pissy about it.
Really glad I changed before my grandkids got here. Life's way better being happy...
I have something similar I tell people to do.
Stand in front of a mirror.
Say horrible things to yourself in your head, youre ugly, you're useless, bad etc, all the nasty self deprecating things you have in your head each day. Notice what that does to your face. That's what everyone sees when you talk to yourself like that! Now do the opposite, tell yourself you are a beautiful person, handsome, pretty, kind, cool, all the nice positive things you say to others. See the difference in your face! Now you've seen the difference between nice thoughts and bad you'll never say those horrible things to yourself ever again.
