it just isnt a good reason to feel lonely
is the jam that can be slipped out of
that is an internal thing and issue
and it isnt good to use other people for that
so yea if that's helpful to anyone,
that's that and it is helpful to me when i remember that and return to that, the remembering
im just saying i dont think it is nice to be like: thanks to you i feel like more of a person
im pretty sure that is objectifying
like thanks for being into me that helps remind me that i am a human woman on earth person
why i am saying this is cos if i ask myself
ok lonely who gives a fuck
friends exist
when it is about not friends
more than friends
and i ask why
i dont have a good reason
like, i wanna be a priority like im king of the fucking universe
that doesnt sound very nice
and ultimately yea it isnt about being a priority as much as it is about validation
objectively, i know this isnt rare rare like psych wise people have said like: you bring out the man in me or whatever
and that is a validation thing
ok im back to share something else really unflattering about me
merry christmas or whatever
and also, this may be helpful for anyone else in a jam, or maybe not, maybe it is a weird workaround solution that works for few or just me
it is unflattering objectively
it isnt a nice thing to feel or think, im not recommending it, im just saying, like yea use if in a really tight jam im just saying it isnt attractive or complimentary to anyone involved, think about it long enough, and def highly offensive and objectifying to the other party
anyway,
when i am excruciatingly lonely, i ask myself: how much of my idea of being in a relationship is about gender validation
as in, soothing
being validation, too. 'i guess i am a being enough that someone wants to hang out a lot. at least made it to family pet status.'
is that not lowkey on some sociopath shit and also objectifying or what
like thanks for being the presence that validates me by wanting to cuddle that's crazy
half the time i hear about bitcoin🤣
https://blossom.primal.net/8baf598d7c2a2959cf5a572a80e481b42b3239bdcc6701c492f11b9c5c5033b5.mov
The Long Hope (2025) trailer
Director: Elspeth Victoria Fitzgerald
Written by: Karhiio John Kane
https://blossom.primal.net/34816140f4ea0df6a3635041f477efced1d175adbc2555e4ed47f047fb73424d.mov
Acknowledgement: Steven T. Newcomb, Peter P. d'Errico
https://blossom.primal.net/8d89ee2c350bd9131ca7b90d523ba971fe37281c10f846f971b2a1c7129cf778.mov
The Long Hope (2025) trailer
Director: Elspeth Victoria Fitzgerald
Written by: Karhiio John Kane
https://blossom.primal.net/34816140f4ea0df6a3635041f477efced1d175adbc2555e4ed47f047fb73424d.mov
maybe im supposed to dip into heated rivalry tonight or listen to sufjan's tonya or it is something else entire could be anything
i already had a bath 😌
and when i came outside, the most extraordinary thing! a deer was standing on the ice! of the vernal pond! they ~always~ walk around it. but this one was like an iceskater.
it isnt a big pond. it is easy to walk around and there is more cover it is safer. this ~is~ a big deal.
as far as im concerned, i just located my birthday inside this year, so relative to my personal clock, it is early december
fr fr and entirely actual:
what am i doing for new years?
~absolutely nothing~
i dont celebrate most holidays. and this is one of them. not in a workaholic way. not in a pity way. i can have new years any night of the year that i want. why would i choose tonight.
b: killjoy
a: yes. at your service.
a: at this point either way
b: what do you mean
a: the whole thing in any context honestly
b: gonna be ripped
a: off your ass? sphincter? what do you mean
b: whole body
a: ok so like collision a train train i can call someone
b: to join?
a: are you planning to hurt yourself?
b: no im not gonna feel a thing
a: wait
b: cos of the rails
a: the lines?
a: should i call someone? do you need me to call someone?
b: for the train?
a: yea cos of your plans this is like, premeditated, planning
b: how else do you have a train
a: oh ok so you mean .. got it not like choo choo
b: yea choo choo
a: wat
b: what
title: setting a poor example
description: a micro-fiction in anon dialogue
a: so. what are your new years plans?
b: railed
a: wait like trains
b: yea
a: wait which kind of train
b: yea
a: ok so not lines tho
b: them too
a: idk what we are talking about
i have it on good authority, the eyes embedded in my face, that those are puppies and they are little.
Just waiting for the littles to open their eyes!
https://video.nostr.build/ef9656599550a5d3682ac605abaea6724a824c28b75b07140719e0a66c98127b.mp4
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
and if it doesnt
then cool
its free
its waymaking (aries north node)
🎶making my way downtown🎶 my way
if it allows for insights, if it gets some de-misogyny going, if it allows more space for dramatics, proves the efficacy of histrionics, sanctifies the existence of moods, inspires release in what was otherwise oppressed or castigated,
then cool
anyway, if me writing with no regard entirely deranged allows any safety or cover or foundness or diversion or space or place or permission for anyone else out here
then cool
natives just eat the three sisters
they are not born with a taste driven palate maybe
like lol
god native racism is so fucking stupid