Do you think deep, romantic love has always been rare and we just don't realize that because there's been so many stories told of it?
Or do you think it's become rarer because of the atomization, materialism or etc. of our society?
Discussion
it's always been rare but we have gotten worse at looking for it as well
I suspect it is fleeting but occurs in most serious relationships at some point(s). The type of love changes in character over time. Eros agape etc.💜✌️
Extended passion seems to be an artefact of extended adolescence; the same quality that creates artistic brilliance.
That's probably why I have it: I've never really grown up. I'm stuck forever in fairyland, admiring my gallant knights off to slay dragons, and hoping for a brighter future.
Incorrigible optimism.
Scroll down to the second segment of this eclectic collection for an assortment of personal observations on this vital topic.😆💜
I think the expectation that deep romantic feeling will exist for every couple for all or most of the span of their relationship, is a very modern construct
In the agrarian world I think more emphasis was placed on what a couple could build (family, farm, business, legacy) and less on how the felt
That said, it’s obviously important, especially to women, that this feeling exist, at least early on, as a wellspring of positive regard toward her partner for her to draw from later, when the feeling has faded. Helps her to feel she made the right choice. At least done correctly.
The ease of separation during lows reduces the potential highs, I suspect. So, the height of the highs will partly be a reflection of the perceived permanence of the pairing.
Some people are lindy.
The catch I found was that some of the more passionate relationships I had in my life often had the least potential to build anything lasting
Balancing trusting your feelings with using your brain is what it’s all about
I think differently about passion. I count deeper, less-feverish emotions, now. Profound emotions, including things like security and certainty.
It is rare.
The obsession over it due to idiot poets and playwrites and novelists has twisted the world in a bad way.
That's not so say that it doesn't exist, but, that it was expected to be built, not discovered, abd even if it was never achieved, the foundation built to achieve it is still more solid than very temporary passions that may pass like a dream or are two bad meals away from crashing down.
I detest romanticism in human relationships, if you couldn't tell.
I'm an incorrigible romantic.
You would think experience would have worn me down, but it didn't. Too retarded.
Good.
It wore me down, for sure, though I was never a big romantic to begin with.
I think you're probably better off because of it.
Lol! Yea, I mean... c'mon now. They're just entertainment 🤣. But, there at fault for that. They chose to look at works such as those as if they were guidebooks to finding love. 😅🤷♂️
Meh. Tell that to a tween girl that's just discovered boys and poetry.
It's gross. 🙄
I was that tween. Never progressed from there.
But now you have access to wine and as much chocolate as you can afford, so it's probably worse now, too. 😱
Yeah, especially as my Viking Hero has been so constant, for so long, that it's my reality, now.
I shall simply never wake up.
(Live view of Laeserin, refusing the lonely harshness of the world and waiting for Christ to return.)
It's rare because most people don't know deep romantic love includes a lot of struggle and it's not all rainbows and sunshine every day.
That's true.
And I suppose passion can swing both ways or invert.
Always been rare. For most of history, unbiased love was the exception; the rule was more along the lines of transactional arrangements.
I guess that's why they wrote poems about it.
Poems are a recent construct 🤷♂️
Tell that to the writers of The Epic of Gilgamesh, or Beowulf, or tell it to Virgil, or Shakespeare, or King David
Sagas are technically poetry, but, they are not at all in the same family as what most think of poetry today.
Aristotle wrote The Poetics.
Yes.
But that's not the same thing as oral history preserved in a very specific format that allows for easier rote memorization. It's poetry with a purpose. It's not the same thing as the weirdo ee Cummings or the flowery blech of Yates.
(I hate most poetry, so my bias is showing. I'll shut up now.)
100%
Hard Money values Virtue
Fiat Currency values Vices
Romantic love celebrates Virtue
I think we've forgotten what romantic love means.
A romance in classical and medieval literature is, archetypically, a story that tells about how true love (true in the sense of faithful) overcomes obstacles for the sake of union with the other. At its core, a romance is an adventure.
Now, in life, there is no shortage of opportunities for adventure. What is lacking is individuals willing to embrace the risk, danger, and hardships associated with it.
Almost any marriage that has stood the test of years will have had its trials and adventures. With more people marrying late, or getting divorced, many have been denying themselves the opportunity for romance.
100% on 🎯
There’s no long lasting love with some degree of sacrifice. Few people are willing to make peace with that these days.
I'd even contend that there is no long lasting love without *great* sacrifice. To consistently, throughout your life, make a place for another requires a constant emptying of self.
That is terrifying.
There are rewards for those who embrace the sacrifice, though.
That is more courageously put. 💯
Even “just” the nurturing of awe to rediscover our partner and give them the benefit of the doubt when times get hard - which will keep happening throughout life – that takes a great degree of sacrifice, too.
I suppose marrying young helps me stay romantic. It's been so long, already, that I can barely remember the time before.
I've been with him for half of my life, already. Soon, it'll be most of my life.
The rest grows hazy and doesn't really matter, anymore.
Eventually, there will be no "before".
That is one of the best types of marriage, I think. It is the God-given prerogative of young people to promise away their whole lives before they know any better, and then to live with the consequences.
On the face of things, it's an incredibly stupid arrangement, but it is Very Good.
Probably you won't like my answer but I will say it anyway.
Love has become rarer. The ingredients of love are the exact same ingredients of friendship but people today are too coward and try to deny that.
Malicious actors just try to exploit that insecurity of today's humans. That's how the clownworld and wars are born
Friendship is also rarer, now.
Malicious actors don't try to exploit these insecurities. They have been doing so. In fact, they've nearly perfected it. It's a millenia old practice. Don't get too wound up over it. When it comes to love, both yourself and nostr:npub1m4ny6hjqzepn4rxknuq94c2gpqzr29ufkkw7ttcxyak7v43n6vvsajc2jl are spot on, imo. I would like to add something as well: many people nowadays seem to underestimate the amount of emotional endurance that's required during long-term relationships. They would rather use things such as dating apps that "match" you with others based on what online characteristics they present to you, when in reality it's just better to go out and meet someone and find out all those things during face-to-face interactions. Having some mutual characteristics doesn't mean you'll fall in love in any way 🙄.
“Love is not an emotion; it is an act of the will.” - Ven. Fulton Sheen
Cliches like “falling in love” or “like liking someone” misplace love. They separate the intentionality that love requires and imply it’s something that happens to us instead of something we strive for. Love is not an extreme form of like. You can love and not like. That can even be a higher form of love, like mercy. That’s why no fault divorce (and divorce by its very nature) is mistaken (and I would argue, not actually possible). When one gives themself completely to someone in marriage and says “actually, never-mind, I want a divorce” then what they implicitly say is they never actually fully gave themselves over or are trying to take back something that is no longer theirs.
I think most of us would prefer to like the person we are wedded to, tho. Love and like aren't dichotomies.
Romantic love is when both overlap and we experience desire and companionship. Then it requires less force of will to stay married and procreate, and our matrimonial yoke is light.
Totally agreed. It’s a beautiful thing when there’s that ease of love that stems from both freely choosing each other. The love between the two becomes so real it creates kids 😄
I think it was always rare and might be even rarer now in the era of tinder and OF
Definitely rarer in an over consuming, impatient, high-time preference society.