They aren't competing for those men.
They just think they are.
Female delusion is real.
Discussion
A lot of those guys are in the Groucho Marx Club, too, tho. They wouldn't want to marry any woman who would be willing to have them as a spouse.
This 💯 Too large a percentage of the dating pool needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and reevaluate either what they’re doing/offer, what they are willing to accept in a partner, or accept that they’re going to be single.
Sometimes they trot out a list, like some of the women that they make fun of, and it's like 🤨 Have fun with that, bro.
I call that elimi-dating. I’ve been on dates and observed them where one or both parties are elimi-dating. It’s awful. I’ve had more enjoyable job interviews.
I've overheard some people talk like that about past dates. It's such a weird conversation. Like you said, like they were talking about someone applying for a job that they weren't qualified for.
I’ll be honest and say I’ve talked about dates with friends like the date was a candidate applying for a job they weren’t qualified for. I’ve also been on a date and felt like I’m not qualified to be here, I’ll just excuse myself.
😅
I dated someone like that, for a while. He really liked me, but his whole circle was so Oxbridge posh that I felt like the maid crashing their parties and was like nah. The whole thing was weird.
I had a sweet girl who had overcome a lot and made a lot of progress in life say to me, on a third date, “Eh, I’ll probably fuck this up. I always fuck up the good ones.” It was really sad she thought about herself that way.
It’s sad but it’s also really good to know if a potential partner doesn’t believe they’re capable of changing their behavior patterns.
For sure. It’s amazing how people show and tell us who they are, if only we’ll listen. Admittedly, I had to fight the urge to jump into savior mode (as if). Thank god for the lessons of therapy. I was not surprised by the self-immolation that shortly followed.
Low self-esteem, yeah.
I get it.
Also I haven’t figured out how to tell someone, typically a friend, your list and expectations are batshit crazy in a polite way. I’m taking suggestions.
Male logic: "Don't be daft! That'll never happen! 🙄"
Female logic: "Look here... you'll be searching for a mate your entire life if you hold on to standards such as those. I think, deep down, you know I'm talkin' sense here. I'm only tryin' to help you, love! 🫂"
I have told friends before that the person described in their list doesn’t exist. I’ve also been like ok so what’s the 60-80% of the list that’s really necessary and what are the nice to haves. I’ve also suggested people look at their list and for everything they’re asking for evaluate how they’re bringing that or a complimentary trait to the table.
I've told people they're kidding themselves, but it didn't go over well.
Were you straightforward about it or did ya let 'em down easy?
I'm autistic. I don't really have a "let 'em down easy" mode.
I've always been somewhat speculative about whether my daughter possesses some level of autism. She becomes obsessed with certain things, like a particular song that she'll play on the piano for days (sometimes weeks) on end, or perhaps a painting that she'll try to copy herself to near perfection. She's becoming surprisingly good at playing chess as well. My mum has been teaching her how to play recently. I'll have to get her tested at some point.
Your friends must absolutely adore it when you're constantly correcting them on everything. 😅🤣
In situations like these, or when I’m pretty obviously being elimi-dated (I’m stealing that, BTW), I channel my inner Mark Baum from The Big Short. No, I don’t say it out loud. https://video.nostr.build/cbbde2dd72afd6bfef360d8a9527c682a070e708711e441520cd102197d9335a.mp4
Yes, indeed. I actually just went on my first date in five months last night. My cousin introduced the two of us. Honestly, it was so refreshing to go out with a woman who doesn't stare at you like you're a giant bank account 👀👀👀. Gets old right quick 😂! She's a single parent as well. Works at her local pharmacy. Seein' her again next weekend! 🙏
... lol. I don't get out much. Quite obvious, no?
If he has no money, he has trouble finding a woman who would take him broke. If he has money, he has trouble finding a woman who doesn't just want his money.
Same thing as with female beauty, I suppose.
And good luck! 😊
it's been like 7 years for me... oh, there was one or two things but the girls in question were completely bonkers and the story ended pretty soon after it started
and yes, for much of that time i was homeless and/or broke, and all the girls now are chasing after the boys with the blings and swaggers and anyhow children is hardly even on their mind either so i just didn't bother
plus now i'm 48 almost seems like there's no point at all at all for good
Now, now. No need to sell yourself short, mate.
😂 That's true! Many ladies nowadays pretty much chase any man that fits some type of heavily romanticized stereotype. Female dating standards can be absolutely mental!
well, i'm a long way from being fluent in portuguese as well and i've got a drinking problem that i have to address and right now a problem with my teeth related to food sensitivities so i'm feeling like a bit of a tarder cat, hence the change in my pfp
I thought you just wanted to join the cat-dev leagues. Would need to be purple, tho.
haha, no, i'm actually feeling quite depressed at the moment, not in control of myself and sick
🫂
Well, I hope we're providing some distraction.
it's helping a bit... really the worst thing right now is this wisdom tooth going mad, but i'm also getting a weird reaction all over my body, might be related to having spent half an hour or so out in the sun today lol
definitely the white pepper is part of the thing with the tooth tho... thrown out all the things that were contributing to it except the coffee... gotta be so careful with these things it just sorta sneaks up on you and you step over the threshold and 🤢 and you are there until the processes rebalance
I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, because my teeth were misaligned.
in this case they were mostly straight but the bottom right one back in 2020 half of it fell right off... got taken to a dentist but the dentist said there was nothing wrong with the part that was left behind... but it is more sensitive to certain chemicals, maltodextrin, piperonals, probably caffeine and some kinds of sugars, malts and caramels... maltodextrin sets it off in absolute agony for a whole week... but that all came from longterm exposure to sucralose i think, possibly other artificial sweeteners
really i anyway have to permanently fix the diet but i might go get this tooth yanked anyway after i finish my current assignment, and have a week i can be out of order while the pain goes away... will definitely ask for some analgesics if i do it
oh yeah, and the artificial sweeteners started off this thing with severe tinnitis and double vision (eyes not aligning images correctly) and that is related to a neuromuscular thing, which i am now quite sure is some kind of messed up glucose polymer building up around my nerves (my grandmother had alzheimers which i believe is related to her austro-indonesian heritage and a lifetime of high carb diet)
when i was on the milk diet all these problems with my teeth went away, just the double vision didn't - and that's because of the messed up milk protein from UHT
i still have a fair bit of problem with my vision now but i'm quite sure it's more about my nerves than the optical materials
I get that. It's a visual migraine.
oh, that's a separate thing, maybe somehow related but i don't think so... i used to get it often while dehydrated and from too much energy drinks, can't see properly in the central part of my vision because all these patterns are blinking in and out
no, double vision is from the neuromuscular dysfunction, normally there is a twitch where the eyes move slightly left and right or something like this, but with this happening they are out of sync and don't converge properly, so you get double images, like looks like ~1mm double image of everything, makes text really hard to read, and computer screens especially ones with slow refresh like 60hz the pixels even paint in the wrong position as well as the double vision
i was worrying at first when it started happening last year that it was Wernicke Korsakoff, a disease often associated with heavy alcohol consumption but i'm not actually quite *that* bad and what actually was causing it was artificial sweeteners and stuff like maltodextrin and high fructose corn sugars
the visual migraines are hell though... really can't read at all... the double vision, that's bearable at worst you just increase the size of the text and you can read ok but as i have been resuming carbs in my diet it's coming back worse so it seems like the only way out is milk/carnivore
Yeah, you're right. It was more like blinking and weird tunnel vision, not double.
Yea, I had a rather severe drinking issue for years after I left the service. Then I knocked up my daughters mum and everything changed almost overnight. 🤷♂️
I understand. Alcoholism can make people do some truly loony things. Best of luck with that 👍🙏! For real.
yeah it gets extra complicated with food sensitivities cos the wine is not so bad but i had a couple of local madeira stout last night while hanging out with the most loony people in my neighbourhood playing dominoes and ... yeah... much easier to make a bad call... the malts and the pepper and the chilli and the carbs all have been slowly creeping back and then it's a sock in the jaw like this
my insides feel like hell, as well, and i think i overdid the sun-baking today, my skin feels hot everywhere
Spring is sunburn season.
I'm at an age where more than one glass of wine will leave me hungover for two days. 😅 My partying days are basically over.
Yea, mine as well. I really ain't upset about that, though. My partying days were truly bonkers. LOL! Just some cocky little shit who thought he was better and knew better than everyone. Joining the military only made it worse, for a time 😅. I really only drink once or twice on the weekends now. 🤷♂️
I was never that wild because I married young, but even the little bit I did was enough. 😅
I was WILD! My old man and I got into plenty of arguments over my irresponsibility. I was a touch spoiled. Shouldn't be a shocker 🤷♂️.
Yup, I'm a tad bit jelly that you married young 😅. How young?
I’ve come to the conclusion that male and female dating standards are on the whole wild these days. We all talk like there’s a generally agreed on dating standard that we’re all supposed to know. Meanwhile I’ve seen a woman ask if there’s any tea or red flags about a man and then proceed to share a mugshot. While another woman thinks because she chatted with a guy on a dating app and then they met for coffee 2 weeks ago with no contact since then, that he’s a cheating boyfriend for meeting someone else for coffee. I knew from personal experience how crazy men could be but damn the stories some women tell on themselves is wild to me.
One quick cup of coffee and she thought they were together?! 👀 Sounds like the kind of woman I would expect to see skulkin' about my front gate if we ever met. 😅
I’ve also seen a woman who kept sleeping around on a guy because they hadn’t had the talk. Meanwhile everyone thought of her as this guy’s girlfriend and it was blatantly obvious so did this guy. They’d been dating for months. I recommended she have the talk so they were on the same page but she knew what he was thinking and didn’t want reason to ruin her fun.
I went out on a first date I cut short and the guy thought I was the one. Like weeks later showed up at my doorstep crying at 3am. Then I know guys who are like 40 something thinking maybe I’ll settle down one day.
The dating pool is fair game batshit craziness.
Also I would fully expect that lady to be skulkin’ around the dude but also whichever poor woman he dates next.
There's no normalized standard of behavior, anymore, or rituals, so it's all become very subjective and haphazard.
Very true and I think it makes communication even more important.
The arranged-marriage societies may be on to something.
There’s a really funny comedian who has a bit about her sister choosing an arranged marriage and her choosing a love match. Let me find a clip.
Here’s a short clip. The whole thing is apparently super long.
🤣 She’s a riot.
Be the guy you want to date.