To many parents here what age did you give your kid a smartphone? How do you manage screen time?
Discussion
When they traveled, could use it, and needed it.
Router controls.
Hope all is well nostr:nprofile1qqsyawyrzrttfmv4cmtx5w2m85702kdct7hv3amfrkhagpdf9cz46mgprpmhxue69uhkv6tvw3jhytnwdaehgu3wwa5kuef0qyghwumn8ghj7mn0wd68ytnhd9hx2tcpydmhxue69uhkv6tvw3jhytnwdaehgu3wwa5kuef08ankcmmzv9kr6ctvds20l3q3
None before 12. My adult kids got flips about that age. As soon as my 14 year old daughter got phone/Instagram she got sick and started cutting.She is 29 now and still struggling. No intentions to give my 8&10 year olds devices. They have memorized our numbers and can ask for a phone if they have an emergency
Sorry to hear about your daughter and possible effect social media had on her. Yea that's my biggest fear is the social media apps especially Instagram. Hopefully they are dead by the time my daughter gets older. Ill have her memorize my number for sure too.
Things are good here. Reached out to you some time ago to check in and see how you and your family are doing. I too hope all is well.
I was going reach out to tell you I don't have that Simplex account anymore but wasn't on Nostr for a while during the hectic days and it slipped my mind. I sadly moved to new phone and basically lost the account I had. Sorry if you thought Id ignored your message. I dm'd you my new account. Things are really good now thankfully. Thanks for reaching out and sorry I never got the message to reply.
I just assumed you were busy. That's wonderful to hear! Can you re-send that DM? I didn't get it. I stopped paying for nostr wine & inbox relays, and am now testing another inbox relay I literally just set up. Thx!
Age 9, screen time for educational stuff, and once a week, cartoons and/or documentaries. No screen time outside of this, and especially not when they are "bored".
Nostr is definitely opposite of most people. My friends with kids around this age do a lot of screen time. I plan on doing my best to limit it for a while until she is older.
Here's another good resource on parenting (not specifically screen time related): https://peacefulparenting.com/
Bookmarked. Thanks!
14, and I limit it to an hour a day using Google family
Interesting. Anything before ten I am thinking supervised screen time only. Google family I will look into.
We have been working with parents on this very issue for the past 5 years 😢 https://www.groundswellproject.org/training/
Haven't yet. Probably around 9? Will try to hold out as long as I can or until it makes some sense. Considering only allowing use in public spaces at home, probably no phone at school. An hour time limit sounds reasonable.
9?! Damn that’s early!
I imagine my daughter might be doing after school activities she can go to by herself, sleepovers with girlfriends. Mostly thinking it would be for status updates or for her to call us if she needed something or in case of emergency. There's also the peer aspect, I figure a lot in her cohort will probably have a phone by that age. Definitely leery of the risk of her getting sucked into social media though.
Look into locking it down someone mentioned it in this thread. Seems like Google and Apple have good parental controls to lock phones down. I need to look into and prepare for when the day comes I am a ways away. By the time my baby girl is ten. Elon probably is already chipping everyone
I think I won't until I feel it is a necessity for him to have a phone number, and even then I'm not sure I won't give him a dumb Nokia 3310 clone.
He has free nearly unlimited access to a smartphone and a laptop as long as he's supervised and is doing smart things on them.
Yea I am thinking about a dumb phone for emergencies and supervised screen time early on.
As my kids were growing older I saw kids younger and younger get phones with no parental oversight. I had a genuine fear, as a person in tech, about how handheld smart tech could do to our children.
My kids are 16 and 18. We never babysat them with phones. For TV we had all Pixar movies, and any calm british kid shows that you’d never find on hyperactive tv like Nickelodeon. We let them be bored, though. Not a lot of tv and stuff. There’s health in the quiet moments. You learn how the world works by watching it.
We’ve always had a shared household laptop for minecraft and whatnot. Taught them what code is with the coding games and arduino stuff for kids. When we started doing trips, I wanted to see the world through their eyes by the photos they took and to be able to reach them in emergencies. So, I got them iPhones.
At that point they were 10 and 12. I set them up in full lockdown. On an iCloud account that I controlled, Screen Time locking out installs and everything. Only things on the phone were useful stuff. Phone, Text, Camera, FindMy. Raw usefulness and zero entertainment or connectivity.
I communicated that other kids were getting fed shit by these apps, and that the apps were intelligently designed to wire their brains wrong. I asked them to trust me and that sometimes it would suck because other kids would have apps and conversations that they wouldn’t get to be part of, but the reason is for long term benefit.
I told them they’ll have a long life of using technology. First we learn how to use the world, have real life friends, know ourselves and know where technology fits best for us. Then we can put the tech we choose in our pockets where we can keep tabs on the habits that it wants to give us.
In the quiet times they never reached for their phones. They never felt like they needed their phone with them unless we were on the go and would need to communicate for some reason.
The unlock PIN on both of their phones was the same. Everyone in the house knew them. I told them, “never text anything that you don’t want others to find out or to read back to you when you’re in trouble”. Hopefully this helps keep them out of court in the future. Texted words can be the worst kind of boomerangs.
At age17, I left Screen Time on for measurement and joint review to help teach self management, but I let apps be added that didn’t appear to be actual security threats and didn’t have a legitimate reason for veto. At 18, the phone is his, the passwords are his and he does what he wants.
I can vouch that this has worked as far as I can tell. These two kids are very well adjusted, have real relationships, have comfort in talking with people in person, and understand that we should use tech, not the other way around. I just followed my gut. Fingers crossed that it laid a good foundation.
I’m excited to see dumb phones hanging on and coming back. Cheers to exploring for the right approach early. Hope my path traveled lends some insight to a fellow father.
This is golden, thank you for sharing. 🙏
I bookmarked it. What a wonderful approach. Appreciate the insights into your experience.
Our son doesn't have any kind of phone or technology yet... but he's also still in my belly so that might change once he gets older... 😅🤣
I grew up with a dad who develops electronics, and my brother got his first PC when he turned 9, I was 7. I kept hanging out with friends, and he ended up staying with him computer.
He did learn English from it, but with a Swedish accent. At 12 I'd lost all of my friends by them moving away and such, so I spent my time in front of the TV where English clicked for me, so I got an American accent 😎
I didn't get a phone until I was 14, and probably only because my mom needed a new one and got a deal on two. My brother didn't have one for a few more years since he had no friends.
It was a different time back in the early 2000s. Now I see 5 year olds with their own smartphones 😯
Yea way different times I see way too many tablet/smartphone kids younger than 10 these days. I am going to do my best to only do supervised screen time for learning purposes. No sceeens of her own until she is way older and even then might lock it down. Our timelines kind of similar I got my first PC when I was 9. I just kept playing with friends. There was no addictive social media or games. Even games now have no ending just continuously try to drain you. If I played a game it was to the finish and that was it. Early 2000s like you said were a different time.
Hope the pregnancy is going well and congratulations! I had my first child earlier this year. A blessing 🙏
if my kid was interested in programming, he would get all the screen time on a pc built for programming. but social media? hell. fucking. no.
would be a bit of work to figure out how to restrict the browser access but probably isn't that hard. just whitelist the good stuff, i think, and that would be that. stackexchange, go.dev, github, probably wouldun't be that complicated
of course my little one would be pushed to Go. haha, as if that would be in question. no javacrap for my kiddlywinks
thanks for sharing your experience with this. I have a question about when they were 10 and 12 for some clarity.
From your writing, it sounds like you implemented the same rules for both kids at the same time, despite them being 2 years apart. Were they using the same phone or did each have their own phone? Did you find that a 10 year old handle the same rules as the 12 year old?
again, very much appreciate your time!
You’re right about the age gap. They each had separate phones. But the rules were not so much rules as they were locked-down devices, pretty much bricked for anything that was fun or entertainment. The hardest part came later and is going on now. The 16-year-old watched the freedom gained at 17 by the 18-year-old, and the new complete freedom at 18. As siblings we can’t help but compare ourselves to one another. That earlier mass requested trust feels unfair at this point to the second born. But I’m holding fast. Age matters on this stuff.
thanks for the clarity. I still have many years until this challenge but I'll file away your insight for now. thanks again
Great approach. I may mirror. I haven’t even thought about this topic yet (mine are 4 and 7) but it’s something I need to consider eventually. I think you took a reasonable approach. 18 sounds about right for full freedom too. I don’t think any teen has any business with a phone before they are in middle school - and even then it must be super limited, as much as it will suck seeing their friends having unlimited access. But this is the price of being well adjusted and not a complete drone before you can even comprehend how you’re being used for the sake of a few billionaires.
A joy to look at.
The starting point should be simple, it should lie with the question:
How can our society be built and structured so that it offers our children a good society and community?
A good society should be the ability to make our children more true, smarter and better people than we are, it is a joy to look at.
The starting point of any political action is thus the question of expediency for our children. This is a radical change of perspective.
I had to bookmark this note
Thanks for sharing. I will defintely mirror it!!!
Did you also teach them the basics of digital privacy and security?
Indeed. Password properly, anonymity properly, nothing posted is private (even if made to look so), and what scams, shams and thieves look like. Always gaps in hindsight, but covered what I’ve been able to along the way.
not yet for 10 year old.
“go do Lego or get outside!”😆
They get Netflix on weekend mornings 🤙🏽
I got time but something I got to think about, I think I will only allow supervised screen time until at least then. Possibly a dumb phone for emergencies.
Just get them an Apple Watch with cellular if you can afford it. You can get in touch with them when you need to, and they get a cool watch that allows them to feel connected and fit in with peers without the social media and browsing dangers. Win-win.
Watch plans are also a lot cheaper ($10) than a phone, and you can use the Find My for location sharing.
Desktop, yes, wired. Smartphone, no. Wifi, no.
I am with it. This way there is intentional use. No temptation elsewhere can live in moment no anxiety of missing out always and opening phone for no reason.
just from anyone’s point of view, we somehow have to each develop discipline and proper perception. i’m not sure if third party restriction helps or hinders that real end goal requirement of that development. i’d make sure the kid has awareness that somehow thriving amongst a world of screens is the true win and can properly describe that to be true. then, the kid might find the needed balance to participate in the modern society but still find inner peace without it.
