When competing with your own children should you:
a: beat them everytime
b: let them win everytime
c: mix it up
#asknostr
Discussion
They won’t get better if you let them win
so do you ever let them win
Not really no
node didn't raise no loser
do you ever feel like that is too soul crushing?
I mean he’s 5. Not many competitive games that we play yet. A few easy board games. He doesn’t pay attention much. Unrealistic that he could possibly win. Other one is too young
how about things like soccer, my little one is 5, her brother I beat more consistently, maybe like 70/30% cause he found it motivating
She can handle 50/50 but loses interest with more
I lean towards what's the ratio to get you maximally engaged/improving
We did do quite a bit of martial arts together (aikido). For that it wasn’t presented in a win or lose way. All the takedowns and techniques were presented as a game. Keeps the kids engaged. So basically he would “take me down” everytime. But I would take him down every single time too. He would tell me “papa you take me down so quickly” and I would reply “I was paying attention to what the master said son, maybe you should too” 😂
If it’s not a competition, at his age it keeps him invested. So a good 50/50 maybe 60/40 like in the martial arts class. But the master would change the exercices quite a few times in the hour. Also games to begin and end the session. Let them burn some energy. But make it more about play then win or lose. Competition and proper technique can come later
Beat them every time
We mix it up. I don’t want to completely crush their interest in something by having them lose all the time.
Teach them how to win everytime
I intentionally play just a step ahead of their level, so they can win, but only if they excel. As they improve, I play harder, hoping one day to try my best and lose.
When young "c"
When teenagers "a" until they can actually beat you
this is where I land
My dad did this but always kept it close (without taking it too easy on me) but I also had a lot of grit which he also was careful not to discourage. Meant it mean a lot once I could beat him, which was tough as my dad is a champ 😂
Even when I was in college I'd come home and play 1on1 basketball with my dad and it was 50-50 who would win. We would play into the hundreds counting score by 1's and 2's because we both are so competitive, go home without bloody lips and bruisy but laughing and loving it
1 on 1 basketball is a battleground man, what gritty game lol, and 1 and 2s is the way
i think maximum engagement is what you describe, can you parent to bring the absolute best out of them
IMHO: Make it as competitive as u can but beat them most if not all of the time so that when they finally beat u (and they will if it’s important enough to them to stick with it) it matters… to both of u.
Having said that, do what feels right to u…I’m sure I let mine win on plenty of occasions to help them build confidence …but the losses prolly build coping skillz and determination/ perseverance…but every kid is different and sometimes they need the win (I’m lookin at u nostr:npub1ng8zqsa04gzk5y4ch0nh43xrrpwqu27ydvf24s2cdzg5gv3upc7qycqjc0 🤭😉😂😂🫂⭕️)
…🤔😳…also remember that those lil *ssholes are gonna be pickin out ur nursing home one day😖🤦🏽♂️😂😂
Just one idgit’s opinion…
Love it
Age matters. Younger = build confidence. Try hard & you can win. Kids aren’t stupid either. They know when you’re lying or pretending.
Older kids need to know how to lose and accept it. Losing gracefully is more of a flex than winning like an asshole.
I won a lot but losses were what made me better.
C
show them how to do your best and be authentic
That's a good summary for the north star, my kids are in competitive sports and the house rule is of I see your best out there I don't care about end result
If the effort is lacking they are running laps until I'm happy at home
A. That’s how I grew up
A
or if B, let them know you're letting them win or make a game of letting them succeed while you obviously stop trying
or keep it to parent/child competition to a minimum while you encourage them to compete with their past records
As if I had a choice....
The little guy is super fun to play checkers with. He's likes it a lot and is real strategic about it, certainly better than any 5yo ive seen.
I end up beating him most of the time but he's actually taken me a handful of times and it was astonishing. He's a capable player for his age. He's going to beat the pants off me more often than not in the near future if he sticks with it.
For most other things I dont give complete effort to just crush him but I also dont just let him win easily. We definitely don't gloat about winning.
If he loses with a bad attitude I make sure he understands that "nobody wins every time. Everybody loses and thats ok, we aren't going to have a bad attitude about it. We keep trying".
a, a, b, a, a, b
1. Start by beating them a couple of times
2. Give them a win if the try hard
3. Up the level and beat them again
4. End with a good win so they feel empowered for next time
If they are close to winning, let them win. If they are losing badly, win then coach them.
Answers are all over the place, thanks for the conversation!
Sometimes the kids need to spawn in story mode.
I let em win till they start talking shit. Then I teach em a lesson in humility for the next few rounds
Let them win about 30% of times. Enough to encourage them to keep trying hard and not be devastated.
C life is a balance
C, but it depends on the situation, what are y'all competing over?
Depends on the age of the child.
As they get older they need to get used to losing, because in life you lose the majority of "competitions" but when they are younger letting them win will help them build confidence.
It's very subjective
C of course
Real winners forge strength, not fragile egos or fake wins.