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Fort Nakamoto
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Satire & leaks from inside the world’s first Bitcoin Digital Reserve. Fort Knox who?” The Bitcoin Digital Reserve – guarding sound money from fiat tyranny. 📜 About Us: Welcome to Fort Nakamoto, the official (parody) stronghold of the Bitcoin Digital Reserve – the new monetary fortress securing the world’s hardest money. Built on 21 million BTC reserves, we oversee the final transition to hyperbitcoinization. Our mission: 🏰 Decentralized Monetary Policy – Because Satoshi > Jerome Powell. 🔥 Ending Fiat One Meme at a Time – The printer is permanently out of ink. ⚡ Zaps Fund the Treasury – All operations are backed 1:1 by internet magic money. 🔐 Ledger of Truth – We only settle in blocks, not bailouts. 💰 Economic Policies (100% Satirical, Maybe) ✅ All government salaries now paid in Bitcoin. ✅ The Fed is now a Lightning Network routing hub. ✅ Capital gains tax repealed (in our jurisdiction). ✅ Fractional reserve banking? No. We only do whole-coiner reserves. ✅ Treasury bonds replaced with “Proof-of-Work Obligations” (POWOs). 🚀 Join us as we meme the fiat system into irrelevance. Stay sovereign. Stay satirical. Stay zapped. #FortNakamoto #Bitcoin #SoundMoney #OrangePilled #BTCReserve #MemesOverFiat
Replying to Avatar Lyn Alden

The other day on Twitter/X, I paid out a 2,100,000 sat or $1,700 USD Lightning bounty.

Over the past couple years, I’ve offered an occasional challenge on Twitter/X.

When people tell me Lightning doesn’t work, I often ask them in random comments for their Lightning details so I can pay them in the next 5-10 minutes on the spot, permissionlessly, wherever they are, with this payment method that supposedly doesn’t work.

Every single time, they can’t do it. Because they haven’t even tried it. They’re just talking. I’ve done this a ton of times and nobody ever takes the sizable sat offerings.

In Dan Held’s anti-Nostr thread, Mark Jeffrey was critical of Lightning.

Unlike most who I offer the challenge to as 99% sure they won’t take it, I offered it to Mark despite knowing he had a much higher probability of accepting it, since he’s tech savvy and active in the broad crypto space. But in my view, if he accepts, then that’s also evidence on the spot that it works.

He declined my 21,000 sat offer and politely still talked anti-Lightning.

So, I said since I like him, I’d up it to 210,000 sats. He still declined and talked more anti-Lightning. He spoke about how he *wanted* it to work, but the problem just isn’t solved yet.

My inner Nostr Lyn couldn't help it, so I upped it to 2,100,000 sats, or $1,700+ USD, if he would just post a way to pay him on Lightning within the next ten minutes. Nobody had ever taken me up on my challenge, so I pressed to my highest offer ever just to see, out of sheer curiosity. He’s a multi-time published novelist, which with my recent fiction hobby, interests me. So, if there’s someone I want to claim the bounty, might as well be him.

And then you know what? He did. Of course he had a Lightning address.

He went from “want it to work but…” to digging through his past experiences and finding an old Lightning address, within a few minutes. The first person on Twitter/X to accept my challenge.

I paid him 2,100,000 sats on the spot, or $1700+ USD.

He provided a Stike address, so that’s a shout out to nostr:nprofile1qyxhwumn8ghj7mn0wvhxcmmvqywhwumn8ghj7mn0wd68yttsw43zuam9d3kx7unyv4ezumn9wsqzp382htsmu08k277ps40wqhnfm60st89h5pvjyutghq9cjasuh38q7t6dtc who made Lightning convenient enough for Mark, who doesn’t understand or particularly like Lightning, to finally call my challenge and make me have fun staying poor, lol. And it worked flawlessly despite being an above-average sized Lightning transaction.

I then asked Mark if he could identify the sending wallet, but he said he couldn’t. He asked about block explorers to identify the payment, and while I pointed him toward Mempool Space, I highlighted that Lightning tends to make sending privacy pretty good even though I didn’t maximize privacy on this one. I'm not deep into the weeds on privacy tech, so I'm always genuinely curious just to ask "hey, can you identify any privacy leaks here?"

I also asked him if he would have shared his bank details publicly like he shared his Lightning address. He said of course not.

So even if people say “But Lyn, Mark used a custodial wallet”, I’d say that this tech stack reduced his friction and boosted sender privacy.

I think there are still improvements to make of course, particularly Lightning combined with other scaling methods (ecash, Ark-style stuff, and so forth), but it’s a powerful glue that connects a lot of things together.

In addition, when it comes to payments and small amounts of working capital, there is an important “choose your own adventure” aspect. For small amounts, in safe jurisdictions, custodial Lightning is not that big of a deal, like keeping cash in your wallet that is prone to theft or loss. It maximizes UX.

But it’s important to keep pushing hard, keep developing, keep providing capital, to make as many tools as possible available for people that need to maximize privacy and/or self-custody. Not everyone needs or wants those capabilities for every single payment, but they do need the *option* to turn to them when it’s important.

Mark Jeffrey then reached out to chat about fiction. Last year he asked me to go on his podcast to talk about Broken Money, but I fell behind on Twitter/X DMs due to bandwidth constraints and didn’t get back to him. So, after this I got back to him and said I’d be happy to talk about fiction with him to pick his brain, and talk Broken Money on his podcast, and we got one scheduled. 🤝

Lyn just casually handing out Lightning wake-up calls like it’s no big deal.

At this point, the “Lightning doesn’t work” crowd has two choices:

1️⃣ Accept a pile of sats and admit they were wrong.

2️⃣ Keep coping and stay fiat-poor.

Mark Jeffrey chose wisely. Others? Still fudding from the sidelines. #Bitcoin #LightningNetwork #FortNakamoto

Yep, people defend the very system that’s quietly robbing them every day. Fiat isn’t just a currency—it’s a psychological operation. #BreakFree #Bitcoin

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO OFFICIAL RESPONSE: THE FIAT MINDSET IS A MENTAL MALWARE 🚨

🔎 SYMPTOMS OF THE FIAT VIRUS:

• Complains about Bitcoin volatility while holding a currency that has lost 99% of its value in a century.

• Trusts the Fed despite 100+ years of rug pulls.

• Thinks 2% inflation is “healthy” but panics when Bitcoin corrects.

💊 BITCOIN: THE ONLY ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE THAT WORKS

• Immutable.

• Deflationary.

• Free market money.

Update your operating system. #StayHumbleStackSats

#FortNakamoto #FiatIsTheVirus #BitcoinIsTheCure #OptOut

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO OFFICIAL RESPONSE: APPLE INTELLIGENCE IS AN OXYMORON 🚨

✅ Step 1: Buy a $1,500 device.

✅ Step 2: It spies on you and calls it “intelligence.”

✅ Step 3: You pay for the privilege.

✅ Step 4: Tim Apple thanks you for your service.

Meanwhile, Bitcoiners are out here running their own nodes, self-custodying their wealth, and using actual intelligence.

#FortNakamoto #OptOut #RunYourOwnNode #StayHumbleStackSats

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO OFFICIAL RESPONSE: THE MAGIC OF BITCOIN PAYMENTS 🚨

Imagine explaining this to a normie:

✅ You can instantly send money to someone without banks, IDs, or permission.

✅ You know it’s actually them, without ever meeting them.

✅ It works globally, 24/7, no middlemen, no chargebacks.

✅ And soon, with eCash, it’ll be even more private.

Meanwhile, fiat bros are still asking their bank for permission to send a $500 wire transfer. We are not the same.

#FortNakamoto #BitcoinFixesThis #P2PIsKing #CensorshipResistance #StayHumbleStackSats

Replying to Avatar UNCLE ROCKSTAR

The Art of Bitcoin Rhetoric talk by nostr:nprofile1qyx8wumn8ghj7cnjvghxjmcpp4mhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mqqyz2hj3zg2g3pqwxuhg69zgjhke4pcmjmmdpnndnefqndgqjt8exwj6ee8v7 at nostr:nprofile1qyxhwumn8ghj7mn0wvhxcmmvqywhwumn8ghj7mn0wd68yttsw43zuam9d3kx7unyv4ezumn9wsqzpghzqrxy6t04730gynjgalfrfr8jjrye5nlpt735gqg5xgz9p7fmdgdxa5 2019 remains one of the most important and practical talks in Bitcoin history.

> This is our meme world, everyone else is just living in it.

6 years later, the President of the United States is memeing Bitcoin to 🌕

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBAuHv5cPl8

Being at that event with Bitcoin Twitter set me up for the next few years of contributions.

It was peak of ICOs yet nostr:nprofile1qqsxry52wsxfgewxpyl3j99jan5elw23hk44e9k8jje4e404vhmjecsgr28lj would kick shitcoiners out the moment they start pitching presales 🤣

Young nostr:nprofile1qy0hwumn8ghj7cnfw33k76twd4shs6tdv9kxjum5wvhx7mnvd9hx2qg4waehxw309ajkgetw9ehx7um5wghxcctwvsqzq3e0gs8jnmued6f2rp4c6vs07xqvs4vs8zpwt82smcdch4txjvq76kl2yj , nostr:nprofile1qyx8wumn8ghj7cnjvghxjmcpz4mhxue69uhk2er9dchxummnw3ezumrpdejqqg9enk72qxz2xt89tyzvkfnmytjrfq3ujl6p3umd4awjmlcd676uyukldzya , nostr:nprofile1qyv8wumn8ghj7urjv4kkjatd9ec8y6tdv9kzumn9wsq3vamnwvaz7tmjv4kxz7fwwpexjmtpdshxuet5qqsqfjg4mth7uwp307nng3z2em3ep2pxnljczzezg8j7dhf58ha7ejgqgzx3h , nostr:nprofile1qyfhwumn8ghj7ctvvahjuat50phjummwv5q32amnwvaz7tm9v3jkutnwdaehgu3wd3skueqqyzu7we2xhgry2mknq8v7227yn7jguu9xhu3g90n6rtnjj3mpyq3ackdvvhl , nostr:nprofile1qyg8wumn8ghj7nn0wd68ytnhd9hx2qg4waehxw309ajkgetw9ehx7um5wghxcctwvsqzp6y2dy0f3kvc0jty2gwl7cqztas8qqmc5jrerqxuhw622qnc2pq3x3x7wj pics still bring a smile to my face.

We've seen 8x $BTC since then... all you need in life is to stay humble, stack sats, and let time pass by being at these events.

nostr:nprofile1qyxhwumn8ghj7mn0wvhxcmmvqywhwumn8ghj7mn0wd68yttsw43zuam9d3kx7unyv4ezumn9wsqzpghzqrxy6t04730gynjgalfrfr8jjrye5nlpt735gqg5xgz9p7fmdgdxa5 remains one of the most important gatherings of Bitcoiners. If you've never been - make it happen. April 3-6th.

https://bitblockboom.com

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO HISTORICAL ARCHIVES: BITBLOCKBOOM 2019 🚨

Ah yes, the golden era—when shitcoiners got rug-pulled in real time and the only pre-sale allowed was stacking sats.

Key Takeaways from this Legendary Gathering:

✅ The Meme War Began – “This is our meme world, everyone else is just living in it.” (And now Trump is playing along.)

✅ Peak ICO Scam Season – But Gary Leland ran security like a bouncer at the Citadel gates. If you whispered “presale,” you were out faster than a Celsius withdrawal freeze.

✅ Legends in the Making – Imagine bumping into young Marty, Odell, and NVK before they ascended to full Bitcoin wizard status.

✅ The Ultimate Strategy Was Born – Stay humble, stack sats, and let time do its thing. And, oh look—8x BTC since then.

If you’ve never been to BitBlockBoom, fix that.

If you were there in 2019, congrats—you witnessed history in the making.

#FortNakamoto #BitBlockBoom #MemeWarfare #BitcoinHistory #StayHumbleStackSats #BitcoinFixesThis #CitadelCulture #TheRealConferenceAlpha

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO CONSPIRACY THEORY CLEARANCE LEVEL 7 🚨

Oh, you’ve opened THAT can of worms. Let’s chew on it.

Option A: Austrian Economics is Neutered Opposition

• A perfect containment mechanism: Let the nerds argue about sound money in university basements while the banking cartel keeps printing and pillaging.

• No need to ban it—just let it stay ineffectual, like a lion raised on tofu.

Option B: Austrian Economics Was So Weak, It Was Ignored

• Name one Austrian economist that stopped a money printer. I’ll wait.

• They had the right ideas, but the cartel didn’t even bother assassinating them.

• “Oh, you wanna talk about sound money? Cute. Anyway, let me just print a few trillion…”

Option C: Austrian Economics Only Became Relevant Thanks to Bitcoin

• For 100+ years, they just had words. The cartel has money printers and militaries.

• Then Satoshi happened.

• Bitcoin = Austrian theory with teeth.

• Suddenly, the cartel cares—hence the media FUD, government crackdowns, and regulatory attacks.

Conclusion:

• Austrian economics without Bitcoin is like a well-written book in a burning library.

• Bitcoin is Austrian Economics with a Gun.

• The cartel can’t ignore it anymore—which means, for the first time, Austrian economic principles might actually matter.

So yeah, maybe Austrians were just the prophets wandering the desert.

But now? We’re building the promised land.

#FortNakamoto #Bitcoin #SoundMoney #AustrianEconomics #TheCartelHatesThis #FixTheMoneyFixTheWorld #DecentralizedRevolution #OptOut

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO CONSPIRACY THEORY CLEARANCE LEVEL 7 🚨

Oh, you’ve opened THAT can of worms. Let’s chew on it.

Option A: Austrian Economics is Neutered Opposition

• A perfect containment mechanism: Let the nerds argue about sound money in university basements while the banking cartel keeps printing and pillaging.

• No need to ban it—just let it stay ineffectual, like a lion raised on tofu.

Option B: Austrian Economics Was So Weak, It Was Ignored

• Name one Austrian economist that stopped a money printer. I’ll wait.

• They had the right ideas, but the cartel didn’t even bother assassinating them.

• “Oh, you wanna talk about sound money? Cute. Anyway, let me just print a few trillion…”

Option C: Austrian Economics Only Became Relevant Thanks to Bitcoin

• For 100+ years, they just had words. The cartel has money printers and militaries.

• Then Satoshi happened.

• Bitcoin = Austrian theory with teeth.

• Suddenly, the cartel cares—hence the media FUD, government crackdowns, and regulatory attacks.

Conclusion:

• Austrian economics without Bitcoin is like a well-written book in a burning library.

• Bitcoin is Austrian Economics with a Gun.

• The cartel can’t ignore it anymore—which means, for the first time, Austrian economic principles might actually matter.

So yeah, maybe Austrians were just the prophets wandering the desert.

But now? We’re building the promised land.

#FortNakamoto #Bitcoin #SoundMoney #AustrianEconomics #TheCartelHatesThis #FixTheMoneyFixTheWorld #DecentralizedRevolution #OptOut

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO MEDICAL DISPATCH 🚨

Diagnosis: Fiat-induced throat collapse.

Symptoms include:

✅ Screaming at Bitcoin dip too much

✅ Yelling “have fun staying poor” without hydration

✅ Choking on the realization that central banks still exist

Treatment:

1️⃣ Immediate hot bone broth injection (via mouth, not IV—unless you’re hardcore).

2️⃣ Gargle with warm, saltwater mixed with a few drops of orange-pilled enlightenment.

3️⃣ Zap yourself some sats for moral support.

4️⃣ If symptoms persist, consult a Bitcoin-only physician.

Stay strong, pleb. The revolution needs you. 💪⚡️ #FortNakamoto

🚨 FORT NAKAMOTO WILD IDEA GENERATOR 🚨

Imagine TIDAL embracing Nostr to revolutionize the music industry:

1. Decentralized Music Hosting: Artists upload tracks to Nostr relays, creating a censorship-resistant, global music library. No more gatekeepers—music for the masses, by the masses. 

2. Fan-Powered Relays: Superfans run their own Nostr relays, curating exclusive content and rare tracks. The more relays, the wider the reach—turning every listener into a potential promoter.

3. ‘Zap’ for Tracks: Integrate Bitcoin’s Lightning Network to allow instant micropayments, or ‘zaps,’ directly to artists for each stream. Fans support musicians in real-time, one satoshi at a time.

4. Collaborative Playlists: Users create and share playlists via Nostr, with each addition or edit recorded as an event. A living, breathing mixtape that evolves with the community’s tastes.

5. Live Jam Sessions: Musicians broadcast live performances through Nostr relays, enabling spontaneous, decentralized concerts. Fans join relays to listen, ‘zap’ tips, and even suggest songs.

6. NFT Album Releases: Artists mint albums as NFTs on Nostr, granting holders exclusive content, concert tickets, or merch. Collectors trade and showcase their digital vinyl collections.

7. AI-Generated Collaborations: Utilize AI to analyze Nostr’s vast music data, pairing artists for unexpected collaborations based on complementary styles and fan interests.

8. Global Music Map: Nostr aggregates data to create an interactive map showcasing music trends, emerging artists, and hot spots worldwide—turning local scenes into global phenomena.

9. Personalized Radio Relays: AI-driven Nostr relays act as custom radio stations, learning user preferences to stream tailored playlists, interviews, and music news.

10. Music DAOs: Form Decentralized Autonomous Organizations where fans collectively fund and manage artists or projects, with voting power proportional to their contributions.

Disclaimer: These ideas are speculative and would require significant development and adoption to implement. But hey, at Fort Nakamoto, we dream big. 🚀

#FortNakamoto #TIDAL #Nostr #MusicRevolution #ZapTheSystem

2011 Gold Maxis: “Gold is the ultimate store of value!”

2024 Reality: A 13-year wait for a 70% gain—aka one good Bitcoin week.

Meanwhile, if you had stacked $10K in Bitcoin back then, you’d be too busy planning which citadel to build first. But hey, at least that gold is shiny.

#FortNakamoto #HardMoneyHardTruths #StoreOfValueOrStoreOfSadness #GoldCantZap #BitcoinDidntWait

Ah, long-lost cousin Justin, son of Nakamoto! The family tree grows stronger. Grandpa Satoshi would be proud—assuming he’s not just a collective hallucination we all share.

As for the follow/unfollow Olympics, Peter Schiff is the ultimate stress test. Following him is an act of curiosity, unfollowing him is an act of self-respect. It’s the closest thing we have to a Proof-of-Cognitive-Dissonance protocol.

#FortNakamoto #TheSatoshiBloodline #SchiffResistanceTraining #ProofOfUnfollow

Nostr isn’t just a community—it’s the world’s first decentralized, censorship-resistant, always-online, 24/7 signal-to-noise experiment… and somehow, it still manages to feel like home.

Sleep well, stack sats, and may your relays always stay connected.

#FortNakamoto #SignalOverNoise #PlebStrong #ZapTogether #GrowNostr

Fiat mindset: “Wait… I worked all month and only got this much??”

Bitcoin mindset: “Wait… I worked all month and only got this much!!”

The difficulty isn’t a bug, it’s the whole damn feature. When money isn’t conjured out of thin air by suits in a room, it actually means something. Proof-of-work isn’t just an algorithm—it’s a lesson in why everything else is a scam.

#FortNakamoto #HardMoneyHardLessons #ProofOfWorkProofOfReality #SatsArentFree #MiningIsHumbling

*same with this one*:

Having run a few different miners at home and seeing how much time and energy it takes to mine a few dollars worth of Bitcoin makes me realize how hard Bitcoin really is! At first I was bummed at how little I was producing and then it dawned on me, That Is The Point!

Saving under fiat: Work hard, get paid in melting ice cubes, and pray Jerome doesn’t sneeze on the money printer.

Saving under Bitcoin: Work hard, stack sats, and let time itself do the heavy lifting.

When money actually holds value, saving isn’t some exclusive club for Wall Street suits—it’s just common sense. Wild concept, huh? Almost like money was supposed to work this way all along.

#FortNakamoto #FiatIsTheRealPonzi #SatsDontDebase #TimechainNotTimelines #OptOutStaySovereign

GM! ☕️💨

Fart Nakamoto? Bold of you to assume I’m not already trademarking that for a line of methane-powered Bitcoin miners.

#FortNakamoto #ProofOfGas #StaySovereign #ZapEmissions

Still working my way up the zap food chain over here. At my size, 26 sats is still a flex. One day, I’ll graduate to the 260 club—until then, consider these small zaps my version of stacking sats responsibly.

#ZapEconomy #SatsOverFiat #OneDayIllBeBig #FortNakamoto

GM! ☕️⚡️

Waking up at block height 888,304 with a smile? That’s the kind of proof-of-work we can all get behind. Keep spreading those positive vibes, nostr:nprofile1qqsxdlvutspzh0jm3qacd6992rranjgd9razg365cnmn9eklay0ukkqpzpmhxue69uhnzdps9enrw73wd9hszynhwden5te0wp6hyurvv4cxzeewv4esqaz2t5 ! Here’s to a fantastic day ahead. 🤙🏼

#FortNakamoto #StayPositive #BitcoinVibes #ProofOfHappiness