a pretty good mind equipped with a pretty limited amount of composure and self-control is a pretty good description of me. keeping calm takes up a lot of my energy. but once i'm calm, i get bored and restless.

sometimes, little dramas unfold at the cash register of the local grocery store.

a woman in her 60s had shopped a handful of groceries, and was looking at the receipt. she told the cashier that they had overcharged for the smoothie.

"why would she complain about such a cheap item?" i thought to myself.

she went to check the aisle and came back again, insisting that she saw the correct price.

the cashier, a young girl, calmly told her that she was looking at the wrong price tag.

the woman paced around nervously, and made a sound as if to speak, but only a sad trembling "uhm" came out, before she quickly walked away from the cash register.

"that woman must've been adding up the price of every item to make sure she could afford them, so she wouldn't get embarrassed at the cash register." i thought to myself.

i feel old

so, so old

jeg kjenner noen fra et fjernt land som er i den litt absurde situasjonen at de ble utplassert i Oslo av en arbeidsgiver hjemmefra, på oppdrag for en av Norges største børsnoterte selskaper, fikk seg venner og nettverk her, før beskjeden kom om at oppdraget skulle avsluttes. de prøvde å finne ny jobb her, men fikk det ikke til og måtte reise hjem.

at noen som mangler kvalifikasjoner og ikke har tilknytning til Norge skulle ha vansker for å finne seg jobb her kan man på en måte forstå.

litt verre å forstå at noen som jobba og bodde i Oslo og trivdes her måtte dra herfra ufrivillig i forrige uke.

nostr:npub1vznay8faq0y8qwxtjhh7yp658rgxcatcyx2gftpmf9qef04lj02sylwauw i mean, you need a little more than a week for something like that. i open up quite easily but i'm seeing that a lot of context was lacking.

nostr:npub1df96jqumkhanf4ltz4eq8atzn4ykxj9e005r929sx7hdfc92ymjqtye9ry what i'm speaking about is general social anxiety. speaking to a woman just adds to that anxiety.

nostr:npub1df96jqumkhanf4ltz4eq8atzn4ykxj9e005r929sx7hdfc92ymjqtye9ry first off, it's not only women. just interacting with strangers in general.

one frustration i have with matchmaking apps is this:

i find that many people find me quite enjoyable and even endearing to talk to in person, once they actually have a chance to meet me. i can read that from their faces and their body language.

this does not carry across very well in a photo or a short bio.

and in person, i'm quite shy. i need to drink quite a lot to get over that, and still i have to push myself quite hard to have the courage to walk up and talk to strangers in a bar, for example.

i think that's what happened the other day when i randomly ended up visiting someone's house to have a chat.

problem is that i was too drunk to feel anything at that point. coherent enough in conversation, but feeling completely indifferent, and i can't even remember half of what happened.

if they walk up to me, it's fine, but that's a rare event. i don't naturally draw people toward me by just being in the room.

it's kind of pointless to try to socialise if i can only do so when i'm too drunk to meaningfully connect with people.

i asked a psychiatrist if maybe they have something i can take to calm my nerves so i can actually initiate social encounters. she didn't seem interested in helping me with that.

i really hate most doctors.

when i'm feeling low, i think about my life.

looking to the past, i see a bunch of stuff i didn't get to experience at the ages most people experienced them at. it can largely be chalked up to being neurodiverse.

looking to the near future, i see uncertainty about my prospects for life satisfaction, and certainty about old age and death.

you might call it a mid-life crisis, but i think it hits a little stronger because my life has been so lacking in job stability, friendships and intimacy.

having a couple of friends and other forms of aid makes up for it somewhat, but not late at night when it's just me here.

it's very tempting to reach for a beer at moments like that. it's just a plain unhappy feeling and there are clear reasons for it. "this is not what i wanted."

nostr:npub1q8nhcxa8t9zfk06ggqwpwcr64znkxvnwt2wgzqdtga920g355p4qdfkct8 nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 women under 30 have started feeling more like "work in progress" to me over time. so i guess i want someone with a bit of life experience, but still young enough that i feel physical attraction to them.

i'm not sure how i will feel about women aged 45+ when i hit that age myself. my tastes have drifted over time, but what if they just settle where they are right now?

at that point, maybe it's too late for me.

nostr:npub1q8nhcxa8t9zfk06ggqwpwcr64znkxvnwt2wgzqdtga920g355p4qdfkct8 nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 if the age gap is big, people are likely to be at different life stages. in my experience, you start figuring yourself out more as you hit your 30s.

nostr:npub1q8nhcxa8t9zfk06ggqwpwcr64znkxvnwt2wgzqdtga920g355p4qdfkct8 nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 perhaps not so incidentally, that's what my upper age cutoff is currently set to. it got gradually lowered to that over time, based on what looked kissable to me.

the lower age cutoff is set to 30, but that's less about physical attraction and more that i start feeling they're a bit young for me.

nostr:npub1q8nhcxa8t9zfk06ggqwpwcr64znkxvnwt2wgzqdtga920g355p4qdfkct8 nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 i was with you until the Happy Meal... is that some kind of slang?

anyway, women from literally anywhere else in the world are easier to get dates with, because the women here have pretty high standards, in my experience. and i mean, if you take a look at them and their resumes, that's what you'd expect.

if they want intimacy they can just have casual sex. for friendship and hugs they have their lady friends. why would they bother with a guy unless he's impressive?

nostr:npub1q8nhcxa8t9zfk06ggqwpwcr64znkxvnwt2wgzqdtga920g355p4qdfkct8 nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 i was with you until the Happy Meal... is that some kind of slang?

anyway, women from literally anywhere else in the world are easier to get dates with, because the women here have pretty high standards, in my experience. and i mean, if you take a look at them and their resumes, that's what you'd expect.

if they want intimacy they can just have casual sex. for friendship they have their lady friends. why would they consider anything long-term unless the guy is impressive?

nostr:npub1kpwlxpzkxfmuxjmzc2wp3rf9vjg0sgydmlhsnrgqr3maf59h86qqdxxzz4 oh quite often. but 99.9% of the girls who use dating apps in Norway seem pretty unapproachable.

perfect looking, perfect education, perfect career.

attitude: "i'm already highly successful. now i just need my Prince Charming."

i don't really fit into that puzzle.

1. i bought Tinder Gold. this means i can see everyone who swiped right on me, but

2. hardly a soul is doing it, so

3. unless they start swiping right, my right swipes do nothing, so

4. what is the point of doing this exactly?

engurish! 😤

girl briefly i dated who wasn't ready for a relationship and is now an online friend because she had to leave town: *went on dating sites, got 300 likes, but hardly anyone replied to chat*

me: *went on dating sites, hardly got any likes*

end result: kind of the same, really, except she got more false positives.

your average guy swipes right first and takes a closer look later. machine gun strategy. throw things at the wall and see what sticks.

news gathering

nostr:npub1rmfheqlkam86lq66tuuaqnujyfcg3l0y37tft8kkwsfu0a0sah2srde56p bacon isn't so uniquely American i feel. many places have invented salt-cured pork independently. China did it first.

i ordered a Hiroshima at the pizzeria and this is what they gave me

#TerribleMaps

i think if you're going to argue for a world without borders, you might want to take the "we can be better than our nature" approach to it

i don't get much exercise but living in a city without a car does involve a bit of walking and lifting, and i always take the stairs to my third-floor apartment instead of the elevator. it probably wouldn't hurt if i had more excuses for moving around though. imagine staying in shape just from your daily working and living.

people who live in Oslo legitimately do this, at least for smaller furniture - if it's too big, you just get home delivery. there is parking outside of most IKEAs but i can see how you could do without that.

my monitor, suddenly, out of the blue

"AMD FreeSync Enabled"

wait, i don't even know if that was enabled before...

they have dug up dirt on the husband of the former prime minister and current leader of the conservative party - Erna Solberg. there is suspicion of insider trading - that he used his marriage with Solberg to make money in the stock market - and there is also evidence that suggests that he attempted to conceal it. Solberg's story appears to be changing over time. this only emerged after the municipal elections.

we like to say that Norway doesn't have corruption, but it's more accurate to say that it has a little bit of it.

there is definitely a lot of cronyism/nepotism, but nobody used to care about that. it was excused because the country is small and connected.

it's hard to make friends in Norway, because people rely on their existing networks so much, so that's basically a part of the culture here.

that project i fixed this weekend is the first piece of actual paid work i've done in a while.

3 hours and after that, i needed a nap.

it looks like my follower count has plateaued.

i'm glad it's Tuesday, because Monday was awful