I never said to anyone I was bullied. I did not leave because of what someone said. I was looking at my own behavior and not liking how I was acting. It’s not because I’m a woman and you’re a man. It is actually possible for someone to have issues going on besides what you see and hear on the internet.
Basically, I never had social media of any kind besides nostr recently. At first, it was such an awesome experience and I truly enjoyed being a part of it, but having access to that many people and that many opinions at once became overwhelming. I started to notice trends and felt pressure to be a part of them.
I think what triggered me was the assumptions and it shouldn’t and it’s not your job to make sure I’m feeling confident with myself. It wasn’t one occasion, but there have been many instances where I have made a joke or said something outlandish and the immediate assumption is to judge and educate me. Contrary to the speculation, I have in depth researched seed oils and actually make an effort to avoid certain ones, but don’t judge myself for missing a label or my patients who cannot afford to change their diet (I know it’s insane to imagine, but I actually have a master’s degree in science and much of that degree was in nutrition).
So why would I care? Why do I let it bother me that my entire life, I have felt automatically placed in a “dumb blonde” box? I still don’t really know. I honestly don’t even know if my own assumption that everyone automatically thinks I’m dumb is even true. I’m a human being and I have flaws. I really don’t mind admitting that. That’s one thing I like about myself, when I see something I don’t like, I’m honest about it and make an effort to change.
Those closest to me know what has been going on in my life offline and I appreciate and adore every one of you. In conclusion, my experience on nostr recently has illumined a new opportunity to grow and work on something I didn’t realize was an issue for me. I just felt like I was all of the sudden interpreting and becoming argumentative over insignificant things and that’s never been who I am. Nostr is not the problem. Men are not the problem. I am. I only have control over how I behave, speak, and interpret life. Lastly, I encourage everyone (myself included) to understand the difference between fact and speculation. There have been many assumptions as to why I left, but the only person who can answer that question with any ounce of objectivity is me.
P.S. I’m fine. I’m smoking a joint in the bathtub reading a book. Please don’t worry about me. Hopefully, I will be back soon when I’m ready.
