Narcissists are incapable of honesty and never truly happy. For them, happiness is an impossible concept—off-limits, nonexistent. What you "see" is a fabrication, a mirage, smoke, and mirrors.
I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow. After openly abusing and tormenting you—while everyone sees but pretends not to—they discard you brutally, only to seemingly find happiness with someone else.
But know this: it’s an illusion. They are never truly happy. They are constantly juggling partners ("supply"), cheating, lying, covering their tracks, and arguing whenever they are questioned or exposed. They live in fear that, at any moment, their carefully constructed facade could crumble, revealing their truth for all to see. And eventually, it will.
They will live in misery. As they age, no one will want to be around them. Old narcissists are the ones whose children refuse to call them, whose friends and family have long since walked away.
You will never truly understand them. You will never receive the love and security you once sought from them. Your mind is weaving a narrative—one filled with longing and pain. Feel it in your body, your heart, your throat, your clenched fists, your stomach. A deep sob within you is waiting to be released. Visualize those areas letting go of the tension. Send love and light to them. Breathe deeply. Do this for a few minutes every day to reclaim your energy. Right now, focusing on your ex and their "new supply" is draining your precious life force.
It’s jealousy’s addictive story pulling you in. I know it feels like you need to make sense of it all—but you never will. Your mind is spinning a false narrative of "What if?" and "Why me?"
You have likely suffered emotional wounds from your time with this person. The damage caused by toxic manipulation can leave victims unsure of how to be happy again.
But those wounds can heal.
What should you do?
First, maintain your separation from your ex forever. Never think you’ve healed enough to sustain any kind of "healthy" relationship with them. Never meet up with them. Never follow them on social media. Withdraw from any social circles that involve them. Block them everywhere. If you still know what’s happening in their life, you haven’t set the right boundaries. Do more blocking, more distancing. Remove them from your world permanently.
One day, you will be healed enough that seeing or hearing about them won’t affect you—but you don’t need to know when that day will come. Just cut them out. Don’t live in fear of your ex. You don’t live in fear of mosquitoes, but you still keep screens on your windows.
And then, move forward and build an amazing life. If you stay sad and lonely, your defenses will weaken, leaving you vulnerable to more pain and abuse. Make new friends. This is crucial for healing—but avoid romance until you’ve fully healed. You will heal. And when you do, new romantic opportunities will open up for you.
#NarcissistsAbuse
#YouDeserveBetter
#tiidijanecu
Narcissists will never tell you the truth. They won’t admit they are liars, cheaters, and manipulators. They won’t apologize for anything—instead, they will blame you for everything. They won’t tell you how they worked behind your back to sabotage you, badmouth you, or make it seem like you were the problem in the relationship.
They are frauds. They do not love you. They see you only as an object, something they own. They lie about everything—even when they accuse you of things like cheating, stealing, or being secretive, they’re often the guilty ones. The truth is, they are with you because of what you have or what you can do for them. They see you as disposable—as long as you serve their needs, they keep you around. But the moment they feel you are no longer useful or that you’re not fulfilling their expectations, they leave. And believe this: while they were devaluing you, they were already securing new sources of supply. That’s why it seems like they “move on” so quickly. In reality, they had multiple backups ready long before they discarded you.
They hate you, but they still need you—for now. That’s why they stay a little longer. They constantly compare you to the next best victim and their past supply. They use you, cheat on you, envy you. They were never truly in a relationship with you. They enjoy your pain, despise your happiness, and they don’t even want to touch you.
Ending things with you is easy for them because, in their mind, there was never a real relationship to begin with. They never gave—they only took. They get tired of keeping up their fake persona. It’s exhausting for them to pretend to be someone they’re not, and eventually, they decide it’s no longer worth the effort. By then, they’ve drained you so much that you’re of no use to them anymore.
When you start sensing they’re about to discard you, they might linger just a little longer—because they love the drama. They enjoy the chaos they create. It fuels their twisted mind.
Remember this: they fed you exactly what you craved, because that was their bait. That’s how they trapped you. And now? The game is over. It was never about you—it was always about them.
The relationship they sold you on? It never existed. It was never real. In their world, true emotional connection doesn’t count and never will. A narcissist is incapable of feeling because their brain never fully developed in the regions responsible for love, empathy, and compassion.
They will forget you like last night’s dinner, as if you never existed. And they won’t care. To them, you’re just someone they used to know.
But you are smart. You are kind. And they are no longer worthy of having you as their toy.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#YouDeserveBetter
#tiidijanecu
Narcissists Love Jumping from Relationship to Relationship
They will do everything possible to win you over, only to lose interest as soon as you commit to them.
Narcissists struggle to accept their flaws and avoid resolving relationship issues. Instead, they find it easier to break up and immediately move on to someone else.
They see relationships as a way to receive the praise they crave or as a stage to exert power. If they believe another relationship offers more benefits, they will likely switch without hesitation.
A narcissist would rather disappear than face you.
They may also end relationships to feel a sense of control over you, hoping to put you in a position where you beg them to stay.
This time, SURPRISE THEM... Don’t fall for it!
#narcissisticabuse
#notthistime
#tiidijanecu
Narcissists often continue monitoring you after you leave them—or even if they discard you—for the following reasons:
1. They Want to Keep You as a Backup Option
Whether you left them or they left you, one thing is certain: they already have a backup supply, even if it's just their flying monkeys. Narcissists thrive on having multiple sources of validation. Once you're gone, it becomes a matter of rearrangement. Someone else moves into the primary position, another into a tertiary role, and so on. If you remain connected to them in any way, it makes it easier for them to access you in the future when they need to use you again.
2. They Enjoy Watching You Suffer
Seeing you struggle provides narcissistic supply. Even if you initiated the breakup, you’re likely going through emotional turmoil—crying, feeling down, withdrawing from social interactions. You might find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, fall behind on projects, or lose your composure in public. Some narcissists feed off this, as it inflates their sense of importance. They love knowing you're suffering without them. After all, in their minds, you deserve it. If you start to heal, they will sense it and may try to devalue you again—perhaps even manipulate your moments of weakness to pull you back in, only to discard and punish you once more.
3. They See You as an Object—Something They Own
Narcissists don’t view people as individuals with emotions, hopes, and dreams. They see them as objects. Even if you’ve made it clear you’re done, they may still perceive you as their possession. Watching you is their way of keeping tabs on what they consider "theirs."
4. When They Can’t Control You, They Try to Control How Others See You
This is a form of damage control.
A narcissist fears exposure—the unmasking of their true self. Now that you’re gone, they’re terrified their fabricated version of reality will collapse like a house of cards. How can they maintain their idealized self-image if you've left? In their mind, you become “all bad.” They need to know what you’re saying and doing. They look for ways to discredit you, paint you as a liar, and smear your reputation to others.
Does a Narcissist Hope for Contact?
A narcissist might expect you to reach out, but they don’t hope for it.
Why do they expect it? Because they’ve experienced this cycle before. They discard you, or you discard them, and after a few days or weeks, you reunite with intense passion and urgency. Even if they haven’t experienced this with you, they likely have with someone else. Plus, they assume everyone wants to be with them—including you—and that you’ll eventually return.
Why don’t they hope for it? Because to them, you were just an object—a source of narcissistic supply. Right now, they’re getting that supply elsewhere, from someone else.
It was never about you.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#YouDeserveBetter
#tiidijanecu
The Monstrous and Truly Evil Nature of a Narcissist
A narcissist’s monstrous and truly evil nature breaks through all barriers and comes to the surface once they are done with you—whether because you’ve seen through them, they’ve lost control over you, or you no longer serve their purpose. They will go to insane lengths to hurt you or sabotage your healing, all with one goal in mind: to keep you trapped where they left you and maintain control.
When dealing with narcissists, it is crucial to understand their behavioral patterns, especially after they decide they’re done with you. Narcissists exhibit different tendencies once they feel they’ve lost control, lost interest, or faced rejection in a relationship. When a narcissist is finished with you, they often engage in a series of actions aimed at maintaining power and inflicting harm.
Recognizing these patterns is key to understanding and coping with the aftermath of a relationship with a narcissist. It allows you to protect yourself and move forward toward healing.
They Treat You Like a Stranger
A narcissist will treat you like a complete stranger once they’re done with you, once you’ve inflicted a major ego wound, or once they realize you know exactly who and what they are. They sever any emotional attachment as if it never existed. The truth is, it never did. It was all a lie. Now that there’s no longer a reason to keep up the act, they become as cold as stone, refusing to acknowledge your presence.
After discarding you, they act as if you are their worst enemy. Your life with them turns into a terrifying battlefield. Their rage erupts, and you are left in shock at how your partner or even a parent suddenly seems to forget that there was ever a connection between you. With no respect for anything, the experience is deeply unsettling, leaving you confused and devalued.
They Become Your Worst Enemy
As I mentioned before, narcissists become your worst enemies. They have no regard for the fact that there was once a relationship between you. They will use every tool at their disposal to destroy you. This could mean launching extensive smear campaigns, targeting your finances, or isolating you in the workplace. Nothing is off-limits because they are willing to sink to any level to hurt you.
They have no fear of escalating things into full-scale warfare if it means winning or regaining control. A toxic, enraged narcissist will continue to pour hatred onto you with one goal in mind: to punish you. To do so, they will hurl insults, belittle your achievements, or constantly criticize your actions—if they still have access to you.
In Extreme Cases
In extreme cases, they may even resort to stalking, harassment, hacking your devices, or physical aggression. All of this proves one thing: they have zero regard for your feelings, your well-being, or your rights. This immoral, antisocial, and disgusting behavior is a clear sign of their lack of empathy, their need for control, and their deep-seated desire to dominate others.
They Blame You for Everything
Narcissists are masters of the blame game. When a relationship or family unit falls apart, they paint you as the villain. Every argument, every disagreement, every issue—in their eyes, you are the sole cause of it all. They take no responsibility for anything and instead play the victim.
They will tell this story to friends, family, or anyone who will listen, portraying themselves as the innocent party and you as the destructive force.
They Pretend to Be Happy with Someone Else
This is one of the most painful aspects of dealing with a narcissist who pretends to have moved on. The truth is, they never truly "move on" because they were never really present in the first place. They don’t connect, commit, or invest in relationships in a genuine way.
Once they discard you or you leave them, they quickly replace you with a new person. They flaunt this new relationship, making sure you see it, hoping to trigger jealousy or regret. They flood their social media with pictures and stories carefully crafted to make it seem like they’ve found the perfect partner.
The underlying message is clear: they’re thriving without you, and it’s your loss. But you and I both know the truth—narcissists are the least desirable people. Their lives are nothing more than a performance, one that deserves pity. Because even after leaving you, they remain driven by their deep-rooted insecurities and shame. Instead of reflecting and working on themselves, they are obsessed with proving you wrong.
They’re Never Really Done with You
The irony is, even when a narcissist is "done" with you, they’re not really done. Their focus remains on you. Whether they try to destroy your reputation, manipulate your emotions, or harm you in some way, their obsession doesn’t end.
The best way to deal with this? Minimize risk, protect yourself, secure your position, and most importantly—ignore them. They are not worth your energy.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#YouDidNothingWrong
#tiidijanecu
When you stop communicating with a narcissist, they absolutely hate it. They see it as rejection, and it makes them feel terrible. To them, it signals that they are not important or valued.
They put so much effort into manipulating and controlling you, trying to make you dependent on them. But when you cut off contact, they are shocked. They tried everything to keep you hooked, but it didn’t work. That makes them feel worthless.
And if you not only ignore them but also move on and live your best life, that really gets to them. Towards the end of the relationship, they convinced themselves that you were the problem. But when you thrive without them, it shatters their false narrative.
However, cutting off contact and moving on isn’t always easy. They won’t let you go easily because it threatens their illusion. They might stalk you, try to harm you, or sabotage your life. They want to be seen as the perfect person, and your success proves otherwise. They can’t stand that.
So, they might come back, trying to ruin things for you. That’s what narcissists do. You need to keep moving forward, rising higher and higher so they can’t drag you down. Keep progressing so they can’t reach you. That’s how you succeed and leave them behind.
The way to truly destroy a narcissist’s ego is simple: focus on yourself. Become the person you were before you met them—the person they were drawn to—but an even better version. When they see you thriving and you refuse to let them back in, it will crush them. Narcissists can’t handle rejection. They can’t handle being ignored. Especially by someone they believe they should still have control over.
Narcissists enjoy breaking you down. They enjoy your suffering. It gives them satisfaction. So the last thing they want to see is you rebuilding yourself. What truly destroys their ego is realizing their efforts to break you were in vain. Their plan failed. They didn’t get the outcome they wanted. Instead, you’re more successful, you look better, and you’re in a better place than when they first met you. That kills them inside.
At this point, they might try to come back—because they want that version of you again. But if they can’t have it, it will break them.
You don’t need revenge. You don’t need to expose them. Let karma handle that. Narcissists care deeply about their image, even if they pretend otherwise. And karma will catch up with them.
They probably already experienced a narcissistic injury—something you didn’t do that they expected you to do. That’s why they anticipate a reaction from you now, maybe even a fight. But don’t give them that satisfaction. Give them silence. Let them act like the emotional five-year-olds they are.
Narcissists are unhappy people who feel nothing and lack guilt or remorse. They are deeply damaged. Seeking revenge won’t make you a better person. They will try to turn people against you, manipulate others into believing you are the problem. But smart people will see through them.
Let them go their way while you invest all your energy into improving yourself. They are not worth your thoughts, your attention, or your energy. How can you hurt someone who is emotionally hollow? You can’t. It would be a waste of your time.
If you want to feed a narcissist’s ego, show them your pain. Show them how much they hurt you. But why would you do that? Why would you make them happy?
Your real revenge is ignoring them, blocking them everywhere, erasing them from your mind, improving your life, and surrounding yourself with people who truly appreciate your worth.
Enjoy the peace, joy, and freedom that come after cutting ties with a narcissist. And if moving forward seems overwhelming right now, start with small positive steps every day. You’ll be amazed at how those small changes add up over time.
The more you focus on rebuilding yourself, the less time and energy you’ll have to look back or seek revenge.
One day, you’ll look back and wonder why you ever wasted a single minute on them.
Their journey is theirs to deal with. Let them handle it alone.
#NarcissistAbuse
#MovingOn
#tiidijanecu
Do Narcissists Think About You During No Contact?
No matter what, narcissists are still human. So, if a narcissist doesn’t expect you to be strong, doesn’t think you’ll stand up for yourself, and believes you’ll simply accept their abuse, then yes—they will think about you, even if you’re in No Contact.
But here’s the thing: that shouldn’t bother you. You’ve finally chosen yourself, and they can think whatever they want. By avoiding any contact, you strengthen yourself, reinforce your ability to stay away from them, and ensure they never have any influence over you again. This is how you move from being a survivor to someone who rises above—a stronger, more advanced version of yourself.
From the narcissist’s perspective, yes, you cross their mind. You spent time together, shared a part of your life, maybe even built a life together. So yes, they think about you. They might even miss you. They could still be obsessed with you. They may try to reconnect by reaching out to your friends or family. Some might even use fake phone numbers just to check in on your life.
Many people who have dealt with narcissists want to feel like they mattered to them. Well, chances are—you did. But does that mean you should go back? Absolutely not. That’s not the sign you should be looking for to give that toxic person another chance. If you’re even considering returning to that relationship, this is not the sign you need.
Just because they think about you when you’re in No Contact doesn’t mean you should reach out. Even if they miss you, that doesn’t mean you should reconnect. If you don’t cut contact, the narcissist assumes you’re okay with everything they did to you.
They believe you’ve forgiven them. They assume you can handle everything they put you through. And why wouldn’t they? Why wouldn’t they think you’re fine with it if you keep going back, if you keep trying to reach out? If you’re still trying to communicate, they assume you just needed time to realize that you’re willing to tolerate their abuse again.
Stay strong. Stay No Contact. Choose yourself.
#narcissistabuse
#ichooseme
#tiidijanecu
Hidden (or covert) narcissists are the hardest to spot, mainly because they don’t exhibit obvious signs of grandiosity.
However, rest assured that they are just as grandiose as any other type of narcissist—their behavior simply manifests in a more secretive way rather than through open displays, as seen in overt narcissists.
But there is one trait all narcissists share, which makes identifying covert narcissists much easier: they are driven by hatred.
This makes them easier to detect because hatred leaves visible clues—if you know what to look for. You cannot feel hatred without an underlying urge to destroy something or someone.
That is why covert narcissists engage in tearing others down, degrading, humiliating, betraying, gossiping maliciously, inflicting emotional, mental, and even physical abuse—all with a sense of satisfaction. Their hatred fuels their actions.
So, covert narcissists are no less filled with hatred than any other form of narcissism. It’s not uncommon to come across a malignant covert narcissist—one who is highly deceitful, cunning, and deeply destructive.
The definitions of different types of narcissism can be blurry. A hidden narcissist can transform into an overt one when they find the right audience. Likewise, we often see shy, reserved narcissists explode in grandiose displays under the right conditions.
How to Identify a Hidden Narcissist
What are the telltale signs?
The most prominent indicators are an emotional tendency toward hatred and an intense need to destroy someone—in any way possible.
Unlike overt narcissists, who openly express their need to degrade others, covert narcissists do it subtly and strategically, aiming for maximum impact.
They execute their destruction through a hot-and-cold dynamic, slowly pushing you toward self-doubt and disappointment—either in yourself or in others.
You might expect them to show kindness, decency, respect, or empathy, yet they consistently fail to deliver—whether intentionally or not.
They delay commitments or break promises.
They are never there when you need them.
They ignore important things that matter to you.
They always seem “too busy” with other things.
They suddenly disappear.
They pretend to be clueless or incompetent at the worst moments.
They act deaf, blind, mute, helpless, sick, distracted—whatever serves their purpose of passive destruction.
In essence, a covert narcissist inflicts harm by doing nothing.
If you find yourself hurt, insulted, or mistreated by others, the covert narcissist will be nowhere to be found. In fact, their hatred toward you will often manifest in the most twisted way—by befriending those who hurt you, talking to them, having coffee with them, or even becoming intimate with them.
After such experiences, you will feel deep disappointment in these individuals, which is yet another clear sign that you are dealing with a covert narcissist (or a demon in disguise).
Because who else but a demon would hate and seek to destroy someone who loves them deeply and cares so much?
#narcissistabuse
#theywontbreakyou
#tiidijanecu
You Don’t Want Revenge, You Want Justice
You don’t seek revenge—you just want justice. You want the narcissist to know they didn’t break you, that they didn’t win. You want them to realize they lost you and, in losing you, shattered their own heart.
But the truth is, they already know this better than you do. In their mind, they’ve already won: they disrupted your life, drained your finances, drove you crazy, and shattered your confidence. They’ve told everyone how "crazy" you are, and because they are charming and lack a conscience, people believe them.
And now, they’ve made you obsess over them. As long as you do, they know they still have control over you. In their twisted mind, your hatred means you still love them, and if you still love them, they can still hurt you.
It’s okay to be angry. None of this is fair. None of this is right. From the beginning, their plan was to lure you in with the fantasy of what life "could be," get you addicted to it, then discard you and move on to the next victim. And they did exactly that. It’s heartbreaking. I’m sorry you had to go through this nightmare.
You’ve been through a war zone, and there’s a high chance you’ve developed PTSD. Many of us have.
The hardest part of healing from narcissistic abuse is moving on without them. You will never get an apology, and they will never have an epiphany about the "error of their ways." You’re facing a long road to recovery from the physical, verbal, and psychological damage they caused. There will be sleepless nights. There will be good days—days when you’re grateful to be free from that relationship. But there will also be terrible days, where you wish the fantasy of "what could have been" was real.
To make matters worse, when you try to talk to friends about it, they’ll tell you to "just move on" and won’t understand why you can’t. But it’s hard to move on when you’ve lost things you loved—your home, your neighborhood, your car, your money, your friends, your lifestyle. Every future relationship will be colored by this experience. You’ll question whether you’ve let someone hurt you again.
Meanwhile, after deciding you’re no longer entertaining, your narcissistic ex has likely discarded you. Maybe they’ve already replaced you with a new source of money, energy, or sex. Maybe they still send random messages just to remind you they exist, keeping you focused on them instead of your healing. Maybe they call just to tell you how happy they are with someone new, even suggesting you should be "happy for them" because they’ve "finally found their soulmate."
Don’t believe them. Soulmates aren’t "found"—they are earned. And the narcissist only loves themselves. They’re using you to make their new victim feel like they’ve won something valuable. After all, if the narcissist weren’t so desirable, why would so many people be obsessed with them?
The truth is, narcissists aren’t happy and never will be. They only know how to appear happy. They have to. If they showed their true nature from the start, they would never find another victim.
The devil doesn’t come to you with horns, hooves, and fire—people run from danger. The devil comes disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted. How else would they convince you to follow them?
What does a narcissist fear the most? Exposure. They know their charade has an expiration date, so they create stories that paint you as the abuser, the crazy one, or the one who used them, ensuring they have someone to blame when the relationship collapses.
The best “revenge” is complete detachment from their control. The opposite of love isn’t hate—it’s indifference. When you can dream a new dream and free yourself from the fantasy they painted for you, you’ve won. When you no longer obsess over them, you’ve won. When their memory no longer haunts you, you’ve won.
The best life is a peaceful life—without drama, without them. Do whatever it takes to embrace your inner peace.
At some point, you must accept what feels like a defeat. It is what it is. The longer you resist letting go, the longer your recovery will take.
Time clears your mind and heals your broken heart—but you have to let time do its job. Some days will be better than others. Be kind to yourself.
So, what now?
Use the time you’d spend obsessing over them to educate yourself about narcissistic recovery. Validate your experience. You are not alone, and there is a way out.
Find something light and freeing—a hobby, music, books, walking, exercise—something simple you can turn to when you feel yourself slipping into obsessive thoughts. Have it ready so you can switch focus, even when you’re in your worst mood.
Get some sleep.
Learn to dream a new dream—one that doesn’t include them. Write a bucket list. Jot down what you really want from life, put it away, and revisit it from time to time. Don’t worry about who will be with you when you achieve those things—just assume it will be someone wonderful. Because you will find real love when you start doing what you love. And that kind of love is worth waiting for.
Picture something incredible, beautiful, or adventurous. Even if it takes a lifetime, work toward making that dream a reality. By the time you get there, you’ll be so grateful for your journey that you won’t care about revenge.
#narcissisticabuse
#healingstartswithyou
#tiidijanecu
It's completely normal and understandable to feel the desire for revenge after someone has betrayed, lied to, deceived, stolen from, or manipulated you. Revenge is more than normal—it’s a universal emotion that people experience. However, "revenge" is often seen as a harsh word. You might even feel like something is wrong with you for wanting it.
When you crave revenge or justice, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings without judgment and recognize that this doesn’t make you a bad person. It simply makes you human, with natural emotional responses to the situations you’ve endured. Often, releasing anger and frustration is necessary to regain emotional balance.
If you want to "get back" at a narcissistic person, you can channel those emotions (anger and frustration) into something that propels you forward in life—something that benefits you. Remember, narcissists thrive on attention. They crave excessive admiration, and one of the most effective ways to get back at them is to deprive them of your presence or the emotional reactions they seek. They envy independent people and those with strong boundaries, so in situations like this, personal growth is key. Rediscover your identity and build healthy relationships. This will hurt the narcissist because you’re no longer allowing them to control you. They envy others' achievements, so use your desire for revenge as fuel for self-improvement. That will wound them far more than any act of direct retaliation ever could.
This approach helps you break free from the narcissistic cycle without harming anyone. Let the narcissist deal with their own thoughts and reactions—that’s their problem, not yours. You have the right to live your life, be independent, form your own identity, build meaningful relationships, and ignore those who were never truly there for you. Narcissists despise being ignored, so ignore them. Cut off all ties and focus on self-care and personal development. Stay firm in your decision to remove them from your life, and don’t let their guilt-tripping or manipulative tactics pull you back in. The people who truly care about you will support your healing, not keep you in pain.
#narcissistabuse
#takemyenergyelsewhere
#tiidijanecu
Narcissists may say "sorry," but they won’t mean it. If someone truly regrets their actions, they wouldn’t treat you that way.
They justify and downplay their lies—they actually believe what they say.
Maintaining a false image that doesn’t exist is exhausting.
They will never tell you the whole truth. Instead, they minimize it or twist it to fit their narrative. Even when you know the truth, they won’t let you believe it.
"Only you!" They’ll tell you they’ve never felt this way about anyone else, that you’re their twin flame, their soulmate. But they’ve said the same to many others. It hurts, I know.
They always have backups—people lined up in case things don’t go as planned with you. They secured new options long before you even suspected. But don’t you know? "They’re just friends!"
Looking in the mirror through the mask they wear is painful for them. They hate what they see and will easily project that onto you, blaming you for everything.
You truly think they love you? How can someone love you while lying, cheating, manipulating, and even physically abusing you? And when you finally react, they blame you for your response to their abuse.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#NotMeNotAnymore
#tiidijanecu
Narcissists are cold, grandiose, and self-centered individuals who manipulate others for their own gain. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know they use a variety of cunning tactics to get what they want.
One of these manipulative tools is the narcissistic stare. Those cold, lifeless, and unwavering eyes seem to pierce deep into your soul. Now you may wonder why they use it and how it works. Much like the psychopathic stare, narcissists employ this tactic as a form of control.
Staring at someone for longer than a few seconds goes against social norms. It’s often perceived as an act of aggression and can feel intimidating.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and felt like they were giving you their undivided attention? Did their intense gaze make you feel as if they were looking straight into your soul?
Narcissists often use this intense eye contact to create a false sense of intimacy. Deep eye contact can feel personal, even romantic or sexual, making you believe you’re the only person that matters in that moment.
Remember, narcissists are charismatic manipulators, and at first, they present themselves as your perfect match.
The Empty Expression
At the opposite end of the spectrum is the empty stare. Sometimes, a narcissist will look right through you, their face completely void of emotion. But this isn’t because they’re concentrating on what you’re saying—far from it. Narcissists don’t truly listen unless the conversation is about them. If you’re not talking about them, their eyes will glaze over with disinterest.
The Eyes and Body Language of a Narcissist
Eyebrows are often seen as the frames of the narcissistic soul. Well-groomed or strikingly distinct eyebrows have been linked to narcissistic traits.
Beyond the narcissistic stare, you can also identify a narcissist by their posture. They often carry themselves with a sense of superiority—chin raised, chest puffed out, and an air of disdain for others. Whether they’re aware of it or not, their contempt is evident in their body language.
Unlike empathetic individuals, narcissists struggle to read social cues. They don’t pick up on sadness when someone is upset or joy when someone is happy. Their reactions are often inappropriate—for example, laughing at a funeral or remaining emotionless when hearing good news.
Most people use open hand gestures to express warmth and attentiveness. This includes open arms and relaxed posture. But narcissists aren’t interested in how you feel. Remember, it’s all about them. That’s why they often gesture with their palms facing themselves—a subtle reminder that the focus should always be on them.
Lack of Boundaries
Have you ever met someone who invaded your personal space the moment you were introduced? Did you instinctively step back, only to find they remained unaware of your discomfort?
Whether physical or emotional, narcissists have no concept of boundaries. If there’s a line, they’ll cross it. They cut in line, interrupt conversations, and have no issue pushing others aside to become the center of attention.
It’s easy to spot a narcissist in a room—just listen for the loudest voice or the person dominating the conversation. Of course, some people naturally enjoy being in the spotlight, but that doesn’t necessarily make them narcissists. The key is in the content of their speech. Are they oversharing highly personal or inappropriate details? If so, you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Disregard for Social Norms
Narcissists don’t just cross emotional boundaries—they thrive on shocking others for attention. They’ll blurt out things most people would keep private, not because they’re unaware, but because they enjoy the reaction.
Not only do they share inappropriate details about their own lives, but they also don’t care how others react to them. What is considered basic social etiquette is often ignored by a narcissist.
This disregard extends to their body language. If they’re bored, they’ll yawn openly. If they disagree, they’ll roll their eyes dramatically. Unlike most people who suppress these behaviors out of politeness, narcissists don’t bother hiding them—because, in their world, only their feelings matter.
#NarcissistAbuse
#RecognizeTheSigns
#tiidijanecu
Why Stay in a Relationship Where You’ll Never Be Happy?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist means you will never truly be happy. You will always have to cater to their needs and whims while your own needs remain unfulfilled. You will have to be constantly on guard because a narcissist will try to break your trust and self-confidence. They will belittle you, mock you, and make your life miserable. They will never admit to any wrongdoing—neither their words nor their actions—and they will always find a way to shift the blame onto you.
And you already know this.
You’ve seen it, felt it, and experienced it countless times.
So why do you stay? Why do you want to be in a relationship where you will never be happy?
All around you, there are people who align better with your values, your energy, and your way of life. People who will respect and support you just as much as you support them. People with whom you can find common ground and compromise, even if you're different.
And deep down, you know this too.
You know there are people who won’t exploit your insecurities to control the relationship. You know there are people who won’t try to break you but will help you grow—because they, too, want to grow alongside you. You know there are people you can fully trust, just as they will trust you, without needing to test that trust constantly.
But if you truly believe that your narcissist is capable of any of this, then go back. Stay. If you think they will bring you long-term happiness, then be with them. If you believe they can grow with you and are someone you can genuinely trust, then don’t leave.
But you know the truth. You know exactly what a narcissist does, what they have done, what they are capable of, and what they will do.
So ask yourself this: Do you really want to be in a relationship where being alone would be the better choice?
#NarcissistAbuse
#YouDeserveBetter
#tiidijanecu
Why Narcissists Can Disappear from Your Life as If You Never Existed
Narcissists can vanish from your life without a trace for several reasons:
Control and Manipulation – It’s a tactic to maintain control over you and the relationship. They might reappear when it suits their needs or simply to throw you off balance.
Punishment – They may use silence as a form of punishment, trying to make you feel guilty for a perceived offense.
Avoiding Responsibility – Disappearing allows them to evade accountability for their actions and the consequences of their behavior.
Attention-Seeking – Their sudden disappearance can be a trick to make you chase after them.
Power Play – It’s a way to assert their superiority, making you feel insignificant and dependent on them.
Most of the time, they disappear because they cannot handle criticism and know you would confront them about their cruelty and unfairness. A narcissist will never take responsibility for anything.
You are fully aware of how horribly they treated you, but they don’t want to hear it. In the relationship, your role was to inflate their ego and reassure them of their perfection.
If they suddenly disappear, it usually means they’ve moved on to the next victim, believing they were so "good" to you and that you were the problem.
They know exactly what they are doing and have no regrets. In fact, they are probably in bed with someone else, smirking at how much you’re hurting.
Narcissists disappear during the discard phase because they project all their negative traits onto you. This phase often happens during a narcissistic collapse. Their disappearance has nothing to do with you personally—you shouldn’t take it that way. They don’t "come back" to finish things with you unless they are truly malignant. Instead, they return because they once idealized you, and you linger in their mind.
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is delusional at the beginning. Narcissistic supply is like heroin to them—they must have it, and without it, they cannot function.
If you are dealing with or have dealt with a narcissist, ask yourself why you were in a relationship with such a person. Many victims of narcissistic abuse have unresolved childhood trauma, weak boundaries, and self-esteem issues. You shouldn’t see yourself as a victim, but rather as a willing participant in the relationship. Understanding why it happened to you allows you to grow, heal, and become stronger.
You believe you’re in love and try to fix things by tolerating their mood swings and their "need to be alone." Meanwhile, they are cycling through different stages of relationships with other people. You might not even be aware of these other individuals because narcissists are masters at hiding their double lives—sometimes for decades.
Signs of Their Secret Affairs
Keeping their phone locked
Receiving mysterious texts and emails at odd hours
Spending intense, uninterrupted days with you, then suddenly disappearing for extended periods
Refusing to update their relationship status on social media
Not allowing you to post pictures together—or changing their status only when threatened with being left
Another red flag is how they talk about their ex. Narcissists often claim their ex is obsessed with them or that they just broke up before meeting you. They may even say their ex is depressed or suicidal, making it seem like they need to handle them with care.
The truth? Narcissists never fully let go of their exes. Even if they were the ones to end the relationship, they always try to keep most—if not all—of their past victims on standby.
The most unsettling part? The intense love-bombing stage they gave you was actually the time they were disappearing from their ex’s life.
So when a narcissist vanishes from your life, know this: they’ve gone to secure their next supply—their next victim.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#BreakTheCycle
#tiidijanecu
Why Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Struggle to Move On
While they were deceiving and manipulating you, they made you dependent on their attention, love, care, and validation, leading you to believe that they truly felt the same for you.
Your self-worth, confidence, self-respect, and love for yourself became entirely dependent on them and the abuse they subjected you to.
They treated you as if they were trying to get you addicted to a drug. Now, you’re going through a painful withdrawal while they simultaneously withhold everything you need the most—emotions, attention, love, and care.
Your confidence has been completely shattered by the abuse you endured.
As a result of their manipulation, you start doubting your own perception, reasoning, abilities, beauty, and character. They achieved this through gaslighting, silent treatment, emotional withholding, blackmail, calculated seduction, projection, and false affirmations of your behaviors.
Everything happened so fast. Suddenly, you were left confused, unsure of what had happened. You didn’t see it coming. They lifted you high, only to drop you without warning when you least expected it.
It’s hard to accept that they were deceiving and manipulating you from the very beginning. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
You feel a mix of anger and love toward them and can’t understand why.
Deep down, you still hold on to the hope that the narcissist will realize their mistakes and change. You believe your love is stronger than everything and that you can overcome this madness. But in reality, you are projecting your own emotions—grief, pity, anger, and regret.
You loved this person sincerely and with all your heart. But narcissists never loved you, nor did they ever truly care for you. They only cared about what they could get from you—any form of admiration, attention, validation, and devotion.
Your mind and body are in conflict, desperately trying to make sense of what happened. But the answers you seek don’t exist—because the truth is, none of it ever made sense.
They never allowed true emotional closeness because they knew how much of an impact it would have on your life. They wanted to keep you confused, ensuring they could return whenever it suited them.
You let them cross every boundary, did everything they asked, and became the sweetest person on earth for them. In the process, you destroyed your own self-love, confidence, self-worth, and ability to care for yourself. You are no longer the person you once were—you are just a shadow, hiding behind them.
If given a chance, you would still do anything to prove your love to them—even tearing out your own heart—though it would mean nothing to them.
You keep asking yourself:
Did they ever truly love me?
Did I ever mean anything to them?
How can they act like nothing ever happened after everything we went through and all the promises we made?
Am I to blame for everything?
What could I have done differently?
What does this new person have that I don’t?
Am I really that unworthy? If I had tried harder, would we still be together?
What did I do wrong?
The answer to all your questions is simple: Nothing.
You did nothing wrong.
You must understand that you were dealing with an emotionally stunted child—someone who never grew up due to their own childhood trauma. They lack empathy, cannot form genuine connections, and don’t know what love truly is.
You are the mature one here. You must walk away. It is not your job to fix or heal someone in hopes that they will love you in return. You don’t need toxic people in your life—you need someone emotionally stable who will accept you for who you are.
There is no need for revenge—they are already punished by the life they live. It’s immature to seek revenge on a child.
How to Move On After Narcissistic Abuse
Accept that you were deceived and manipulated.
Accept that this person never loved, cared for, respected, or valued you.
Accept that you never loved them either—you loved the illusion, the mask they showed you from day one.
Accept that you did everything you could, and no one could have done better. The problem is them, not you.
Accept that you deserve better. You are not some circus monkey in their harem—you are a human being with worth.
Start rebuilding yourself. No one will do it for you. If you don’t pick yourself up, no one else will.
See healing as a detox process. If you relapse into your emotions, you go back to square one—wasting all the progress you’ve made. Stay strong.
Accept that revenge is pointless. It would only harm you, not them. Seeking revenge would make you like them—a soul-sucking vampire. You are better than that.
Go out, have fun, listen to some rock & roll, and forget them—for your own sanity.
Implement full No Contact. Block them on social media, change your number, and eliminate any way for them to reach you. Feel blessed that it's over and that life saved you from a worse fate. It could have been much worse.
Trust that God removes people from our lives for a reason. This was a test, and if He took them away, He had a good reason. What comes from God is always for your benefit. The right person will come when you least expect it. Have faith.
Lessons You Must Learn from This Experience
Do not trust people too easily.
Do not empathize with everyone—be smart and save your empathy for those who deserve it.
Kindness is good, but do not let people walk all over you.
Never tolerate any form of abuse. If someone mistreats you, leave—without arguing. They are not worth your time.
If someone cheats or lies, walk away immediately. If they did it once, they’ll do it again. Live by the rule: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Judge people by their actions, not their words, background, or mental disorders.
You are not a therapist. You are not responsible for fixing anyone. Help yourself first.
If you don’t love, respect, or value yourself, you will never be able to love someone else properly.
Learn to walk away from toxic people. Every experience makes you stronger and wiser.
No one can hurt you unless you let them. It’s up to you, not them.
Give people what they deserve. If they treat you like trash, return the favor.
Don’t try to find meaning in nonsense. If you lower yourself to understand a narcissist, they’ll drag you into their madness.
Blame yourself—but only to forgive yourself. Apologize to yourself for allowing them to abuse you. They don’t deserve your apology—only your inner self does.
Never seek empathy from a predator. That’s like stepping into a wolf’s den and expecting the wolves to care about you.
See people for who they truly are, not who you wish they were. When dealing with predators, use your mind, not your emotions.
Final Thought
Your heart has clouded your mind, making it hard to distinguish reality from illusion. But remember: Your emotions don’t define the truth. Stop letting your feelings trick you.
You are stronger than you think. You will heal. And when you do, you will never fall for this again.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#StayStrong
#tiidijanecu
Breaking Up with a Narcissist Feels Like Entering the Twilight Zone
What was once up is now down, what was once white is now black, and your entire reality becomes surreal—until you work through your cognitive dissonance.
Nothing could have prepared you for this. If you've been discarded, you'll immediately recognize the difference between this and a breakup with a "normal" person.
You never expected it to happen. It will hit you suddenly, in a way that’s incomparable to any other breakup. That doesn’t mean your relationship was perfect, but the ending will come out of nowhere. (A narcissist keeps you around only until their exit strategy is fully in place, stringing you along just enough to keep your doubts at bay.)
It won’t even feel like a breakup. Instead, it will feel like you’ve been thrown away—discarded like a broken object.
Mutual friends and family have already started treating you differently. Where there was once warmth, there’s now isolation. (This is due to the narcissist’s smear campaign—painting themselves as the victim while making you the villain.)
The moment they discard you and move on, the narcissist becomes a stranger. You no longer recognize them as the person you once knew. Along with distancing themselves from you, they adopt new mannerisms, speech patterns, and behaviors that seem completely out of character. (This is because they’re now "mirroring" someone else, trying to appear perfect for their next target.)
If they cheated during your relationship, you likely noticed these shifts before but didn’t understand what was happening. Now you do.
Their abusive behavior will escalate, especially if you seek closure or try to fix things. Expressing any desire to repair the relationship will only provoke them. (They have something new and shiny now—you are old news, and that frustrates them.)
You’ll witness outbursts of rage and aggression like never before, even if you already saw glimpses of it during the devaluation phase. Depending on how unstable they are, you may even be in real danger.
Despite their cruelty and inhumane treatment, you’ll still crave the relationship. You’ll become obsessed with fixing things. Your appetite, sleep, and daily functioning will suffer. You may even experience intrusive flashbacks of their abuse.
Your mind and heart will be at war—you’ll know you need to stay away, yet feel like you can’t live without them. This happens due to a chemical imbalance caused by trauma bonding. The withdrawal symptoms mimic those of a drug addict. Seek help immediately, whether through therapy or medication—you will need it.
If you don’t get help soon, your health may deteriorate rapidly. Your immune system weakens, you might lose (or gain) a significant amount of weight, your hair may fall out, and your skin may take on a dull, lifeless appearance.
Desperate for answers, you’ll start playing detective, analyzing behaviors, researching psychological patterns, and piecing together the truth about narcissistic abuse.
You’ll go through all the stages of grief—but intensified and prolonged compared to a normal breakup. In your anger and sadness, you’ll fixate on the narcissist, unknowingly giving them exactly what they want. (They want you to appear "crazy.")
Your relationships with family, friends, and acquaintances will be permanently altered. Some connections will be damaged beyond repair, close relationships may suffer, while others will grow stronger. You’ll finally see who truly cares about you.
Once you find "your people," you’ll experience a powerful sense of validation and hope.
Slowly, you’ll rediscover yourself—and when you do, you’ll never allow someone like this into your life again. You’ll reclaim your power, your life, and—perhaps for the first time in a long time—your freedom. It will be an incredible feeling, and it will be worth the wait.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#Healing
#tiidijanecu
"People who leave quickly were never meant to stay."
A narcissist will discard you in the most senseless way imaginable. You’ll walk away confused and disoriented, unable to comprehend how someone who once claimed to love every part of you now finds you utterly repulsive. You won’t understand how you could spend so much time together, be in constant contact, only to suddenly be blocked, ignored, cut off, and humiliated. You won’t be able to grasp their cruelty towards you when all you ever did was show them kindness. One moment, you are the center of their attention, and the next, they want nothing to do with you.
You’ll be quickly removed from their supply chain the moment they get bored—something that happens to everyone ensnared in their toxic web. Once they’ve drained everything good you had to offer, they see no reason to keep you around. You were once their favorite, their number one choice, but they will toss you aside without a second thought, replacing you with someone new who has already been groomed to take your place. This new person now receives all their attention, all their time, all their love-bombing. They tell them the same sweet things they once told you. While they discard you like you never mattered, they are busy convincing their new target how special they are. In their minds, they have found someone “better” than whatever you provided.
Narcissists crave variety and have no intention of settling down or committing to one person for life—the thought alone is absurd to them. They love the idea of others being loyal to them, but they will never reciprocate. They want the freedom to sleep with whomever they choose, without questions, and if you don’t tolerate it, you’ll be discarded in an instant. They want the ability to flirt with neighbors, strangers, your friends, family members, coworkers, or anyone they meet online or in a club, expecting you to turn a blind eye. If you don’t, you’ll be labeled crazy, jealous, insecure, or controlling. They want to use social media to connect with new people, without caring how that makes you feel. They want to spend all their money on drinking, drugs, partying, gambling, or anything that involves irresponsibility. They won’t hesitate to drain your hard-earned money, expecting you to endure it all, sacrificing your dignity, self-respect, and identity—yet no matter what you do, it will never be enough for them.
Once, they loved hearing from you; now, everything you say annoys them. They’ll claim you’re suffocating them, that you’re insecure, clingy, and controlling. They do all of this deliberately, then turn around and blame you for it. Eventually, you’ll reach a breaking point, confronting them because the emotional chaos becomes too much. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells just to keep them happy.
They will discard you the moment you call them out on their erratic, destructive, impulsive, irresponsible, and reckless behavior. In their mind, they think, "How dare you hold me accountable for intentionally hurting you? You fool—get lost." They don’t want to hear about the pain, the distress, the abuse they’ve inflicted. They refuse to listen when you express how much it hurts to catch them lying, cheating, or flirting with others. They don’t care that they ignore your messages and avoid you. They just want to live their lives however they please—without consequences.
They will also discard you as a means of control. They do it purely for amusement, to see how much they can test you. One second, everything is perfect; the next, you wake up blocked, their number changed, their address unknown. It will send you into a panic, making you feel utterly abandoned because you were so attached to them. You’ll find yourself barely functioning, just trying to survive each day. Meanwhile, they seamlessly move on to their next victim, slithering like manipulative snakes, indifferent to the fact that they left you bleeding.
They will discard you—but not before making you feel completely worthless, heartbroken, lonely, and destroyed. Before they walk away, their goal is to extract the last bit of supply from you, watching as you crumble in pain, unable to comprehend how things fell apart. They relish seeing you sacrifice everything for them, all while knowing they have others lined up willing to do the same. You’ll struggle to understand how all the wonderful memories, all the good times, are now shattered while they recreate them with someone new.
They discard you because they never cared. That’s the most important thing to understand. While you may have genuinely loved them, remained loyal, and given them your all, they never felt the same. They don’t understand commitment or compromise. They think only of themselves—at all times, at all costs—and they won’t let anyone stand in their way. They could swear they want to spend the rest of their life with you, promise to never leave, but the moment you turn your back, they’ll be telling someone else the same thing, erasing you from their life faster than you can blink. They demand the freedom to do whatever they want, without question.
They discard you because it gives them a thrill to know they have dominance and power over you. They enjoy watching you beg, plead, cry, and suffer over them. They will gossip about you to their friends, making you seem like the crazy, jealous ex who won’t leave them alone—conveniently omitting all the horrible things they said and did to you. They want their new supply to feel jealous, to believe they have endless options.
They discard you because they never form true attachments to people. They use everyone for their benefit, and when something more appealing comes along, they disappear—without warning. They may vanish for days, weeks, months, or even years, only to suddenly reappear when it suits them. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed or how much damage they caused—they believe they can come and go as they please. They usually target the most empathetic people, knowing they are the ones who forgive the most. They’ll know exactly what to say and do to win you back, dragging you into another cycle of abuse.
They will discard you at the worst possible moment. You could be going through the hardest challenge of your life, and they will seize the opportunity to leave you. They do this to prove they refuse to support you in difficult times. They see your struggles as a burden, so they abandon you and replace you with someone who isn’t “whining or complaining” and who is available at their beck and call. They will discard you on birthdays, holidays, or any special occasion. If you’re looking forward to something, they will find a way to ruin it—disappearing with vague excuses, silent treatment, or complete avoidance.
They will also discard you to make sure you stay submissive for future use. If they discard you as punishment for standing up for yourself, and later you come crawling back, begging for them to return, they know they have you in the palm of their hand. You are now willing to forget everything that happened just to have them back. You are willing to sacrifice your own boundaries to accommodate their needs, afraid of losing them again. You are willing to experiment sexually in ways you never wanted to, just to keep them satisfied. It’s madness. They treat you like a commodity and will abandon you in an instant, no matter how much you love them, care for them, or how long you’ve known them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for decades, months, or weeks—they will do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want, for as long as they live.
They will discard you ruthlessly and without remorse. They will do it as suddenly as if holding a gun to your head and pulling the trigger, indifferent to your screams. They will attack you with full force and watch you suffer. They will stab you in the back and twist the knife deeper every time you let them return for more.
When they discard you, take my advice—never stoop so low as to chase after someone who so mercilessly erased you from their life. They are not worth your time, your tears, your compassion, your effort, or your love. The longer you stay, the longer you wait for them to decide they want you again, the more you will lose yourself—until you can no longer recognize who you are. That is not a life worth living for anyone.
Every person deserves to be loved, especially when they give their all. No one deserves abuse, betrayal, and disrespect. Would you want your friends or family to go through this? If not, why tolerate it yourself?
Never think you aren’t good enough, that you’ll never find someone else, or that you won’t be happy again. Anything—even being alone—is better than constantly being hurt, used, degraded, betrayed, and discarded like trash.
#NarcissistAbuse
#YouDeserveBetter
#tiidijanecu
If you are currently in a relationship or have been close to a NARCISSIST, let’s take a look at the traps you can expect in such a relationship and how to recognize the moment when you need to save yourself and run without looking back.
No one has the right to hurt you emotionally or mentally – not even a NARCISSIST. You were not born to endure someone else's manipulation and suffering, especially from someone who drains you with their toxic behavior. If you have realized that your partner is one of them, know that such a relationship has no happy ending. If your relationship has already ended, be sure that the reason was precisely that – because you were involved with a NARCISSIST.
What kind of relationships do narcissists seek?
Narcissists usually pursue two types of relationships:
1. A relationship with another narcissist – which is rare because both seek control.
2. A relationship with someone they can turn into a toy – a “mouse” – a person they can manipulate and completely dominate.
Let’s focus on the second type because none of us "losers" are narcissists – if we were, we would have stayed with someone just like us.
How does a narcissist win you over?
Narcissists have an extremely high opinion of themselves. They believe they are special and will quickly convince you of the same. They present themselves as energetic, intelligent, and irresistibly attractive individuals unlike anyone you have ever met. In no time, they manage to "ignite" you – both mentally and physically.
The first tactic they use is sexual attraction. They overwhelm you with an incredible sexual experience, leaving you in awe and wondering if such passion is even real. But their real motive isn’t pleasure – it’s your vulnerability. Once they win you over on this level, you open up completely, believing they feel the same. Sex happens very quickly and becomes frequent – but it is just a trap.
Based on your reaction, they assess how long you will stay with them. If you fall for their act, they will turn you into their "hero" – the only person who understands them, can save them, and provide them with security. Once they know you are emotionally entangled, they see you as an easy target.
How do narcissists test your boundaries?
While they are seducing you, they are also working on mentally destabilizing you. They ask countless questions, trying to discover your weaknesses, fears, and secrets. At first, it seems like you’ve found someone you can confide in – but in reality, everything you share will later be used against you.
They use this information to slowly shape you into someone they can control.
Once they see you’re "hooked," they move to the next phase – manipulation by phases.
1. First, they put you on a pedestal, showering you with attention and making you feel like the most special person in the world.
2. Then, they withdraw, creating distance and confusion. You start chasing them, trying to understand what went wrong.
3. They start shifting blame – suddenly, you become the problem. They claim you have hurt them, or they use stories about their "past traumas" to make you try even harder to please them.
At this point, the narcissist already has full control over you – you are caught in a cycle of proving yourself to them, desperately trying not to "lose" them. They make promises they never keep, while you, unknowingly, promise them more and more – tying yourself deeper into their game.
The final phase – complete control
At this stage, the narcissist wants to cement you as theirs alone. Knowing you value your promises, they will make you repeat them over and over.
Their game reaches its peak when they start playing with your integrity. They convince you that they are insecure and vulnerable, constantly seeking reassurance that you will never leave them. In this process, you lose yourself.
The "cat and mouse" game
When the narcissist has you completely under control, the real game begins. You become the mouse – insecure, broken, constantly seeking their validation.
They will adore you – then shatter you. When you start wondering where that amazing person you fell in love with has gone, they will reappear, restarting the cycle. Each time, the cycle repeats faster and faster.
The narcissist’s goal is to make you lose yourself, become anxious, depressed, and disconnected from reality. If you try to leave, their "hot and cold" cycle will intensify even more.
At this point, the narcissist will completely isolate you from your friends, family, and even your children. They will become jealous of anyone who is not them. While they may not always express it directly, they will manipulate you – through threats of breaking up, emotional blackmail, and increasing demands for your time and attention.
You stay because you believe you love them. But the truth is – this is not love.
When is it time to leave?
The only thing worse than narcissistic manipulation is staying one more day.
If you have already escaped this kind of relationship – never go back.
If you are still in it but see the red flags – leave before the pain becomes endless.
#narcissistabuse
#saveyourself
#tiidijanecu
First Contact with a Narcissist: A Deceptive Illusion
The first interaction with a narcissist can be surprising.
A toxic, disturbed person will tell you everything you want to hear, showing or saying things that create the illusion that they possess something valuable to you. This could be something you need, something you believe in, or something missing from your life. But the narcissist never intends to let you have it. From the very beginning, their only goal is to stay ahead of you—to keep you chasing them until the very end of the relationship, never allowing you to reach them or obtain what they initially promised.
This dynamic is no different from a hamster running in its wheel after a meal. This is called love bombing—but there is no real love, no space for true love, because a narcissist is incapable of it. There is nothing truly valuable here; it’s all an illusion. What the narcissist dangles in front of you is nothing more than a tool to lure you in. Over time, they convince you that the reward is coming.
The narcissist makes you believe that love, respect, attention, admiration, and compliments are just around the corner. They want you to believe that your moment will come and that you will finally receive everything you saw in the beginning. But as time passes, you start to realize that the narcissist is no longer the same person you first met.
The rewards disappear. You tolerate too much, endure mistreatment, and allow things you never would have accepted before. The narcissist turns out to be the exact opposite of what they initially portrayed. They will abuse you in sophisticated ways—mentally and emotionally—breaking you down, using manipulation to make you believe they are exactly who they claim to be.
As you begin to understand their true intentions, your instincts may tell you to pull away. You might start avoiding their calls, meetings, or even being in the same room with them. At this point, the narcissist senses that their "hamster," their "donkey," their "servant"—their supply—is slipping away. They know you are no longer tolerating their behavior.
To keep you from leaving, the narcissist knows they must change tactics—but they also need to continue their abuse and manipulation.
The Never-Ending Cycle
The narcissist cannot survive without their supply of attention and control. They can’t simply stop the cycle of abuse and manipulation, so their only option is to return to love bombing. They will show you glimpses of what you originally fell for, but it’s just another illusion. This process conditions you over time, lowering your expectations until you start accepting mere crumbs—things you never deserved in the first place.
You endure endless mistreatment, manipulation, mind games, and psychological violence. The narcissist knows that you are aware of this, so they return with grand gestures, trying to convince you that "this time" it will be different, that they "really care" now, or that they have "changed." But nothing truly changes. No progress is made. Eventually, you begin to see through the illusions, realizing exactly who you’re dealing with.
Once the narcissist understands that you see through them, that you recognize the mask they’ve been wearing, they become dangerous. They know you no longer believe their act, and from that moment on, their goal shifts—to destroy you.
You’ve done nothing wrong, yet by exposing them, you have become a threat. It’s like witnessing a crime—you are now a liability.
The Narcissist’s Revenge
To eliminate this "threat," the narcissist will begin to sabotage you—smearing your reputation, damaging your relationships, and even interfering with your career or future connections. They will do everything possible to keep you beneath them.
But it doesn’t stop there. Since you’ve uncovered the truth about them, you must now "pay" for it—at least, that’s how the narcissist sees it. Every step forward you take in your life will be met with resistance. Suddenly, nothing you do is right anymore. Even though you are the same person you were at the start of the relationship, everything you say and do is now criticized.
The narcissist will mentally and emotionally abuse you, manipulate you, and make you feel miserable. They want you to believe that you are the problem, that you are worthless, and that you are good for no one. This is how the narcissist sees you now—as someone with no value, simply because you’ve seen the truth behind their mask.
But here’s the reality:
You are not the problem.
You are not worthless.
You were manipulated, not broken.
You cannot "fix" the narcissist, nor can you restore the person they pretended to be in the beginning—because that person never existed. It was all just a well-played, long-term illusion. The shocking truth is that you never truly knew them at all.
The Only Way Out
The only way to escape a narcissist is to cut all contact—immediately and permanently.
Don’t dwell on what happened. Don’t try to make sense of their behavior. The moment you try to understand their toxicity, you give them another opening to manipulate you.
A narcissist will abuse you, manipulate you, and then make you believe that you are the problem. But if you were truly the problem, you would have been the one engaging in manipulation and abuse. You weren’t.
The Narcissist's Reality
A narcissist is a predator in every relationship they enter. But they lack the emotional maturity to take responsibility for their actions. They live in denial, doing everything possible to avoid feelings of guilt or shame.
Healthy, mature individuals take responsibility for their emotions and mistakes. A narcissist doesn’t. They have spent their entire life avoiding accountability, refusing self-reflection, and blaming others. Without responsibility, there is no learning. Without learning, there is no growth. Without growth, there is no maturity.
This is why you should never expect or hope for change from a narcissist.
Narcissists Do Not Change
They have no desire to change because change requires effort, self-awareness, and responsibility—things a narcissist is incapable of. You were dealing with someone who doesn’t even recognize their own problem. You were dealing with someone who doesn’t want a solution.
A narcissist thrives on chaos and destruction. That is their comfort zone.
The more dysfunction, the better.
A narcissist does not want peace, happiness, understanding, or compromise. If they did, you would have seen it already.
#NarcissistAbuse
#NoContact
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The Grieving Process and Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Grieving is incredibly difficult, and it’s never a straight line. It feels like breaking free from a mental dependency you never asked for and never realized was forced upon you.
What they did had nothing to do with you personally. They saw how amazing you were, and unfortunately, they decided they had to have that.
They were dishonest from the very beginning.
These are deeply unwell people—ones we cannot save. The only thing we can do is escape and rebuild ourselves. No matter what you did, it could never bring about a lasting, positive change. A narcissist hates themselves, is filled with rage, and is highly manipulative.
Recovery is tough. Narcissistic abuse literally causes brain damage.
To them, we were just a shiny new toy they had to play with. It’s that simple. They pretended to care, then tried to crush us to fit their own wounded, distorted inner world. They don’t love. They only have temporary obsessions. They may stay and continue the abuse long after their infatuation fades—if you keep giving them something they want, like money, attention, housing, or control.
They will take everything they can until you have nothing left.
Never let it get to that point.
What a narcissist did to me was not my fault. They believe they were the ones hurt, that they are the victims.
They only cared about what they could take from us. They never truly saw us, never connected with us. It was all a lie. An act. A scam.
It doesn’t matter who hurt who first, what disorder they have, or why they do what they do. What matters is that they deeply harmed us, and we must get away from them—forever.
Most people won’t understand the pain unless they’ve lived through it themselves.
To overcome the fear of getting attached to a narcissist again, you must learn to trust yourself. Accept that you can’t always avoid bad partners. Sometimes, you give it your best shot, and if it doesn’t work out, you leave—and never look back.
Listen to your instincts. If your gut is screaming at you, pay attention. Use the process of elimination to figure out what—or who—doesn’t belong in your life.
Educate yourself as much as possible about narcissism.
People with mental illnesses know the difference between right and wrong. If they aren’t willing to do everything in their power to seek treatment, run. If that person has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), just run.
These people have enough self-control not to harm most of the people they meet. They chose to hurt me/us—never forget that.
They know exactly what they’re doing. They may not understand why, but that’s their problem, not ours.
Your time and attention should be directed toward yourself first. Stop trying to save others. No one asked you to do that—you took on that burden yourself.
Don’t waste time trying to understand the “flying monkeys.” They can be just as toxic as the narcissist.
Never expect understanding from their friends or family. Most of them have no idea what narcissism or NPD even is. And usually? They don’t care. They have their own lives to live.
#NarcissisticAbuse
#Healing
#NeverGoBack
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