and this account could be very pisces mars and could explore more of what that is about.

or does that come across to DID

like notes w/o even colored text differences w/o even starting a blank project would be crazy? like id have to situate and explain the project on a stream as an astrologer person before attempting? or is that infantilizing readers. i mean, first of all, i dont care about this enough to be on video when i dont want to be that's a security thing

i am making so many salient points 😂, maybe i just do this now as a new method of writing

talk between accounts to myself

i mean, i agree entirely this is great

is ~this~ fascist tendencies tho

ya know? worth asking

is it normal to think it is normal to drive 75mph down a highway a couple feet from cars on either side going the same speed?

is that safe? is that reckless? should that at least be frightening every time? if you are habituated to the horrors are you mentally well?

is it possible to be well in a profoundly sick society? on a planet full of microplastics we put there?

my cross account story arc isnt going so seamless rn

dev technical difficulties or what

missing note.

primal you are reaching your last chances. we know this is the hinterlands and ive been amenable but behaviorally, i have had to already adjust. primarily:

1. ive had to bookmark shit i dont care about just to make sure i can refind it cos i have to close the ap to open it again to get my keyboard back or because a post randomly cuts off

2. i often write, then select and copy what i write, because the post might just not post

nostr:nprofile1qqs9xtvrphl7p8qnua0gk9zusft33lqjkqqr7cwkr6g8wusu0lle8jcpzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wd68ytnzv9hxgqgcwaehxw309ac8yetdd96k6tnswf5k6ctv9ehx2aqlq2uxh nostr:nprofile1qqsdv8emcke7k3qqaldwv956tstu40ejg663gdsaayuuujs6pknw7jsprpmhxue69uhhqun9d45h2mfwwpexjmtpdshxuet5qyt8wumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnswf5k6ctv9ehx2aq00hg4t

to a certain extent, mildly, casually meant:

do i believe everyone on earth is mentally ill?

yea

often: a mess

often: the worst

people come and arrive and are and shift all around spectrums, to me

to me: if someone is saying: dude, thank god for my medication

or: thank god after fifteen years i found the right medication

cool! cool. love that. all about it.

if someone says: i need this medication. i like it. i want to stay on it. but it does make me forgetful. can you help me?

you bet. every day i will help remind you to take your meds cos you asked me on your own steam.

compliance tho? the idea of remaining compliant when you hate this?

sorry im not down. i cant be part of that. i dont care if it is court ordered.

many artists on the margins have a lot going on. whether that is in the hands of gods, spirits, muses, demons, their own spirit, their oversoul, their personal soul, the cost of this level of art making in general,

their sensitivity

senses they perceive differently

what they are carrying

their own waymaking

on another level,

"I didn't realize he had a strong compulsion to invite the illness in again to feel high, something he described vividly as an addiction to mania, not dissimilar to opiate addiction."

I think modernity is very spiritless and soul sucking. I don't really agree with equating addiction to mania as opiate addiction as in, the stigma usually slammed onto junkies

I can understand as caregivers, the selfishness and the cost:

like: 'wowww you just had to go do this shit to feel so creative again and make all this art or this album or this novel and who is doing the laundry? who is making sure you shower? can we schedule this next time? like you are responsible for six months and then ok a two weeks off meds creative bender vacation so i can plan around this?'

i get that

and it really sucks when the answer is no. no, my vision is more important than this family. no, i have to meet up with the cia. no, i cant schedule this. no, i can't give six months of service and drudgery.

let's make and eat sandwiches and maybe the handler wants to meet in a park or something. im just not down with walking down the side of a highway.

im not an expert, i can only share anecdotally so all this is prefaced with 'to me':

when someone is altered, whether by drugs, delusions, depression, mania, can't co-create co-dream as equal participants in shared reality

it kinda has to be a babysitter thing. or shit can get dangerous for you, for them, both of you.

Like: yes we can talk in the pantry if you feel safer there cos of the CIA but no we cant walk down the highway so you can meet your handler under a bridge we could be hit by cars.

Have I been around people while they are on a manic high? yes

Railed too many lines? yes

are both deeply fucking annoying and require a lot of effort from me being on high alert? yes

has anyone been a trip sitter for someone on acid?

I guess when it is a chemical substance imbibed it is safer as a framework to others because they can make estimates about the comedown. you took this. and this is a normal dose for your height and weight. i can look up the ld50. you should be fine and back to yourself in t minus how ever many hours.

I think she is courageous to publish writing about losing her son to suicide. To open herself up to criticism by publishing. I think grief often makes people brave. Aftermath, too. Once it is too late. Finished. Over. And all you have is time to write a story into some kind of peace at rest for yourself. A testimony for others. That they may choose similarly or differently.

8.15.2024

Navigating Mental Crises

My journey as a mom and a psychiatrist facing my son's bipolar illness.

by Yvette Sheline MD

Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

article link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/navigating-mental-crises/202408/navigating-mental-crises

can say, if i was Bill

there is a chance i'd be dead to

cos shit sounds like it sucks for Bill

"Bill complained vociferously about having to drive to the crisis unit every night but it also established a routine for him that was useful."

was it? useful? wish i had the author and mother's definition of useful here. useful to her? helpful to her? useful to him? idk we may need him for that assessment and he is dead.

"Even Bill, when he was being honest with himself, said that the medication monitoring had worked well for him, helping him to achieve sta-bility."

'when he was being honest with himself' can I, a random stranger, assess the veracity of honesty from a now dead man especially if that contradicts his own mother? no. i cant do that. morally.

23.2.2025

The Aftermath of Release From Mandatory Medication

Compliance

What happens when a court order releases a person from medication compliance?

by Yvette Sheline MD

Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

article link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/navigating-mental-crises/202502/the-aftermath-of-release-from-mandatory-medication-compliance

cant be scared

https://primal.net/e/nevent1qqs26z4plfa56hpfafcrkswnpr6jgxqdgxgy4yptgyc0e8g7u4elxrspcxy62

everyone gets to be scared

everyone gets to be a coward

and you get to die

that is what marginalization means pragmatically

they get to fail you because they are only human

and you get to die because you arent

mental illness, psychiatric disorders, marginalization, institutionalization, caregiver abuse..

i just rarely rarely see it out here

when i find it, i wanna amplify in 2026

i think the art is important, i think the conversations are important, and im also thinking about it in terms of bayo akomolafe's monsters and the cracks

nostr:nevent1qqstl0wz2jtla3vfszda8wcpw4r2rlwjpdf0wk7wdehv3y0t22pfzsq27l0s3

9.6.2014

Grace by Sage Francis

Director: Jay Brown, treatment written by Sage Francis

Gaffer: David Meiklejohn, FX: Paul Mihailoff, Casting: Krystal Kenville

PA: Brendan Flynn.

Actors in order of Appearance: Sage Francis, Pamela Chabora, Eileen Hanley, Isaiah Brown, Mike Aberle, Tatum Strunk Special thanks: Irena Mihalinec, Karen True, Allen Baldwin, Susan Robbins.

https://blossom.primal.net/a1f146326bd8a1ad438fac3c0e86cda5a6c09772ca207964dc22a2bb38c48754.mov

🎶We're selling addictive, twenty-four hour candlelight vigils on TV.

Freedom will be defended at the cost of civil liberties.

The viewers are glued to television screens, stuck,

'cause lots of things seem too sick.

I use opportunities to pluck heartstrings for theme music.

I'll show you which culture to pump your fist at,

which foot is right to kiss.

We don't really know who the culprit is yet,

but he looks like this.

We know who the heroes are,

they're not the xenophobes who act hard.

We taught that dog to squat,

how dare he do that shit in our own back yard.

They happen to scar our financial state,

and char our landscape.

Can you count how many times so far I ran back the same damn tape?

While the cameraman creates news and shoves it down our throats,

on the west bank,

with the ten second clip put on constant loop to provoke US angst.

So get your tanks and load your guns and hold your sons in a family huddle,

'cause even if we win this tug of war and even the score, humanity struggles.

There's a need of blood for what's been uncovered under the rubble;

some of them dug for answers in the mess, but the rest were looking for trouble.🎶

hi halfbaked 🍪🥛

goodnight nostr 🛌 ✨💜🫂

but if i did, i couldnt even associate with you by even conversing publicly one time. that is how fucked they are.

i could never support an org with clown-show comms like this. which, i mean, luckily for you and you org, i have nothing to give anyway. so it isnt like you lost funding.

i dont think you understand what appropriate communication in this sector working for an org looks like. which kinda baffling to me. you are not an anon account.

excellent choice. 💜

i might have to catch a bit

to be stoked about freedom tech is cool and fine

to get that tech to people is cool and fine

to have a publicly shared opinion about regime change as an outsider is severely inappropriate

the people decide. the younger generations are astounding. everyone i meet younger than me knocks me over with brightness and clarity of vision. in good hands. their very own.

the most inappropriate comms i ever did read in my life.

nostr:nevent1qqsfaa6lnsm8u7kdvguczs8rw2j89lexkwy3f8cj2e07la7pgx2vvkcprdmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuumwdae8gtnnda3kjctv8g6nwggeetz

i followed btw, heads up: my account is a weird sitch, it is private and i cant delete it and it is locked and i only have two followers. but you are more than welcome to follow back if you'd like and if not, i understand

idk why you were put in timeout for that thats wild

the last time i was put in time out i lost my fucking shit and i didnt regret it

gimbus gauntlet, the sub incentive, got the subs during the subathon i just saw the video

the way i would fight you on the sidewalk without even taking out my earrings first

as in, im so willing to have both my lobes torn for this

you commit an offense against love and nature and you ask why you are being sent to run it off for doling out advice?

this you? lol

take a lap hodl

https://primal.net/e/nevent1qqsz2ytc89ervdrz408kegnqd2y54d6svu2wax3h7kqrmclkumhzkvcylx0rx

it is not too late for me

just outhere substacking my deeply indigenous breakfast for ig via nostr before i climb into my dad's horse to take him to the medicine man place for physical therapy

the cornbread is from a field called the grocery store

i didnt make it

didnt grow the pecans either

or the frozen bloobs