The role of a husband is protect and provide, but what does that actually mean?
It means the role of the husband is to fully insulate his wife from all external stressors and responsibilities so that she can focus on the children.
Discussion
This is correct.
the way i would fight you on the sidewalk without even taking out my earrings first
as in, im so willing to have both my lobes torn for this
lol I’m not going to fight you. And you’re incapable of fighting me.
amen to this. Not always an easy task, but certainly the most rewarding. I may fail in many things over the years, but I will never fail them, not until my final breath.
I think that a husband role is not to provide but to lay out a foundation for prosperity, just like a min-state.
By protecting them from big peril and finding the proper tools and knowledge to let them grow.
A family business will supply the need of self development and still allow your whole family to face challenges together. Everything they need while you can keep them close to you, specially in the long term.
Relationships that do not have meaningful things in common tend to break with enough time.
... at any and all costs. The husband sacrifices his own pleasures for his family. Maybe he is allowed on midlife crisis but he typically pays for it.
Having been married 36 years with 3 kids, I would say it’s a bit more nuanced than this. These are phases, stages, unforeseen events and a variety of unique details that mean it’s not a cut and dry recipe for success. Be open to roles evolving, if not for you, as least for your kids. 🙂
I think this is a pretty fixed view on my part. At least as an ideal worth striving for at the very least.
That I get. I had a similar view early on. It wasn’t until I had to fight a couple of unexpected battles that I realised my ideal was not optimal. That’s when I understood the real depth and power of a relationship that is not dominated by fixed ideas about roles but by a partnership that deals with the ebbs and flows of life as needed, in season and on time. Has worked for us. Would highly recommend 🙂
I think it’s most crucial to hew strongly to this view when the children are young. Even though I’m not there yet, I can see myself agreeing that later stages could be more flexible.
So many variables to consider. Totally agree, if it can be done to prioritise parental efforts when kids are young. For us we agreed to making it a priority that our preschoolers would have at least one full time parent at home. It worked out that my wife was able to take that role on and we made it happen. I think we were lucky. Economics, jobs, skill sets, housing etc were favourable. There were sacrifices though. I acknowledge though that there will be some that will not be able to make this type of arrangement happen. Sometimes survival does not care about ideology 🤷♂️
You forgot to add “If both partners agree to this division of responsibilities.” Man I hope we don’t slide back to a time where your genitals come with “roles”.
They do come with roles though. It’s hardwired. I will never incubate and deliver a baby for instance. Also I as a male am more genetically expendable than my wife for instance.
You know that’s not what I meant.
Idk clarify it because I’m not sure what you meant
It’s easier to clarify by stating that a wife can also insulate and assist a husband so that he can focus on children.
Gender roles is a cultural or religious invention when it comes taking care of certain every day tasks.
Absolutely! Thank you for arguing against this backward thinking ppl... (No matter their "status"!)
I wasn't expecting so much medieval thinking models on nostr, but here we are... a lot of work to be done tho, but luckily there are a lot of open minded and forward thinking people gathering here, too!
Here goes Hodl, upsetting everyone with his very reasonable takes again 🤣
Put her in a burka and hijab too. Fully insulate her from the lustful eyes of other men.
Nah that’s just bizarre
It is bizarre but that's what you sound like. Muslims use this exact same logic. It's all meant to "protect the woman."
Being able to hold her weight while in a squat helps. What was the question?
My biggest success has been wifey scoring a moissonette ring for well under100 that helps with protection. We have six kids and it's important our children see what a loving relationship looks like. She had lost her wedding band years ago and never really liked the hand me down engagement so this has been nice. Plus she is coming out of the baby years and hitting peak MILF stage and I'm doing what middle aged dudes do who don't get divorced and leveling up.
I have spoken to my wife about this. Nothing has been more fulfilling for me as a husband than to watch my wife take care of our children and then whatever else she wants to do. Free from corporate BS and the stress that comes with it. She has really enjoyed the last year of no work.
Then I lost my job and we have some catching up to do.
We are actively working to accomplish this again.
It’s not a role.
People can’t follow this like a “playbook” - or will it.
It must happen organically - it’s woven into our species.
Things isolated from all external stress grow weak and die.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but my wife was raised to be a career woman. Initially, it really attracted me to her because I came from a place with unambitious people.
Once we had our son, I’ve been pushing her towards focusing on raising kids and not worrying about working.
She’s so much better for it. She’s happier, healthier, more fulfilled, and recently has started to become much more playful.
It’s a good life. You should try it.
Here’s a challenge I haven’t cracked. Protect your spouse from external stressors while educating her about why we should strive for food, water, energy and monetary sovereignty.
Even I wish I didn’t know half of the shit I know about what’s coming our way sometimes.
Shit dawg sometimes you gotta just eat a Big Mac even though you know it’s poison lol we can only do so much
Step #1. Stop trying to educate her. Shes your wife. Not a student. Just talk.
Step #2. Provide food, water, energy and monitery sovereignty and whatever else you think is important. You dont need permission.
Step#3. Half of the shit we think we know is wrong. The other half is hyperbole.
Good grounding words.
I don’t follow… can you elaborate on what this means?
I’m probably coming from a different mindset at this time, please see my other notes within the thread. Dying to self means to put one’s desires dead last and family’s ahead. The juggernaut in this is if the husband’s parents are in need and the wife interferes, she is the one to get the short end of the deal and the he makes no apologies, one big fat zero. However, it’s relative and all a matter of perspective really. It becomes fragile balance where he must decide but stand firm in his decision.
I see where you’re coming from and I’ll check out your other notes. I think this approach makes for the best fathers and strongest families.
Appreciate you. Yes, decisions should be well thought and as practical as possible with little to no collateral damages when possible. Even the best dads and strongest families get tried by fires.
My wife hasn’t worked a job in 3 years, after our second was born and now 3rd, her whole world revolves around their development. It’s an incredibly hard way to go, but infinitely more rewarding than anything a “career” could offer. I take on making sure we have enough to cover all expenses and save for the future. Our roles are entirely different, yet equally important. Both of us give 100%. We will homeschool and if I stack hard enough for us we will be able to spend more of our time together instead of at some fiat BS job.
I’m interested in homeschooling when I have kids, so I am trying to learn about how others pull it off. What’s your plan? Are you trying stack hard enough so that you can work less hours and then spend time helping with schooling instead? I love teaching, so I’ve always wondered if it made sense for me to play a more active role in homeschooling.
Our kids are still under 5 years old so right now it’s minimal. My wife does do some structured learning with them like coloring, matching, hand coordination like holding a pencil etc. but that’s about an hour at a time.
My contribution right now is that anytime I am working on something around the house, I include my 2 oldest. They get to hand me tools and see how they’re used and even use them too. I believe this is a massively valuable way for them to learn at this age.
As they get older I intend to continue my “hands on” teaching in different subjects while my wife handles the book knowledge in the mornings. She also teaches them cooking/baking. Since there is no mandated structure to homeschooling, my wife can teach on a schedule that makes sense for her, and I can takeover in the evenings after work. The hope is eventually I will be able to stop working as well and I can focus my time on teaching them too.
Sounds like a good plan. Thanks for sharing!
28 years of experience says....😂
Marriage is a made up construct. Roles are a made up construct. Husband is a made up construct. Responsibility is a made up construct.
There is no roles that actually mean anything
Her: Who deleted Instagram from my phone?
Me: I am fully insulating you from all external stressors so you can focus on the children.
Let’s see how this goes…
lol 😂
So, what does this actually mean?
"To fully insulate his wife from all external stressors and responsibilities"
I love being my husbands partner. I'm extremely grateful that he includes me in his plans and ideas of how to provide for us.
When we first got married, I had 3 months of work to finish up, so I brought him to Sweden. Then we moved to America where I wasn't allowed to work for 2.5 years, and son after finally getting my greencard, I got pregnant. I've had it for a year now, and I've actually only worked for 3 days total.
Our son is almost 4 months old, and we both got some work for his dad, hubby painted and I cleaned, and our son could be with us.
I would take breaks to deal with our sons needs, and my hubby didn't even stop for lunch (I brought him something but he ate while working).
It was fun, but a lot for me, since I got paid for the time I worked, not took breaks, and our son is super chill, but he decided he wanted to talk for 10 minutes or something, instead of eating, so I felt the pressure of wanting to get back to work.
Generally speaking, I am way better suited for a normal job than my husband, temperamentally, and there are things I enjoy. However, I much prefer being a mom!
I'm currently helping to edit his upcoming book, because as a new mom, I found that my time is extremely fragmented, so working on one of my own books would be much harder to keep track of. For example, coming up with a scene and then having my hands occupied so I wouldn't be able to finish writing it down while it was fresh in my mmind. So, editing his book, where as long as I finish reading the paragraph, I can make a note and come back whenever sounded great! And it has been!
So, letting him be responsible for active work is something I'm extremely grateful for. And as someone's comment, is actually something that weighs on my husband as a man much more than on me. Yes, I want money to survive and thrive, but I don't have a need to provide like he does. I do however have a need to care for our son and make sure he gets opportunities to learn and grow, which I didn't know I had in my until I had him.
We've had car issues since June, needing a new transmission, and then realizing we actually need a new car cause it's really well-used and has other issues too. 😖 I wouldn't want to be insulated from that, in the sense of not knowing what's going on, because we practice secret minimization which is an extremely healthy way of making sure our marriage stays fun and intimate. However, I don't want to need to deal with the car, as well as tending to our son every 2.5h, cause that's already a lot.
We are partners, co-reigning, he takes on the ultimate responsibility for providing and protecting, because those are actually in his nature even if I can do them, and I take on caring for our son, but also, I'm the one who started collecting points at Starbucks where we go to work on our books, so we can occasionally get something "for free", and I'm the one who takes care of the Safeway digital coupons, because it's way too gimmicky for my husband, but it does save us money so he really appreciates it! We are partners!
So, "being insulated from the external stressors and responsibilities" doesn't make sense to me.
Him having the ultimate responsibility to take care of those things practically, while I tend do our son and future kids, while still getting to be involved in the idea process of how to get them done sounds way better to me.
I love when my husband tells me his idea, but asks me for my input, cause there are times when I have valuable intel from God, the Holy Spirit inspired female intuition perhaps, that has seriously aided us in some decisions we've made!
So, I wouldn't want to be insulated from it, unless you mean in the practical application aspect of insulation. Like, I'm not the one responsible for getting that stuff done even if I help come up with ideas for how to do it. If that makes any sense.
Thanks for reading my mini book of thoughts on the topic 😅🤣
Also, I totally read isolated at first, not insulated, so perhaps what you meant wasn't isolated, separated, cut off from, but rather, having a buffer inbetween, and if so, I'm way more on board 😅
Yes insulated means safe/warm/protected/buffeted from the outside world not isolated/cut off/detached.
These are very different things.
funny how most in the comments find this offensive rather than generous and honorable
Truly bizarre times we live in
Because its patronizing and disenfranchising, and about 50% of human population do not like that! :D
But I admit, the bait worked on me.
How is it patronizing or disenfranchising? I’m trying to understand your view.
Thanks for asking!
Given I used the words correctly:
Easily:
Imagine someone would tell you (with whatever passion for whatever work), that you should forsake that given passion (and probably talent), ONLY because of your gender and do whatever the other person (with another gender) wants you to do.
There will be no argument about that because of YOUR gender, your future will be determined and dependent (psychologically trained, but also financially then) by someone else, because of your gender.
Or for us bitcoin plebs:
Imagine your s. o. would _demand_ from you to transfer your BTC funds to THEIR custody ONLY. "because some genders tend to make irrational financial decisions and are more prone to gambling" or whatever. Its only to protect you OFC, because your s. o. knows better than you, but you cant understand that, because of your gender...
How would that feel?
My point is that decision making based on gender only is MOSTLY bullshit and to the heavy disadvantage of women.
(This was written by a heteronormative man - in an "equal rights, equal responsibilities" relationship, sorry Ladies ;) )
It is generous and honorable as long as you have the $ and are making it her choice
And that’s why modern marriages don’t work out.
The husband expects his wife to partially assume his role while she still does close to 100% of her role.
It’s my job to 100% provide for my family and die protecting them if necessary.
Works for many women, but not all.
Some women require adult to adult stress, and if you cannot provide this, she will find it elsewhere.
Protect. Provide. Or… just get Bitcoin.
And also create the opportunities and avenues that are needed for her to carry out her interests in business or contributions to the arts and sciences efficiently and effectively
I would add, shield her from the need to work a life-draining fiat job
It means to protect our wives and daughters from their own stupid decisions. That’s why we used to have arranged marriages. Look what has happened to families and the birth rate since we let people pick their own partners.
Yeah, maybe.
But also perhaps this is a little too absolute? Maybe throttle it back a bit to, say, 70-80%?
Ha 70-80% is, not really the Hodl way, I know ... lol
Yea, some really do live in the 50s... Some prefer equal treatment and equal sharing of responsibilities. The latter is the way of antifragility which is, fact based, lasting longer...
Yes, this is what we did
This seems correct in extreme times of external stress. At the same time it sounds to narrow and archaic for the good times. Perhaps good strong men get shit DONE and good strong women ensure the men do not destroy the network of community relationships.
Mais um idiota quer rola e não sabe pedir...
#gm #goodmorning #nostr #meme
We all need to balance between being safe helped coached protected, and being exposed to new experiences, that might end in joy or subtle suffering, but make us learn and develop.
It's hard to balance these two forces for myself, let alone for my wife and child.
I believe that with the best husband-intentions we can be limiting the equal development of our families. Obviously, not being there for them is, not caring, is not good either.
This says it well. I’ve never thought it was husbands job to protect me I always thought of it as a team effort. There was a time where I had my own business and I needed him for so many things and he did his best. It’s easier for sure if you have the $
Yes but trying to do it alone is not optimal. Being a part of a good small church who all focus on living a higher life helps the men in the congregation all shoulder that burden together, making them all more resilient to the inevitable challenges we will all face
Wtf? Unfollowing your hegemonic and sexist account
My ex didn't do this at all. I felt like I was on my own and left.
The husband that I adore is my companion as we navigate those stressors together. He has been mostly responsible for creating a bubble in which our lives are almost magical.
But a man who actually tried to insulate me from all external stressors and responsibilities... idk, I don't think that would work for me.
Why? It sounds like you already have that tbh
Good luck with that lol
In this economy only the 1% can do that 💀
I think it's the role of the husband to help the wife find her voice and to prepare a place where she can develop her competence relative to her temperament, choices, and God.
And to love, honor, speak the truth kindly, and leave her better than he found her each day, month, and life.
Dont give up lil bro❤️
Of course it is and thats why they try so hard to break that bond of the nuclear family. When you aren't fortunate enough to be in one you are much easier to control.
It’s tough in Germany. It’s literally day care with unconditional raise every year. There is literally no stress at work.