Standing in the middle of a world full of people - feeling utterly alone.
Loneliness is the true worldwide pandemic.
Discussion
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Must be a cultural thing. I don’t think this is a global issue. It did feel that way in the states for me, but not the case in Japan.
👋 hi friend!
🫂 hola gato fren
💯🫂
Often, the more people are around, the lonelier I feel.
Yes. I think as people have turned more inward, and become more selfish, fewer and fewer people are making truly intimate connections. Friendship doesn’t mean what it used to, and isn’t cultivated or valued the way it ought to be.
I have a few friends who are very frequent social media users. The irony of their usage is that the more they try to use it to connect with others, the more I feel as if I'm becoming more distant from them. As if I'm nothing more than a tool to with a singular purpose: to make them look good for their followers. People seem to have become obsessed with perfecting their online personas, ya see. Lol. They almost treat it as an art form. Perfecting who they wish they were with zero acknowledgement or care for the concerns of others.
the charitable reading is that people have tools now to choose their own tribes beyond their immediate geographical surroundings.
I'm not sure that "works" for humans, but I do see humans doing it. hell, I do it a lot.
I feel as if you're missing the point to some degree. Yes, online interaction with others allows us to choose our own "tribes" as you say-- far too easily, in my opinion --but how many members of said tribes would you say hold relationships of genuine value?
that's why I said it might not "work" but it doesn't mean it's not a very attractive-seeming option.
and for what it's worth, the most valuable of my met-on-the-internet connections are friends (and business partners) that I do regularly make an effort to travel to see in person. it's not the same as a geographically-proximate relationship, but it's getting close. and the connection is more highly tuned.
The risk of course is in surrounding yourself only with like minded people. In prior generations, you had to regularly socialize with those that you might despise. Thesis: This tension made us better/stronger people. I think Gurdjieff would definitely agree
Sidenote: I love the author Jon Hassler. He wrote a lot of stories about small towns that depict really well this experience of having to socialize among diverse communities. It’s something that young people may not be able to relate to. Cyber bullying and cyber hating is a very different experience imo.
Yes and no. It depends on what aspects are being referred to, of course. For example, I've observed that a far more significant number of people from the past two generations seem less likely to hold any form of racial bias—something that was highly prevalent in older generations—although this is also highly dependent on cultural upbringing. Cultures that have been more effective at breaking down such barriers have progressed much faster than those that have not. Overall, I do agree with your thesis, though.
Older generations experienced “diversity” in a more physical/tangible way than younger ones. Tensions and biases were higher until people simply started to retreat to their TV sets and (eventually) computers/phones.
I didn’t mean racial/ethnic/cultural tension in what I wrote a couple messages up btw. I meant diversity of thought.
I think cultural diversity is always going to be difficult unless you give people an option to simply “tap out” via the internet
🤔 Yea, I see your point. The frequency of these in-person interactions will undoubtedly play a big role in the cultivation of meaningful online relationships. If you don't mind me asking: how far do you have to travel?
many hours by plane.
but the cases im describing are either:
- company off-sites
- meeting up (with non-coworkers) at conferences.
This is a high quality post. Have a zap.
Yes, I absolutely agree that “friendships” for many have become commodities online. My circle online is very very small for that exact reason. There are 3-4 people I’ve met online (all on Nostr) that I genuinely think are concerned about me enough to stick it out through the shit.
That being said, the other reply to your post also makes an interesting point about choosing one’s own tribe. I would say though, that without the village being physical where life, death, trial and bounty are not shared in the physical sense, it becomes very difficult to reach the same level of knowing and caring that we did when we were a part of our physical communities.
What are your thoughts?
You can be alone in the universe or you can be alone AS the universe...
Hard to give attention to others when your inner world is focused on survival.
Loneliness is a state of mind, a feeling rushing through the body. Learn to surf those waves, less tumble and when you do, let it wash you out
Loneliness really is just nothing more than an idea, that produces an uncomfortable feeling. It can come whether you're alone in the woods, or in a crowd of people. Single or married. So it has nothing to do with being alone.
Most people crave attention (care) from others, in order to change their own thoughts about being alone (eg. no one or everyone loves me kinda thing. If no one cares about me I'm alone, if everyone cares, or understands, or whatever, I'm not alone). This is what drives people to seek out friends and spouses.
However, many people who mediate regularly, over time, once their minds have become very quiet - ie, they really just stop thinking in words, experience an overwhelming feeling of comfort, love, if you will, and love towards many people and things. Including themselves. They just feel alright. It's the antithesis of feeling alone, because you feel just fine, more than fine, on your own. This is very much how people can feel when they feel loved or 'not alone'.
So the direction is opposite than most people are used to. Rather than love and kindness coming from others towards us, making us feel less alone, positive feelings and thoughts emanate from us, out towards others and all things.
Being loved by and cared for and understood and accepted by others is great. It's truly wonderful. But not necessary, and in fact, when you find the love already in you, and it starts to fill you, and radiate out to others, others will love you.
And I'm talking about thoughts and feelings here, which create our perceptions of the world, not metaphysical mumbo jumbo. Nothing spiritual. But profound nonetheless. I'm talking about Zen. I'm talking about the Way.
You are not alone 😃