Wife got back from the girls' coffee time. It kinda pumps me up when she describes how other girls complain about their partners, and my wife is (jokingly) bummed because she can't add to the conversation. It's at least a little selfish, but having her friends see me as a partner that goes above and beyond somewhat melts my heart and hardens my crotch.
Discussion
recognition for being a good boy is such a fulfilling feeling—a major source of pride~! :3
Very nice thoughts and words! I hope she knows what and how you feel.
each day, each moment is an opportunity to express my feelings through love—my surrender and devotion to Her. as a young man finding his way, i was uncertain, immature, and inconsistent, often taking these opportunities for granted or even ruining them.
now, i realize that my submission isn't something to be ashamed of—it's a part of who i am that makes me a better husband and father.
so yes, She knows it and feels it. not only from my words, but through my actions.
love is a verb. <333
Nicely said, actions speak volumes.
I am just a needy boy who would love my actions recognized as acts rooted in devotion, rather than being a good (whatever that means) husband/father, which they commonly are seen as by Her.
To be good means to be at least a decent human being. Most people are driven by an image that they have to maintain, being good is when you actually care about others, about what they feel and what they need.
my fren, it's important to recognize that, through your Wife's eyes, being a good husband and father *is* rooted in devotion. it very well may be the most wholesome and fulfilling way to serve Her.
it sounds like you want to be seen by Her as more than just a good husband and father, but as Her submissive. this is a very common feeling and something i struggled with for awhile.
Thanks for sharing that I am not alone with this cognitive dissonance.
I wouldn't say that being Her submissive is necessarily more than being a good husband and father; I think they are somewhat different qualities.
I know she appreciates everything and is grateful that I behave how I behave. It's just that the side of me which fuels it the most isn't feeling it.
What helped you on your journey?
for me, it was a major shift in mindset. without going into too much detail, it was maybe three things:
1. separating the desire to be dominated from the desire to be submissive.
2. realizing that my need to be validated by Her stemmed from an insecurity and didn't serve Her—it was draining Her. i had to identify and own the ways i acted out and hurt Her.
3. understanding that for the FLR to remain an FLR i had to submit to Her vision of the relationship, not my own.
if you feel like the needs of your submissive side aren't being met, then an honest conversation is needed. i'm not familiar with the dynamics of your relationship, but i would start with some deep introspection about what your needs look like emotionally. from there, find a way to express these emotional needs from the heart. try not to approach it with your dick leading the way. lol. that's the most difficult part.
i've been on a similar journey, fren. please know that you're doing great work and that being a good husband and father is carrying you much further than you may realize—or maybe you do. either way, don't give up~!
Boys, I hope you know that your discussion is pure porn for women. Now I fantasize about having two extraordinary boys like you at least for a weekend, to see how it'd feel like. I guess I'm longing for some kind of boyfriends-experience. 💋💋
Well, I have long ago understand that if were i the "devil" threesome (fmm 😁) I would enjoy it only with another male sub ☺️
I can't even comprehend what I would feel. Four caring hands on my body that are there for my pleasure. I just wrote a few words, and I'm fully wet, and I have contracting spasms.
If you are good boys...
https://cdn.azzamo.net/2caa07b7c012808743cffa2ac617edc6678829c434a94eeded8231fb0353fcf9.mp4
Thinking about scene where Goddess would instantiate a rule we can enter her in any hole, but always in pair, be it fingers, dicks, to tongues... I am thinking a lot about Fmm lately it seems 😳 May be that's the problem, I think too much.
I don't know if I can take a double anal, but I can leave it to my boys to train my ass for this. But I would love to have my first double vaginal with two real cocks from two subs. Thinking about it, I can try pretty much everything with two subs, I can't imagine who can be more careful with my body. Oh, my dear boys, you have no idea what waves you're making in my mind and my body!
Thanks for the support, I quite appreciate it 😀
The separation is an interesting concept. I always thought of them as inseparable intertwined things, but it's true that I kind of separate that when trying to satisfy my needs sort of out-of-band with writing/pornhub/xtoys etc.
As for the draining part, I am painfully aware of that. Often her thinking of being "not good enough wife" worsens her mood, but rarely is it the main trigger. But the situation is not due to FLR/bdsm dynamic but more generally about intimacy. Which is something we are trying to address, but it's a long process and we're able to take few attempts here and there to do anything systematic. It feels more reactive "resolving" than proactive, but that's another story.
Submitting to Her (FLR) vision would be nice, but I seem to have an essential problem similar to the falling tree. If there is no one that would hear the fall, would it still make a sound? - if she has a vision that she aims for, but without regard to the founding stones rooted in her taking the reins, is it still FLR?
Like one of the things she really appreciates is having home tidy and clean. Especially the kitchen which is part of the open greater living area together with dining and living room. I try to keep it up, but often there is simply not enough energy/motivation, and I know that if it were mandated by her, I would have both motivation and energy to do that, since it would tap into almost limitless sub power. So while I know that it makes her happy, it costs me energy that could be spent in another way, leaving less energy for other things. That frustrates me, because I want to fulfill her "vision", but while ends can be sometimes compatible, means are not 😟
Having a conversation about this is always possible, but I think she knows how I sometimes feel and that makes her even more sad, so I usually try to steer clear of putting it in hard cold facts and just to savor little moments I can get here and there. I think I can still count myself lucky, with how open our communication is. It's just me being afraid of hurting her that keeps me just dropping occasional reminders rather than repeating everything again and again.
Wow, almost a long note 😅 Thanks again for listening to this therapeutic rant of mine.
"My thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved. I can only live wholly with you, or not at all."
(From Beethoven's letter for an unknown lady.)
apologies for the delayed response—i wanted to take the time to respond properly. i'm honored that you would share what you have with me, fren. thank you.
there is sooooo much here, and a lot of what you've expressed resonates with me, so i will do my best to explain my mindset and how i've navigated some of these challenges. feel free to accept whatever is relevant to you, or reject what does not.
to me, if your wife feels "not good enough," then maybe she feels the burden of expectations upon her—either consciously or unconsciously. perhaps she feels that she can't satisfy you..? or stepping into a role she feels doesn't suit her..?
this is why it's important to separate the desire to be submissive from the desire to be dominated, even though the two desires *are* intertwined. think of being submissive as being what you give and being dominated as what you want to receive. if you're truly submissive, then pleasing and supporting your wife should bring about a sense of fulfillment—*this* is the energy to tap into.
if you feel stuck in a rut in which you don't feel motivated to submit because she's not dominant, and she won't "pick up the reins" because she feels she isn't good enough—then the relationship won't go anywhere. you're in a situation where you have to pick up the reins. and this is done through *active* submission.
Feminine leadership thrives off of active submission. she needs to know that your submission—your love—is unwavering and ever-present. that it doesn't depend on if she is "dominant" in the moment. because she will be ill, or or stressed, or busy with kids, relatives, etc, and the presence of your submission may be the difference between her feeling supported or her feeling lonely and isolated during hard times. this consistency is critical in the relationship.
so when it's time to clean the kitchen, you prioritize it *because* it makes her happy. don't wait for her to "motivate" you. muster and sacrifice the energy to show her that she and her happiness are your highest priorities. when your focus, motivation, and intention is simply her happiness, she will *feel* it through your actions. this energy will breakthrough and cause a shift. the intention is the most important thing because it can't be faked.
this was the harshest lesson for me when we weren't able to maintain the kink in our FLR. sure, i miss doing chores in my collar, it was highly motivating, fun, and created a sense of validation and belonging, but it's just not possible now.
i then withdrew my submission because i didn't feel motivated. i hurt Her. my actions told Her that my love was not unconditional. i broke the dynamic; i broke my vow and the emotional trust between us. i had to acknowledge that i hurt Her, atone for it, and repair the damage. i let my fantasies take precedence over the real Woman in front of me—i had to learn to serve the real Woman in front of me, not my fantasies.
this was a very painful, but powerful realization for me. taking this approach and letting go felt like taking a leap of faith—but that's what submission is in a way.
your mindset manifests your reality in a sense. if you believe that you need to be dominated in order to feel submissive—it will be true. if you believe that you must submit to her in order to feel dominated—it will be true.
it's obvious from your posts that you love your wife very much. this is a beautiful thing—hold on to it as your inspiration. i truly wish you the best, fren. and i greatly appreciate what you've shared with me. ^^
Thanks for taking time crafting thoughtful note.
Changing mindset is powerful tool. While I am not sure it would be enough, I am pretty sure it won't hurt anything in the long run to try that approach. Pretty sure it won't be easy, but it's best path forward I can see. It's making me hopeful seeing examples like yours that makes #flr works sustainably in real life.
In retrospect I wonder if I failed my duty diligence when falling in love (and following on that, which is actually conscious choise in contrast to former). Having her being into flr like your lady is would be great deal of help.
But still, one have to move forward, so let's try me going on unconditional devotion path and see where that lead me to ☺️
i hope some of what i shared helps you in your journey, fren. i also know what it's like to have an excess of sexual energy that is difficult to redirect. it feels unwelcome and lonely to be unable to share it with the one you love, especially when you're figuring out how to sit with it.
but i would also say that we are more alike that you may think. i fell in love with my Wife when we we both young—we had no idea of FLR or kink or anything. i think i knew that i was submissive, but i had no idea what it meant or how to express it. i held shame for it for a long time. both of us had a lot of self-discovery and growing pains to work through.
She is drawn more to the relationship aspect of FLR than the kink—the affection and devotion, the service and support, the intimacy and connection—my yearning and aching and desire; She enjoys inspiring and shaping me to be the best version of myself for Her—She enjoys me being Her reliable good boy.
and you're right when you say the path of unconditional devotion is challenging, fren. it can be frustrating—full of ups and downs—especially when starting out. but i have to say, the journey has been so rewarding so far, not in terms of getting what i want, but in terms of finding what i didn't know i needed. <3
Continue to be excellent! 🫂
If you are a good boy, you deserve some recognition. And a crotch massage while smiling full of warmth.