Modern culture has this absolutely ass backwards idea that marriage is some kind of crowning achievement like getting your master’s degree or some stupid shit like that.
It’s not.
Marriage is a process.
It’s best to meet someone young and grow together with them.
Agree.
Marriage is a means, not an end.
An imagined "marriage" can become an idol, an 'end' in itself. Then one tries to find a person (a means) who can get you that imagined thing (an end). When they don't, they get tossed.
It's the reverse: the person comes first and is the 'end' -- "how do I get more of you?" -- marriage is that means to fuller commitment with *that person*. And vows are made because it's not easy, and there's temptation to give up.
But ultimately, it's not even about us: [Eph. 5:25-32](https://esv.org/eph+5) (esp. verse 32).
> It’s best to meet someone young and grow together with them.
Also worth noting that this doesn't require marriage. P2P commitment sans state certificates = 🤌🤌
Churches marry, too. The state is only involved because property is involved--but you're right--it doesn't need to be.
Covenant > contract.
I also don't need a church (or any other institution) in order to make a committment to another person, but point taken.
My Dad and step-Mom did this; church only, no State.
Sadly, it is still wise to have some third party involved to handle disputes over property (or, tragically, children) in cases of infidelity or abandnment. We still live in a fallen world, and not every relationship has a fairy-tale ending.
In cases of infidelity or abandonment, the man can be dragged into court for his wrong-doing.
Marriage predates both church and state. Abraham's father had a wife. Free contract between individuals needs no higher authority. Though by all means, it is a ceremony most choose to involve all others in their life whom they value, which does typically include churches where applicable -- and often state as well, even if that value comes from a carrot/stick approach on the part of the state.
Doesn't matter when you meet em, what matters is what you achieve together 💗
I don’t know exactly what you’re seeing but it is probably a good sign for someone’s life and thing to celebrate right? Its kind of a ‘getting off-zero’ situation in a way
I’m saying explicitly that people should get married young
Aaah yea agreed! Spoke with my fiancee today that I love the goal of helping my kids get ready for a next generation 10 years earlier than I am doing.
Still marriage is somewhat of a crowning achievement right? In so far as the fact that you don’t stop grinding after a crowning achievement.
It cost me 284 000$ to understand this , and I am grateful for that lesson.
Also finding someone who shares the same interests and is like you. Never seen a marriage that works well, when you look for that.
probably even more so ass backwards is the idea,”waiting to have children is best until you are financially secure”.
Absolutely. I wish I had had children a few years earlier
Pros & cons on this. There are times I wish I’d had them younger (first child when I was close enough to 41), but I was able to retire from the grind at 44, and now I get to see a whole lot more of them than I would have otherwise. Particularly awesome being around all the time for my 18 month old daughter.
I split the difference and had my first at 29, but luckily bitcoin accelerated my retirement by a few years
Marriage is hard work, I think people look at it as an achievement because finding your person/soulmate is a life long search that not everyone finds nor that everyone sets out to do.. but if we are a person that searches for this/finds this we feel completed.
Incorrect
You're opinion.
Finding your soulmate being a lifelong search is some hollywood fairy tale. Love is a choice. Fidelity is a choice. Commitment is a choice.
Well for me it's all I wanted my whole life since a young age, was this life long search to find my person, personally.. Hollywood or not, but I'm a romantic, HOWEVER I do agree with your sentiment that it's all a choice! 💯
for me, marriage is a decision. To walk a path together with the person you love. To improve, develop and definitely argue together, but also to get along. it's about compromise and starting a family together and being there for your children.
before marriage, you are an incomplete part searching to be whole.
Hell yeah. Been 24 years and counting. Best investment we ever made.
Not always best to meet someone when you’re younger, sometimes it takes longer for the process to happen.
I believe everyone will meet the right person at the right time in their lives.
I would say that often it is better to meet young than not
a lot of young people probably rush into marriage and figure out later how hard it is or how that they don’t suit. It’s probably an awareness thing that matters most to the process - not age.
I met my wife 9 years ago when I was at the beginning of the end of a real low point in life. She was a huge part of my healing process and we went through shit together. But damn if our relationship isn’t built on a rock solid foundation
This is the way
The real secret to success in relationships. ( not just marriage but all relationships )
Step one: find someone the least like yourself as possible.
Step two: decide yourself to their wellbeing above all else.
Step three: challenge each other to be the best version of each other every day.
Step four: never quit.
this
nostr:note10vpd3wr5a0lgg624378c7szvmqgha3zwaerfxg66jwlh64e8dhwszlea20
Growing together is the difficult part
A real marriage is work.
📠
like all things you care about in life - you gotta put in the work and show up everyday.
The achievement is staying together until death (hopefully natural).
It isn't a crowning achievement for you, but it is for your parents.
Couldn't agree more..it's bullshit!
What age will you recommend your children to get married?
I recommend my girls 24-26 and my boys 27-30
Those are good ages
for girls, peak SMV is 20-24. i hope my girls can secure the highest quality man when their “purchasing power” is highest
I just think they are not mature enough to make this lifelong decision at 23 or under
so with some years of courtship, we are in alignment
for boys, as soon as they can secure a high quality woman, lock it down, put the boy away and step into manhood/fatherhood
Do you remember yourself in your ealy 20s ? Where you mature enough to get married.
I think a man needs to secure financial stability before getting married too
I think framing the issue in that question misunderstands how we develop.
Brian Harrington did a video awhile back where he talked about some research they did with how many “bytes” of data the brain handles.
TLDR: we only have so much attention and energy, and when we go into marriage, especially with kids, that forces most all of our attention of real grown up shit.
We become responsible through doing it.
This aligns with all the data showing new fathers are by far the most productive people out there.
Dad brain is real.
Nothing motivates and your body psyiologicslly than parenthood.
I think the “financial stability” line of thought just excuses inaction and clinging to a life free of responsibilty, and this a less meaningful life
I like your arguments.
My big problem with marrying too young is not knowing what you want in a spouse.
Though this can be thought.
yeah, which is why parents play such an important part in raising their children to become adults.
it’s a tough road to go on your own as a kid, having to figure it out all on your own, trial and error.
not sure if i would rather have no guidance and learn only through experiecne, or bad guidance but someone in my life. almost sounds like no guidance is preferable to bad guidance 🤷♂️
i put my money on a poor young couple, but a good man and good woman, being better off at 50 than a financially well off couple that fuxked around until they were 35 to start a family
I put my money on a 30M-26F couple with some financial stability versus a poor young couple 23M-21F
perhaps there is a goldilocks sweet spot
but there are other 2nd and 3rd order effects by of delaying launch.
by spreading out generations, we get less overlap. knowing your great grandparent from 0-7 is completely different that knowing them from 0-14, or more.
like how the roman’s made armor out of laminating papyrus, its the tight layers that provide strength, overlapping generations, getting most exposure to all that elder wisdom should not be brushed off as a meh opportunity. especially when we think of that as a cultural phenomenon.
interesting thinking about “when” is best, but I know we are in complete agreement on the what and why. 🫡
Marriage isn’t a grand prize—it’s a lifelong process of growing with someone, not a milestone to check off.
👀
